Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Vox Populi's Most Popular Play to Date!

This Sarcasm Just In...

Mr. Soros Goes to Omaha (A 6.66 Minute Half-Assed Stage Play)

By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi | November 12, 2016 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)


CHARACTERS

NARRATOR

George SOROS

Warren BUFFETT

Paul BEST (Legendary Musician)

FALCO (Spirit of Legendary Musician)

Hillary CLINTON

Vladimir PUTIN

Donald TRUMP

EBT (Guy on Welfare)

PATRON


SETTING

The present day.

It’s A G-Thing Yogurt and Sundries Shop, Omaha, Nebraska - a shadowy place along Underpass Drive in the Crocodile Dundee Neighborhood.

SOROS, BUFFETT and BEST sit at a small table next to a window, barely suitable for two fat old men and a legendary rockstar. A Ford Expedition sits outside with EBT, a small man with a big mouth, paying close attention to the three eating large, messy cones of frozen yogurt, only BUFFETT stares at it as the blob melts. All the characters are dressed “to the nines” - except EBT. A full moon is visible through the slimy, greasy window pain.

NARRATOR
No real Nebraskans were harmed, nor are they targeted in any way, shape or form. Rather, Omaha represents wholesome, middle America which the globalists want to destroy . . . with a smile. Anything to make a buck.

SOROS
(He wears an obligatory milk stash and speaks with a weird accent - a cross, er, mishmash between a Hungarian Jew and a mouth full of cherry Slurpee)
I em Hungarian.

BEST
This is dessert, George - we just ate an hour ago.

BUFFETT
(Smiling, tempered like the B-9 Class M-3 General Utility Non-Theorizing Environmental Control Robot from Lost In Space)
You only have to do a very few things right in your life so long as you don't do too many things wrong.

BEST
(Confused)
Oh?

SOROS
You know, I do appreciate de Beatles but, frankly, my dear, Ringo was my favorite.

BEST
(Miffed)
Truthfully, I’m told that a lot.

BUFFETT
It is not necessary to do extraordinary things to get extraordinary results.

BEST
(More Miffed)
Is that so? (Mutters, looks around) Is he in cahoots with my ex?

SOROS
(Studies yogurt running all over his hand)
Und I heard dis from Amy Schumer, too . . . you know, de former comedian? She said you're the fifth best one - out of five: Ringo, John, George, Pete - then you, sir!

BEST
(Flustered)
Comedienne, George. Comedienne. (Mutters to himself sarcastically) The fifth best one - out of five! (Motions with fists) Ooh, Bang, zoom!

SOROS
Whatever she was, my kind feather rich friend.

BEST
That’s fine feather rich-

BUFFETT
Nothing sedates rationality like large doses of effortless money.

BEST
What the hell is Warren babbling about? Did he smoke dope when he was younger?

SOROS
(Finishes cone, loudly licks fingers)
Tisk, tisk, never ever underestimate your competition, Paul. (Studies the slimy, greasy window as he speaks) Now, I do not believe Donald Trump has any chance of being elected. Oh (Laughs), he will win the popular vote in a landslide, but our people will ensure Hillary, my personal friend, will win the electoral college.

BEST
(Fidgety as if he has his finger stuck in an alligator’s snout)
Uhh, Earth to George. Where have you been? Trump won the election. (Mutters) Damn Hungarians.

SOROS
Oh, I’m not hungry, thank you. Wait! Trump won?

BEST
(Tosses cone into nearby trash bin, but misses, flippantly)
Tisk, tisk, never ever underestimate your competition, George.

Suddenly, FALCO enters and approaches BEST, but since he is a spirit, FALCO is unnoticed, almost like EBT in real life. He picks up cone and tosses it into BEST’S crotch. BEST is stunned.

BEST
(Angry, jumps up, wipes off crotch)
Incredible - reminds me of a song . . . (Struggles to be at peace) . . . just “Let It Be.”

