Friday, July 29, 2016

My Honest Interview With a Crooked Blood Sucker And A Patriot: A Sit-Down With HCCH And DT

This Sarcastic Note Just In…


My Honest Interview With a Crooked Blood Sucker And A Patriot: A Sit-Down With HCCH And DT


By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi |  July 29, 2016 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)


Vox Populi is truth serum laced into the doobage of the Left Wing Mediums - clairvoyants with their trembling left hand around the jugular of the people, and their right around the nearest vanilla snack cake. The taxpayers gotta get the facts somehow.


AFTER A DRINKING BINGE (The Bern turned me into a drug user - go figure!), I fell into a deep slumber and found myself in this story...


All-American J.Q. Voter here!


Luckily I made the right phone calls at the right time and was able to pull some strings and pull in some favors. (Hillary owed me big time for all the snack cakes I had provided her over our short relationship, whereas Trump, well he owes nothing to nobody.) Ironically, before the interview started, Hillary asked me point blank on the sly, “Do I look fat - you know, from eating all the junk food?” My reply, “No, no, no. You look as pretty as when you first entered the cell block at Joliet Correctional Center.” I lied.


HCCH, Hillary Clinton, Crooked Hillary, the sound has a nice, normal ring to it; kind of reminds me of the old Norman Lear TV show, “Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman” (1976-77). Frankly, I don’t know why. DT, Donald Trump, kind of sounds like what one would call something explosive - that is in a good way. “Don’t f*** with me or I’ll ship you some of this DT!” Frankly, I don’t know why. If this paragraph doesn’t make sense or sound funny, remember it’s just a dream. God Help me if it’s the entire story!


The Illinois, or if you don’t live in Illinois, the “Illinoise” Department of Corrections was kind enough to Trump and I to meet the Queen of Corruption inside the high security zone of the outside picnic area along the heavily travelled thoroughfare outside the daunting, five-foot-eight-inch prison walls. HCCH is about 170 centimeters tall. (Math joke) The point of the sit-down was to actually ask - outside of the Left Wing Mediums - the two principal candidates about key issues affecting our country and which are driving tens of millions to the polls to vote on Tuesday, November 8, 2016. BTW - I asked the Green Party candidate, Dr. Jill Stein, to participate but she had a pot convention to attend. Go figure? Why, you ask? I wanted to appear to be concerned about other ideas outside the realm of our two-party system. Yes, I’m biased. The Left Wing Mediums taught me something.


Trump and I arrived exceptionally early for the meeting, about 10:15, whereas the meeting started in less than five minutes after we arrived. The chains clanking together broke the silence. Her she comes! Trump studied his watch and I could tell he was probably thinking, “I can’t believe I’m meeting this fool in Joliet.” Hillary entered the picnic area surrounded by three guards, one African American, one Hispanic and one Asian, “extra security measures” I was told, straight from the grassroots to ensure Hillary didn’t give society “the slip” again like with the FBI Email thing (See: Hillary Slips Through The Cuffs). She seemed utterly defeated especially when Hillary flashed me the, “You got the snack cakes?” look and I could only shake my head in shame. Hillary suddenly became shaken when she realized each carried a firearm. "Oh, geez, oh, geez. Guns make me nervous." Well, the Hispanic guard replied, "We carry them because you make US nervous." The Asian guard facetiously added, "You are worried about the presence of a gun but not the abortion of a child? Strange"

The three guards individually unlocked each of the three sets of shackles to the subdued chuckles of Trump. The African American guard took all three shackles and tossed them onto the nearby picnic table and replied, “We’ll’ be back. Hillary - we have our eyes on you! No funny stuff.” The guards each reached for Trump’s hand as they exited. I found that . . . profound and not surprising. Trump has that effect on working people who pay taxes.


We sat at the shackle-laden table. Trump looked at Hillary directly,  reached out his hand and said, “Hillary. It’s been awhile.” Hillary, without looking Trump in the eye, slowly responded, “Likewise.” I started the interview…


VOTER


Thank you both for being here. I know it isn’t easy meeting like this.


Trump perfunctorily brushed off the tabletop in front of him as Hillary started to play with the shackles laying right in front of her. Trump suddenly studied his watch again-


DT
I don’t mean to be rude, but I have a rally in four hours in downtown Detroit.


HCCH
I . . . have nothing planned at the moment.


VOTER
Mr. Trump - How do you plan to deal with illegal immigration?


DT
Well, definitely not outlaw the use of the term like those wacky California Dems in Sacramento.


HCCH
(Animated)
Hey - Brown’s my friend and confidante!


VOTER
You’ll get your turn to speak, Hillary.


I pushed the shackles closer to Hillary and she continued to fiddle with them.


DT
We need a well-built, well-defended border to protect our citizens and legal residents. We will follow the Mexican Government’s immigration standards and customs: if you’re illegal, you’ll be detained, prosecuted and deported. Their standard is smart, righteous and true to the law of the land.


VOTER
Hillary?


HCCH
I don’t even know how to answer that without first getting a guarantee of immunity from prosecution (Looks around). I mean, look where I’m at. (Whispers to me) Didn’t we discuss this already?


VOTER
Yes, we did. (See: My Honest Interview  . . . Partie Deux...) So you have nothing to add . . . or subtract about illegal immigration?


HCCH
I - respectfully plead the fourth-


DT
That’s fifth, Hillary. Next question, please.


