Saturday, August 20, 2016

Hillary Clinton’s Champagne Jam - the Don Quixote of Political Movements



This Sarcasm Just In...


Hillary Clinton’s Champagne Jam - the Don Quixote of Political Movements


By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi |  August 20, 2016 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)


The Clinton News Network (CNN), part of the Left Wing Mediums whose ideas are so far left they leave you spinning in circles, aired a mega-short interview of Michael Cohen cum lawyer cum Trump supporter, by Brianna Kellar cum lawyer cum reporter cum Clinton supporter touting scurrilous poll numbers from the flagship of the left wing media, The Huffington Post. (See: CNN Sideshow)


Naturally, the LWMs jettisoned this into their own inane cyberspace and it took off amongst the liberal lionfish (genus gullible). Here’s a sarcastic look (albeit fact-based) at an exchange between one of the Devil’s political advisers, George Washington Plunkitt (See: GWP and The Shame of the Cities), and Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary (See: HC2H) - within minutes after she catches the D Train due south. Finally getting to meet her all time idol, Mrs. C, the Queen of Corruption, gushes in front of the original King of Corruption (there’s a long-standing rule in hell that you can only hold a title for five hundred years, give or take five hundred years, so Niccolo Machiavelli reluctantly acquiesced and carefully exchanged the gilded Brazilian baton with Mr. P).


Willie Sutton (See: Willie Sutton) walks by excitedly pushing a broom, winks at Hillary and exalts, “Only two more decades and I get to go back north!” As Mephistopheles drags a visibly nervous and screaming Machiavelli into the dark, dank shadows, and Plunkitt, appearing seven feet tall, nervously and simultaneously picking his teeth, his nose and eating cookies out of a bankrupt booty jar, the following exchange erupts in the foyer of hell…
………………………………………………………………………




Hillary Clinton (HC2H)
(Hands to pudgy face, cake makeup melting)
I’m so honored to meet you!


George Washington Plunkitt (GWP)
(Looks around with hands in his face)
I . . . don’t see it quite like that.


HC2H
(Runs up, kneels and hugs his leg, naive)
Oh, but I do!


GWP
(Throws down toothpick and empty bootie jar, pulls up HC2H and grabs her hands )
Honey, honey - Hello? You’re in Hell!
(Slaps her)
Hell to Hillary - focus! I was sent, via a special request from the Devil’s favorite news channel, CNN, to ask you some pertinent questions and I expect pertinent answers.


HC2H
(Wipes booger covered hands on her pants, startled)
Oh, OK. Shoot!


BOTH DUCK SUDDENLY.


GWP
Don’t use that phrase here! It’s only permissible in the Earthly realm or amongst hyperbolic Democrats during media events. Now that you’re, you know, in the underworld, there’s no lying whatsoever.


HC2H
(Visibly confused)
You have my word-


GWP
(Shakes head)
Hillary!


HC2H
(Like a cat with the canary in her snout)
All right, all right.


GWP
I’ll state some facts - but this is no gameshow, nor a CNN interview - and you can respond to those facts. Here goes. You have a reputation for corruption, political assassinations, and just being a mean old goat. To avoid crossing that PC line, embellish that last phrase on your own, Hillary, for even the Devil avoids potentially litigious PC phraseology. You know, we can’t even use the old adage “Devil may care attitude” anymore for fear of atheists in New York City filing suit for slander against the Prince of Darkness; the Prince of Darkness!


HC2H
Mr. Plunkitt - the reader’s getting annoyed.


GWP
Right, right, right . . . well?


HC2H
You’re question?


GWP
It’s not a question, but a fact. You have an evil reputation. I mean-
(Looks around and throws up his hands)


HC2H
Says who?


GWP
Honest people.


HC2H
Which honest people?


GWP
All of them. Second fact: You’re husband, Bill, whose presently in the blockhouse for crossing the line with the Prince of Darkness’s Rules of Human Conduct, Hitler’s his neighbor by the way-


HC2H
(Mutters)
Scumbag - got what he-


GWP
What’s that?


HC2H
Oh nothing, my brain just “short circuited.” (See: Proof of . . . You Guess It!)