FALCO
(Auf Deutsch)
In der Tagen, dachte Ich sehr über dich. Was für eine Enttäuschung. Ja, Ringo gefällt mir am besten, auch. Erinner dich das Lied, “Everybody Ringo?” von Pat “Redbone” Vegas? Der einige Beatle so das Lied zu haben.
(Auf Englisch)
In the day, I looked up to you. What a disappointment. Yes, Ringo was my favorite, too. Remember the song, “Everybody Ringo” by Pat "Redbone" Vegas? The only Beatle to have such a song.

FALCO exits.

NARRATOR
Apologies to my German and Austrian audiences. My German is a bit rusty. Film at Eleven...

SOROS
Atkozott! Trump won? I must be losing my thieving ways. Oh, my God-

BUFFETT
It's better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you'll drift in that direction.

BEST
(Thoroughly disgusted - like done!)
So now you tell me. (Carefully grabs BUFFETT’s yogurt covered hand, maneuvers it over an ash tray and turns it over to allow the cone to fall in)

SOROS
(Takes note of ash tray, shocked)
I thought there were no smoking laws in Omaha?

BEST
(Thoroughly disgusted with conversation)
This is just a one act play, George. (To himself) Where is this social ditty going? We need Deus Ex Machina right about now.

Because time is of the essence, in walks CLINTON (dressed in - what else but an orange striped jumpsuit) followed by TRUMP and PUTIN dressed in rather casual clothes, TRUMP with an American Flag pin and PUTIN with a Russian Flag pin. CLINTON notes the three dimwits and rushes over whereas TRUMP and PUTIN, holding a Most Wanted Poster of George Soros, take a seat nearby.

BUFFETT
Price is what you pay; value is what you get. Whether you shop at Walmart or Kmart, I like buying quality merchandise when it is marked down; especially if it’s essentially free, like foreclosed homes.

BEST
(Reaches for a piano wire in his pocket, contemplates its length and BUFFET’S neck size, then reemerges from the darkness)
George - you need to shut Buffett the F*** up before I go Liverpool on this guy.

ALL THREE note CLINTON, smile and rise. BEST and BUFFETT reach out for her but she pushes them aside and embraces SOROS . . . almost kinda weird - like when she praised the Exalted Cyclops in the KKK, West Virginia’s late Senator Robert Byrd.  The two globalists kiss on the lips. CLINTON sits on SOROS’ lap. As he plays with her faux blonde hair, his fingers stick to the strands making her uncomfortable throughout the scene, her head moving, well, like a puppet.

SOROS
Hillary . . . my little bab. I’m so sorry we weren’t able to steal the election for you. This isn’t Chicago, you know.

CLINTON
(Starts to cry)
I know, I know. Please don’t remind me.

SOROS
(Dreamy)
Oh, how stealing was so much easier back in Hitler’s day.

BEST
(A realization, almost like “What the F***?”)
Um, George, what exactly do you mean? I’m uncomfortable right about now. (Mutters to himself, slaps himself in the head) Damn! Ringo wouldn’t be caught dead in this one act play!

SOROS
So I stole from a few Jews? I mean I'm a Jew. I steal from myself, from you, from the American people. (Laughs) I wasn't even born here. Ignet - Hungary-

CLINTON
(Dries eyes)
Are you still hungry?

SOROS
No longer, no. What a country! But, people do get touchy about this, this ancient history.

BUFFET
Opportunities come infrequently. When it rains gold, put out the bucket, not-

BEST
(Covers BUFFETT’S mouth with hand)
Warren, before this night is over, I swear I’ll-

HILLARY
Yeah, yeah, I know the feeling. So, I accepted a few hundreds of millions in bribes and people do get touchy. I mean, What difference, at this point, does it make?

SOROS
(Laughs)
Igen! Igen!

HILLARY
(Laughs and has a coughing fit, struggles to annunciate)
Opportunities come infrequently. When it rains gold, put out the bucket, not-

BEST
(Confused)
What the hell does "igen" mean?

HILLARY
(Struggles to speak)
I don't know - Google it like the Narrator - but a lot of ill-gained money always makes me smile.

NARRATOR
Had enough of this political conundrum? Me, too. More importantly, our two remaining characters, TRUMP and PUTIN have also had enough and approach the now four dimwits.

PUTIN
(To Soros, holds up Arrest Warrant, in Russian)
George, you’re old, fat a** is under arrest-

SOROS
(Incredulous)
For what?

