Saturday, October 29, 2016

Hillary 4P - The One Act Play

This Sarcasm Just In...

Hillary 4P - The One Act Play

By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi | October 29, 2016 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)

CHARACTERS

CHERUB ONE (Arrow Wielding - Naive Voter)

CHERUB TWO (Sledge Hammer Wielding - Educated Voter)

HILLARY Clinton

BILL Clinton

DEMONS

DEVIL

DOG

Johann Wolfgang Von GOETHE

Adolph HITLER

HINKY DINK Kenna

MEPHISTOPHELES

Donald J. TRUMP

ZEM (Opaque Spirit)


SETTING

Chappaqua, New York - real HQ of the Clinton Foundation. A large bank vault chocked full of illicit cash from all nations. HILLARY Clinton, dressed in the finest tailored pantsuit known to womankind, sits on her knees, admiring the booty.

We faintly hear the prophetically peaceful words of Dr. Martin Luther, King, Jr.’s, I Have A Dream speech…

KING (OS)
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted. Every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight….

HILLARY
(Embraces Yuan - with that trademark sh**** grin and drowns out King's voice)
Oh, joy, joy, joy. I’ll be able to buy many new pantsuits and keep the molestation victims placated - for a while.

SUDDENLY - the loud clank of the vault tumbler breaks the peace. BILL enters riding a cheap, foreign made, skateboard. Hillary is oblivious.

BILL
(Kicks the board up and smoothly catches it)
Hey, Hill. What’s ya doin?

HILLARY
(Undaunted, looks at the money, kisses it, then aggressively picks at her lips to remove stuck cotton fibers)
Pitooey! What are you mumbling about. Bill? Where’s the soccer mom? (Notices skateboard, puts down cash, nods) Hey - what gives?

BILL
(Admires skateboard)
Oh, that. My preacher friend, Reverend Wrong-

HILLARY
Wong - I thought he was dead?

BILL
(Flustered, blends words)
Duh-Wrong-

HILLARY
Don’t get fresh with me, Bill!

DEVIL suddenly appears with MEPHISTOPHELES attached to his hip - literally.

DEVIL
Now, now, my little Belladonna. Remember, we need you to stay focused for this election.

MEPHISTOPHELES
Yeah! Remember, we need you to stay focused for this election.

DEVIL
Now, Katie C - be quiet.

BILL lies in the pile of cash and falls asleep.

MEPHISTOPHELES
But sir, my real name is supposed to be a secret.

DEVIL
You can fool most of the people, most of the time, sweetie, but not everybody. Remember?

MEPHISTOPHELES
Oh, yeah, that damn Sean Hannity!

DEVIL
(Death stare)
Katie C - silence . . . for now. (To HILLARY, looks at BILL disgustingly) We need to talk. Get him out of here. (Snaps fingers)

CHERUB ONE and CHERUB TWO enter. The former shoots BILL with an arrow but he only stirs. The latter hits BILL over the head with a sledgehammer . . . and knocks him out.

CHERUB ONE
(Alarmed, gently shakes BILL)
Oh, me, oh my, what have you done to our president? You fiend!

CHERUB TWO
(Smiles)
You are so naive, C.O. Let’s do what Prince of Darkness asks and get this bum out of here.

DEVIL
(Bows graciously)
Thank You.

As CHERUB TWO pulls BILL by the crotch and drags him out, and with CHERUB ONE fawning over the fate of BILL…

HILLARY
Wait! I asked Bill a question. Unconscious or not, like with all working taxpayers, I demand respect and an answer!

BILL and CHERUBS exeunt.

DEVIL
(Giggles)
Of course. WWJD, right? Mephi?

MEPHISTOPHELES
Well-

Johann Wolfgang von GOETHE abruptly enters. DEVIL and MEPHISTOPHELES cower slightly.

GOETHE
I can answer that. You see, Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary, HC2H - the perfect formula for corruption, if I may call you that-

HILLARY
Indubitably-

GOETHE
Anywho, when you get to Heaven, depending on how corrupt you are, God sees fit to give you a mode of transportation inversely related to your level of corruption; ergo the skateboard for Bill.

HILLARY
But, he’s not dead-

GOETHE
Yet! Besides, he tried to tell you Reverend Wrong told him this spiritual truth and that he was only practicing for the time-

HILLARY
Reverend Wong died months ago, right after he moved to China!

DEVIL
(Frustrated)
All right, all right. Enough! Besides, you and Bill aren’t going north my little Belladonna. You’re going south, you know, KKK-like, with me and Katie C.

HILLARY
(Slightly ajar, lipstick suddenly looks skewed)
Oh. Really? (Eyes cash, perks up) Oh, all right.

MEPHISTOPHELES
You’ll love it, Hill. Got your room all picked out. We just need to work on the color scheme sometime. Orange and black are really hot right now.

GOETHE
Hillary - it’s not too late to repent. Trust me, you do not want to do business with the Devil - and his peops. The Democratic Nazi Party of America with the HQ in Chicago, and the likes of George Soros, Warren Buffett, the Left Wing Mediums - like the Washington Post and ABC, and the 1% are not to be toyed with. They play for keeps. Once a Crooked Chicago Moll, always so. Remember the Curse of the Goat? To this day, Chicagoans blame all of their woes on a cow, a goat and a woman, Mrs. O’Leary. Oh, yeah, and the Republicans.

HITLER and HINKY DINK enter quietly arm-in-arm.

DEVIL
(Confused)
I didn’t snap my fingers.

HITLER
You didn’t need to, sire. I know your every wonder, wish and whim.

DEVIL
(Motions toward Goethe)
Get Mr. High and Mighty out of here.

HINKY DINK
(Frees himself from Hitler; to Goethe)
How dare you besmirch the good name of my fair city.