GWP
Anywho - Bill has reportedly slept with thousands of women-
(Looks at reader)
Do you know where this is going?


HC2H
(Bristly)
Damn . . . women are to blame-


GWP
Yeah, sure.
(Mutters)
Denial, denial, denial.
(Clears throat)
Bill has reportedly slept with thousands of women by his own account, allegedly raped several, and has even soiled sacred rooms within the White House including but not limited to the Map Room. (See: Notches on the Belt and Crisis of Character)


HC2H
Who says?


GWP
Honest people.


HC2H
Which honest people?


GWP
All of them. It is said that you take for granted all minority groups, but especially African Americans,  by pandering for their votes but doing absolutely nothing for them or their communities.


HC2H
Who says?


GWP
Honest people.


HC2H
Which honest people?


GWP
All of them.
(Smiles proudly)
Its is said, by the Devil himself even, that you take hundreds of millions of dollars in donations from individuals and foreign governments in a “pay for play,” or as they said in the good old days of Tammany Hall, quid pro quo. You essentially take bribes. (See: Pay For Play)
(Laughs proudly)
The boodle is way more than I ever accumulated in my tenure in the Rotten Apple.
(Jabs her playfully)
You go girl! You dog, I mean bit**, I mean, well, you know what I mean.


HC2H
(Smiles, jabs GWP back playfully)
Oh, bit** fits. Wait - Who says?


GWP
Honest people.


HC2H
Which honest people?


GWP
All of them.


HC2H
Oh. They do?
(Notices two rats procreating, smiles eerily, shakes her head back and forth, and laughs uproariously)


GWP
The reader’s seek a quick end to this mindless tale of corruption spun out of control - now being unwound in the depths of Hades. So, let’s bring this pseudo self-examination home.
(Gently grabs Hillary’s jowls)
Hillary! Pay attention. This next one even frightens my - and your - boss, frankly.


HC2H
(A blank stare)


GWP
It is said that, if elected, you’ll make America less safe than Catherine the Great made her husband, Peter III, safe. In fact, many people believe you will severely limit if not suspend the 1st and 2nd Amendments. They say, you’ll be a tyrant if not a dictator, the likes of which the world hasn’t seen since Mussolini, Stalin, Hitler or, well, Catherine the Great. Even Richard Nixon’s reputation, thanks to Obama and you, if I may say so, has now dramatically improved from “the imperial president” to “one of our greatest.” (See: Scary Truth)


HC2H
(Erupts, grabs Plunkitt, throws him against the wall and punches him in his face, giving the poor, gentle, corrupt soul a black eye)
Nixon - Who says?


GWP
Honest people.


HC2H
Which honest people?


GWP
All of them.
(Grabs hold of himself, looks at Hillary with concern)
Hillary, you used to be a beautiful woman, a babe in fact, but now you’re uglier, inside and out, than original sin.


HC2H
Who says?


GWP
Honest people.


HC2H
Which honest people.


GWP
All of them.


HC2H
(Resigned)
All I can say is, “Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely.”
(Looks at the reader)
Only YOU can save America - from me. Truth is stranger than fiction. Truth is, Trump . . . Donald J. Trump . . . is the only person in this fragile point in our history who can save America for our children and our grandchildren.
(Cries as Mephistopheles gently leads her away into the dark, dank shadows)


Dedicated to Richard Milhous Nixon (1913-1944)
37th President of the United States


Thanks to President Obama’s corrupt, imperial reign, without a doubt now one of our greatest presidents ever.


“It’s only a beginning, always. The young must know it, the old must know it . . . Because the greatness comes - not when things go always good for you - but the greatness comes when you’re really tested. When you take . . . some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes . . . because only if you’ve been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be . . . on the highest mountain . . . Always give your best. Never get discouraged. Never be petty. Always remember . . . others may hate you. Those who hate you don’t win . . . unless you hate them. And then - you destroy yourself.” President Nixon, August 9, 1974 (See: Nixon's Last WH Speech as President)


© 2016 Vox Populi. All laughs reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you like or hate what you read, feel free to share this with your friends and enemies. The 2016 Presidential Election is personal and as an Indie Voter . . . I support Donald J. Trump. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)




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