PUTIN
For war crimes, treason and for just being a big rich d***! I’m haulin’ you back to Moscow for trial.

SOROS
(Resigned)
Oh . . . that.

NARRATOR
Apologies to my Russian audience, but I do not speak Russian and subsequently cannot translate Putin’s dialogue.

SOROS and CLINTON shake uncontrollably. BEST is confused. BUFFETT, well…

BUFFETT
I will tell you how to become rich. Close the doors. Be fearful when others are greedy. Be greedy when others are fearful.

TRUMP
Believe me, we know Warren how you took advantage of people losing their homes, stockpiled them at barn burner prices, sat on ‘em, and resold them when the market returned.

BEST
(Disgusted)
I should have known. Ringo wouldn’t put up with this high falutin’ corporate grab a**; neither would John, George or Pete. I’m so ashamed.

BEST exits.

TRUMP
(Turns to PATRON)
Open the door, please.

PATRON
Yes, sir, President Trump.

PUTIN
(Angry, in Russian)
Get up you Nazi war criminal, or I’ll drag your a** all the way back to Russia.

SOROS
(Throws CLINTON under table)
You can’t touch me. I’ll sick my angry mobs after you. (Yells) EBT!

EBT enters, disheveled, hurriedly and immediately eyes melted ice cream on the table. He licks his lips as TRUMP takes note.

SOROS
Show these fine men that I am untouchable. Use your threats of anarchy and Oakland-style thug muscle, Homie G!

TRUMP
(Sees through the charade)
Come on, I’ll buy you lunch.

TRUMP and EBT exeunt. Too fat and old, SOROS struggles to run out the door but PUTIN trips him. He falls and cries hysterically.

SOROS
You, fiend! I’ll sick the UN after you.

PUTIN
(In Russian)
Shut up, you filthy globalist.  (Looks under table at CLINTON, in broken English) You’re in big trouble, Crooked Hillary.

PUTIN and SOROS exeunt followed by all in shop - except for BUFFETT who…

BUFFETT
I tell college students, when you get to be my age you will be successful-

LIGHTS OUT

BUFFETT
If the people who you hope to have love you do love you.

CURTAIN


Unless you’re a Willing Welfare Lifer, 1%er, or just plain stupid, don’t be fooled by the Democratic Nazi Party of America, or their presidential selection, Barack Obama. The globalists are running scared. Yeah, well, Donald J. Trump is no angel but his worst traits are saintly compared to the DNPA’s best. If you don’t take that to the bank, the DNPA will take you to the cleaners - and along for a Chicago-style “one way ride.”


© 2016 Vox Populi. All laughs reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you like or hate what you read, feel free to share this with your friends and enemies. The 2016 Election is personal and as an Indie Voter . . . I support Donald J. Trump. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)


SOURCES







Saturday, April 22, 2017

Escape From the Democratic Nazi Party of America (Partie Deux)

This Sarcasm Just In...


Escape From the Democratic Nazi Party of America (Partie Deux)


By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi | April 22, 2017 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)


This crazy and short stage play/screenplay mish mash is based upon the classic film John Carpenter's, Escape From New York and the highly creative Chris .R. Notarile's, Escape From New Jersey.

STARRING
Donald J Trump . . . as our hero, Snake Plissken
Sean Hannity . . . as Himself
Dora the Explorer . . . as Herself
Vladimir Putin . . . as Himself


AND...SPECIAL GUEST STARS WHO ARE TRYING TO TAKE TAXPAYERS ALONG FOR A ONE-WAY RIDE
George Soros . . . as World’s Most Wanted Loser
Nancy Pelosi . . . as The Broom


EXTRA SPECIAL GUEST STARS (A Cacophony of Confusion)
Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary (HC2H - the perfect formula for corruption) . . . as The Wicked Witch of the East
Brian Frosh (MD Attorney General; "Stupid is as Stupid Does") . . . as Proverbial Prison Rapist #1
Victor Ramirez (MD DNPA Senator; "Stupid is as Stupid Does")) . . . as Proverbial Prison Rapist #2
Bill Clinton . . . as Proverbial Prison Gang Rape Victim (Karma)

EXT. GHETTO SECTION OF WASHINGTON - DAY
SNAKE and DORA walk carelessly through HOMELESS PEOPLE, ILLEGALS, WELFARE LIFERS and various Democratic Nazi Party OPERATIVES.