VOTER
Mr. Trump - How do you plan to deal with the enormous national debt?


DT
That’s easy, believe it or not. We’ll cut down the national debt . . . we’ll cut it in half in 4 years. Hands down. It will be painful, especially if you’re a welfare lifer and illegal alien. But our struggling elderly on social security and our beloved but struggling veterans deserve nothing less. The money we save will be used to attack all three problems.


HCCH
You can’t threaten the Democratic Party’s “bread and butter” constituent base!


DT
(Disgusted)
Bread and butter is right.


VOTER
Hillary?


HCCH
(Shakes her head)
You can’t . . . I’ll have to call Nancy Pelosi STAT. The welfare base IS the Democratic Party. That’s our life’s blood-


DT
What about the middle-


VOTER
I got this, Mr. T. What about the middle class, Hillary? I thought you cared about the people who actually pay for this so-called life’s blood.


HCCH
(Tightly grips the shackles)
We, we, do. I mean, we need the middle class to pay for these programs. You know, borrow from Peter to pay Paul kind of harmonious, albeit Karl Marxian, relationship.


DT
(Forcefully took the shackles from Hillary’s hands and tossed them on the ground.)
We know, Hillary. We know. Next question.


VOTER
Mr. Trump - how will you deal with the massive welfare state started by LBJ but, like an out-of-control drug habit, blown out of proportion by BHO?


I noticed that Hillary immediately put her head down on the picnic table.


DT
That’s quite a pickle Obama’s put us in as a nation. States like California are made up of considerable levels of welfare recipients not to mention illegal aliens who also demand services and get them from the Democratic Party tyranny in Sacramento - to the chagrin of responsible taxpayers. These numbers are debatable because the federal Democratic bureaucracy doesn’t want to be truthful about how much money they’re wasting to coddle their welfare constituency, their “life’s blood” . . . as Hillary mentioned so eloquently. (See: Golden Fleece State)


HCCH
(Raises head abruptly)
Come one, Donald . . . get to the point!


VOTER
Hillary - keep it quiet. Your turn’s next.


HCCH
(Lowered head abruptly)


DT
“Citizen” Kaine thinks this is a joke, but BELIEVE ME, this is what I would like to do: you will get 100% benefits if you are unemployed, zero if you are illegal and or have children whether they are born her or not - which will solve the “anchor baby” problem. Lifers get one year to get off but I will make sure they are offered a job paying a living wage as a substitute. Again, the money saved will go to paying down the debt and boosting spending on seniors and veterans.


VOTER
Hillary?


HCCH
(Snores)


VOTER
HILLARY!


HCCH
(Wipes off drool around mouth)
Yeah, yeah, of course. Um. What do you want to know?


VOTER
How will you deal with the massive welfare state started by LBJ but, like an out-of-control drug habit, blown out of proportion by BHO?


HCCH
(Angry)
Obama’s got it in one sock. He’s-


DT
A shrew.


HCCH
(Smiles deviously) Shrewd…. (See: Obama Subverts the Law)


VOTER
Hillary


HCCH
(Smiles) An endless constituency. I . . . plead the fourth. (Lapses into a fog)


DT
Fifth. (Raises right hand) I, Hillary Rodham Clinton, plead the fifth. Next question.


VOTER
Mr. Trump - How will you deal with Obamacare?


DT
First thing is the Federal officials including the president, Congress and courts, will have to use the same insurance as J.Q. Public.
  
HCCH
F*** that! I'm not waitin' around for MY healthcare! I have a daughter and grandson to think of.


DT
Right, right, right . . . now you know how the vets feel - you know, the one's you threw under the bus!


HCCH
Kiss my a**, Trump!


DT
Blow it out your a**, Clinton.


The two stood and mad dogged each other.


Voter
Candidates, candidates, Come on. Can we just stick to the script?


DT
Obamacare - we need to scrap it. It really only benefits the welfare, non-taxpayer class. I would create a system where all workers receive 100% free health care because they work. Retirees are 100% free. Vets are 100% free. Welfare lifers have to pay for their own health care because they refuse to work but they will be provided walk-in clinics in their neighborhoods where they can access the care. Illegals and their children - born here or not - get none because they are not supposed to be in the U.S. anyways.


HCCH
Fat chance, Trump. We, the Democratic Party and its ilk make up the majority now. (Sings) It’s too late, baby, now, it’s too late. Plus (Winks at Trump and Voter), we are under the control of the 1% which seeks globalization at all costs.


DT
We’ll see. Guards!


The three guards enter and Hillary’s crass attitude toward the opposition and the voters disappeared instantaneously. A good prison sentence will do that to most crooks. Will Hillary be one of them?


I suddenly heard a loud and distant SLAM. It was just me and the Queen of Corruption. She looked me in the eyes, leaned over the picnic table, and kissed me. I instantly woke up on the floor of my spacious four hundred square foot penthouse suite, realized the double tragedy of not really speaking to Trump and getting kissed by Hillary, even if in a dream, and barfed on my relatively new eight year old Chicago Shag carpeting! Since Hillary and the Dems will only unilaterally act on what the 1% wants, I wishfully ask President Trump to act on these vital issues within his first 100 days.


© 2016 Vox Populi. All laughs reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you love or hate what I say, please share it with a friend or enemy. The 2016 Election is personal and I support Donald J. Trump. Our kids and grandkids cannot afford the alternative, Chairwoman Clinton and the Democratic Communist Party of America. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)



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