In trots GOETHE’S Shih Tzu/Maltese mix DOG and it urinates on HITLER. MEPHISTOPHELES, HINKY DINK and HILLARY cower behind DEVIL and HITLER. HILLARY shows an attraction to HITLER.

DEVIL
(Disgusted)
What is wrong with this evil world? (Mutters) One act plays. (Lightens up) What’s the cute little creature’s name?

HITLER, shaking leg, tries to grab GOETHE - who slugs HITLER onto the floor.

GOETHE
(To Dog)
Been waiting to do that for some time now. Come on - Liberty.

GOETHE and DOG exit followed by HITLER and HINKY DINK.

HILLARY
Hey, what the hell is the premise in this drama?

All look around in confusion.

HILLARY
Well?

DEVIL
Let’s recap. You were sitting here enjoying your corrupt gains when-

BILL reappears…

BILL
I entered riding a skateboard.

BILL disappears.

DEVIL
(Looks around)
Ta da! Then Katie C and I appeared-

CHERUB ONE and TWO reappear…

CHERUB ONE/TWO
(In unison)
We entered to remove Bill from the stage-

CHERUB ONE and TWO disappear.

GOETHE reappears…

GOETHE
I entered to explain the spiritual truth of the skateboard.

HITLER and HINKY DINK reappear arm-in-arm.

HITLER
We came to remove Goethe.

DOG reappears…

DOG
(Barks!)

GOETHE
Liberty here came to soil Hitler’s leg.

GOETHE and DOG disappear - followed by HITLER and HINKY DINK.

HILLARY
Hey, what the hell is the premise in this drama?

DEVIL
(Rushes Hillary, embraces her)
You asked that already. I think your psyche medz need to be tweaked a bit.

HILLARY shakes her head, laughs inappropriately and loses focus.

HILLARY
Monica, Gennifer, Paula, and, and - and Juanita….

DEVIL
(Alarmed)
Oh, sh**! The election’s only ten days away. Hillary Clinton Crooked Hill- er, she’s our only hope for world domination.

MEPHISTOPHELES
What about President Obama? He could pull a false flag op and blame it on a YouTube video?

DEVIL
Nah, he’s too into Caroline Kennedy (Winks) and golf (Sighs). Mark Cuban sure has F***** that up, too, sticking his worthless opinions into (Smiles) our beautiful corrupt creation. It’s hard to take rich dems seriously, anymore. Besides, we need someone who is crooked enough, sinister enough, evil enough to fight back the white light campaign of her opponent.

MEPHISTOPHELES
(Nods)
Hillary! You’re right. The Park Ridge Pariah: She’s the only one who fits the bill.

DEVIL paces back and forth, deep in thought. Twelve months like of primary silence reigns for a time.

DEVIL
Ah, ha! Get me her DNPA doctor!

MEPHISTOPHELES
DNPA? Obamacare’s a failure.

DEVIL
You fool! The Democratic Nazi Party of America. You know, the new fascist movement led by the 1%ers. Don’t you get the Hitler metaphor? (Mutters) Geez, these one act plays!

MEPHISTOPHELES
(Feels so stupid, as if death by piano wire strangulation would not resolve the matter)
Yes, of course, my Lord. I will send for him right-

SUDDENLY Donald J. Trump enters - brushing back his hair and surrounded by several DEMONS.

DEVIL
(Shocked)
Trump! How dare you enter the hallowed halls of this bank vault - chocked full of illicit cash - of the Clinton Foundation HQ in Chappaqua, New York, 10514?

MEPHISTOPHELES
(As if God himself entered)
Deus ex machina!

DEVIL
(Notes DEMONS and smiles)
Brazile, Warren, Biden, Kaine - and Abel!

The DEMONS surround Trump and he slugs them one-by-one onto floor. He stands over Biden who cowers. DEVIL, MEPHISTOPHELES and HILLARY grab each other in fear.

TRUMP
It’s over, Mr. D. Belive me! You and Hillary need to pack it up and go back to whence you came.

MEPHISTOPHELES
What about me?

TRUMP
(Incredulous - to HILLARY
You always did surround yourself with stupid people.

DEVIL
(Primps himself)
Let’s go, ladies. The Trumpster’s right; timings wrong-

HILLARY
Reverend Wong died-

DEVIL
Hillary! You and Bill screwed it all up! He and his sexual molestations, you and your fetish for cold hard cash. (Smiles) The root of all evil - choked your potential presidency before it even started. I must say, Hillary, evilly speaking, you are good; sort of. Now - let’s head back south.

HILLARY
But, I don’t want to rule from Hell. I want Washington, D.C., the White House, the presidency-

ZEM enters…

ZEM
(Flutters by)
I’m so proud of you for keeping IT in the family.

ZEM exits.

TRUMP
Try prison. Maybe you can rule with your cronies in Chicago, Crooked Hillary . . . but not America.

DEVIL, MEPHISTOPHELES, HILLARY and the DEMONS exeunt.

TRUMP opens up his wallet and removes a photo of Dr. King. He studies it as...

We faintly hear the prophetically peaceful words of Dr. Martin Luther, King, Jr’s, I Have A Dream speech…

KING (OS)
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted. Every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight….


CURTAIN


Unless you’re a Willing Welfare Lifer, 1%er or just plain stupid, don’t be fooled by Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary (HC2H - the perfect formula for corruption). Yeah, well, Donald J. Trump is no angel but his worst traits are saintly compared to HC2H’s best. If you don’t take that to the bank on November 8th, Hillary will take you to the cleaners - and along for a Chicago-style “one way ride.”


© 2016 Vox Populi. All laughs reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you like or hate what you read, feel free to share this with your friends and enemies. The 2016 Election is personal and as an Indie Voter . . . I support Donald J. Trump. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)





SOURCES