DORA
Hey - why are we risking our lives walkin’ through this s***hole?


SNAKE
Uh...you live near here, no?


DORA
(Giggles)
Oh, yeah, right. (Dumbstruck) Why not just call for a limo like Barack Obama-


LIBERAL CHOIR
(Rise from floor, sing gloriously)
Thank you, President Obama, for all you’ve done!

DORA
Would do - and charge the taxpayers for your comfort? I mean, who gives two s****, right?


SNAKE
What do you care - just because I care? For a cartoon character, you ask some pretty lame questions.


DORA
Excuse me, but I’ve never heard of a politician not f****** over the taxpayers.


SNAKE
Democracy reigns supreme!


DORA
(Stops abruptly)
Wait! I have to ask you this: Do you really think you’re going to “Make America Great Again?” I mean that crazy So Cal pol, Kevin de Leon - whose name is fake and advocates breaking the law just like his bosom buddy, "Teddy Lieu Who?" - tried to say you’re a racist.


SNAKE
(Stops)
They certainly know no hard work, either. The two Bozos shame their ancestors. Kev-Ted are Cali commies and know no shame.


DORA
Of, yeah. I forgot. California is the last of the huge communist states - behind the now defunct Soviet Union.


SNAKE
Good point. Grasshopper.


DORA
(Confused)
What?


SNAKE
(Mutters)
Cartoon figures.


Both continue walking.


DORA
Why are you in Washington, D.C., Snake? It is a s***hole and all - a swamp, right? (Deep thought) I mean, why bother?


SNAKE
Looks like I won an election. The people want me to change things. They’re sick and tired of the Nancy Pelosis, Maxine Waters and Lindsey Grahams.


DORA
Yuck! Pelosi reminds me of dried out Play-Doh, Waters reminds me of the character, Doctor Robert Elliot, in the classic film, Dressed to Kill - you know, when he’s dressed as a woman.


SNAKE
(Nods)
You’re getting all intellectual on me, Dora. (Slight pause) You know who Graham reminds me of?


DORA
(Ponders)
A globalist disguised as a Republican?


SNAKE
No - just a big d***!


DORA
(Giggles a bit, chokes on her spit, regains her composure)
Why are you so hated on most of the major TV, cable and media outlets?


SNAKE
(Shakes head)
Major TV, cable and media outlets? (Incredulous) You mean the Fakestream Media.


DORA
(Confused)
I’m just a cartoon character. Can you explain what you mean?


SNAKE
Sure. The major media outlets . . . ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, along with major newspapers like the L.A. Times, Chicago Tribune and The Washington Post, as well as social media sites like Facebook, Yahoo and Google . . . ALL are owned by just a handful of super rich, globalist-propogating, for lack of a better word, a*******. They put out their opinions as opposed to the news. Couple that with so many really lazy, uninformed people throughout our country, and you can see how easy it is for the Fakestream Media to push their evil agenda: wholly controlled economy, wholly controlled people. No rights, no benefits . . . except for the globalists. Yep, they don’t like me! I’m a nationalist and a capitalist. But…


DORA
But, what?


SNAKE
I get careless.


DORA
How?


SNAKE
I tweet.


DORA
(Nods head violently)
Ohhhh!


SNAKE
I tweet things sometimes that I shouldn’t. And the Fakestream Media jumps all over me.


DORA
That’s bulls***! Barack Obama-


LIBERAL CHOIR
(Rise from floor, sing gloriously)
Thank you, President Obama, for all you’ve done!


DORA
Opened our southern border like it was a federal government free cheese warehouse giveaway, created a worthless healthcare law - unless of course you get it totally for free as a Welfare Lifer and/or Illegal Alien - at the expense of the working class, gave away control of the Internet to the globalist U.N. and, to add insult to injury, apparently cheated on his wife, Michelle!


SNAKE
Yep. And the DNPA accuses me of being a crook!


DORA
I’m sorry.


SNAKE
Damn Democratic Nazis! I gotta fight back.


DORA
(Stops)
So . . . what now? I mean, you’re still coming over to my abuela’s house, right? (Excited) Better yet - let me go with you. Let me help you fight the globalist turds!


SNAKE
(Stops)
Let me say this: Anyone around me get’s attacked in the media. Even my young son, Baron, has been abused by left wing insurgents from Hollywood and Unfunny SNL.


DORA
People everywhere are being attacked, Snake. Kids, cops, regular, law-abiding citizens. I’m not afraid!


SNAKE
No!


DORA
How come?


SNAKE
(Continues walking)
Cause I said so!


DORA
(Stands proudly)
F*** the left wing!


SUDDENLY, out of the creepy darkness of the DNPA-controlled urban area, BILL Clinton grabs DORA along with PROVERBIAL PRISON RAPIST #1 and #2, with THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST in tow. The dastardly globalists wildly fire their weapons at SNAKE.


HANNITY
(Holds up sign stating, “PC Disclaimer”)
Liberal readers - please don’t be offended by the use of a word - any word - that even tangentially refers to a firearm, gun, weapon, etc. which shoots projectiles viz-a-viz gunpowder. BTW: no macro-, micro- or even theoretical aggression is intended by the slamming of people who wear eye patches, like our hero, Snake Plissken, nor people who love or hate guns. Vox Populi wants you to keep reading….


DORA
(Screams and struggles)
Snake!


SNAKE
(Turns and pulls out assault rifle, shoots several rounds)
Creepy Dems!


A gun battle ensues between the groups. BILL accidentally on purpose shoots THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST.


THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST
(Drops to ground)
I’m melting, melting-


SNAKE
Wrong fairy tale, fool!


George SOROS, wielding THE BROOM, enters this crazy scene with hundreds of his paid ZOMBIE PROTESTERS. They attack SNAKE.


SOROS
(Waves THE BROOM)
Get dis criminal!


THE BROOM
(Dizzy)
Uh, Mr. Darkness, please stop-


SOROS
(To THE BROOM)
Shut up, mein Bab!


SNAKE
(Shoots down ZOMBIE PROTESTERS like flies in a bug zapper)
Yeah, shut up!


SOROS, clutching ever tightly THE BROOM, flees the blood bath. SUDDENLY, DEUS EX MACHINA occurs . . . for Vladimir PUTIN arrives and arrests the evil goober globalist SOROS and his equally evil sidekick, THE BROOM - as an accessory to crimes against the Russian people.


WARNING! The following scene is brutal. Political discretion is advised.


MEANWHILE…


SNAKE approaches the screaming DORA who is now in the perverted, slimy clutches of BILL - with his sidekicks, PROVERBIAL PRISON RAPIST #1 and #2, in tow.


SNAKE
(To the three crumbs, levels assault rifle)
Let her go, or I’ll blast all three of you back to Chappaqua, New York!


PROVERBIAL PRISON RAPIST #1 and #2
(In unison)
But, Mr. Snake, we don’t live in-


SNAKE
(Could care less, blasts the trio to hell - barely missing DORA)
What a waste of ammo.


DORA
(Angry, runs up to SNAKE, punches him)
What the hell was that? You could have killed me!


SNAKE
Calm down. After all, you’re just a cartoon character.


DORA
(Like, “Duh!”)
Oh, yeah!

END PARTIE DEUX


Unless you’re an Angry Liberal Voter, Willing Welfare Lifer, 1%er, or just plain stupid, don’t be fooled by the Democratic Nazi Party of America, or their presidential selection, Barack Obama. The globalists are running scared and they’ve sicked their call girls, the Fake Stream Media Outlets, after President Trump and his administration. Yeah, well, Donald J. Trump is no angel but his worst traits are saintly compared to the DNPA’s best. If you don’t take that to the bank, the DNPA will take you to the cleaners - and along for a Chicago-style “one way ride.”

© 2017 Vox Populi. All rights reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you like or hate what you read, feel free to share this with your friends and enemies. The 2016 Election was personal and as an Indie Voter . . . I support President Donald J. Trump. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)