Sunday, October 2, 2016

Whose Voting for Whom? (Crooked Hillary's Confession)

This Sarcasm Just In...


Whose Voting for Whom? (Crooked Hillary's Confession)


By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi | October 1, 2016 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)


Haiku 2016
Obama’s a dope,
Crooked Hillary’s a shill,
Trump’s our only hope.


Last night, I fell into a deep slumber and “woke up” in a Chappaqua, New York Starbucks on South Greeley Avenue, gorging on a half-decaffeinated-half-caf too weak for my adrenaline-filled blood stream; the election now only 38 days distant. Astro-traveling can be fun and educational. Lo and behold, near the counter, close to the obligatory snack rack and cooler loaded shelf to shelf with healthy junk food and food that would junk your health, stood Hillary Rodham Clinton herself; all 5’ 7” tall - and wide. She didn’t notice me sitting at the corner table, near the prolifically smelling restrooms, simultaneously sipping on my proverbial low energy douche, nibbling on a hard-as-a-rock blueberry scone as well as a Madeleine baked delight. Yummy!


Naturally, Hillary Rodham Clinton . . . was too busy texting to notice me and was preoccupied with maintaining a 23.5 degree lean against the cooler which served a dual purpose: it kept her butt cool and prevented her from falling over as was customary lately for this highly presumptuous presidential candidate and all around verbal, physical and emotional clutz from Chicago. But where is this going? In an instant, my energy gauge rocking like a 1966 Oldsmobile Dynamic 88 at a drive in during a date, I shot up and approached the, to use the Honorable Louis Farrakhan’s words, “wicked woman.” Back up! I do not want to be accused of any so-called micro-agressions, so a quick rewind. I gingerly got out of my sticky seat and approached this woman, dressed all in black mind you (it is a dream/nightmare sort of), to ask her a few pointed questions.


Some time ago reader, I was able to “interview” Hillary while she was in Joliet Prison. (See: My Honest Interview) So, in another mental plane, I already knew how to handle this slimy sneak thief from Chicago. In a twist of fate, time and space, after smelling my spicy high cost low end cologne, Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary (HC2H - the perfect formula for corruption), immediately met me eye-to-eye. I quickly realized that my cologne did smell a bit like money, and naturally understanding Hillary’s main weakness/criminal behavior (Genetics courtesy of her “hardworking, honest dad perhaps?) - and she knowing that I knew what she knew - Hillary began her nervous head shaking bit. (I'm Sick and Dying - Not Rocking Out) Before realizing what was happening, I mistakenly but quickly scanned the store for a customer with a boombox or loud music playing smart phone. Frankly, the Queen of Corruption’s head banging reminded me of the Sugar Hill Gang’s classic, “Rapper’s Delight.” (See: Rapper's Delight) But I digress. Our convo unfolded like so...


ME
Hey, Mrs. Crook!  Damn glad to meet you!


As I double checked my wallet, HC2H  gave me the death stare like that when Rapist in Chief Bill confessed publicly that, “Yes - I did have sex with that women.”
clinton_scandal.jpg
I noticed that she continued to lean on the snack cooler which made perfect sense given the size of her gluteus maximus and squirrel like cheeks which actually seemed more like the makings of a Halloween horror mask one would find in any online or box retailer this month. The Queen slowly put away her smartphone and spoke.


HILLARY
You’re deplorable. Do you work?


ME
Yes, I do, Queeny. I pay $1800 per month in taxes as well as $800 per month for Barack’s Welfare Lifer Constituency Health Plan which naturally is paid for by the working taxpayers - not the Democratic Party or its base supporters. I believe you call it Obamacare. Those who actually get stiffed with the bill and crappy care, like veterans and the elderly and people like me, simply call it rape of the taxpayer - Chicago style.


HILLARY
Oh… All right, all right, already. My venti white mocha frapp is almost ready and I’m grabbing it like a 20 million dollar donation from the House of Saud, along with some white only snack cakes, courtesy of my Hollywood voter base, then, like my husband likes to hear said, “I’m Blowing this popsicle . . . er, stand!”


I quickly stepped back, double checked my wallet and noticed Hillary picking her nose and wiping the big Democratic Party booger under the rim of the cooler replete with yogurt parfaits and, uh, green smoothies.


ME
Who in their right mind would want to vote for you? Slob! You’re the most crooked candidate in our history and you are following the worst president in our history. Please, indulge me….


Hillary could only smile that sh**** smile and cackle like she did at the first debacle with Lester “Democratic Party Mouthpiece” Holt last week while supposedly debating Donald J. Trump. Like a viper, she coiled up, fangs exposed (albeit yellow and gritty) and dripping with saliva as Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary (HC2H - the perfect formula for corruption) spoke the truth like never before.


HILLARY
I remember you! You caught me at my lowest point . . . in a prison jumpsuit-


ME
Orange is the new black!


HILLARY
Never again. Fiend!


ME
When Trump wins, you and Bill are going to prison. Grandma Grate will be surrounded by steel bars this Christmas - not fig bars. Although, Bill might actually gladly call it a staycation - being away from you and all. Will you please answer my question?


HILLARY
Oh, yes, I’m very forgetful, phony and frail lately. Let me give it to you the Chicago way, meaning, “I’d be lying to you if I told you the truth.”


ME
I see said the Clinton rape victim...


HILLARY
Trump has the honest, hardworking, patriotic voters all wrapped up. These are both Republicans and Democrats who know I’m a fraud. That’s why my campaign dredges up mud like the Miss Universe dope who won the crown and then - ate it and everything in sight frankly -  then tried to blame it all on Trump. (Laughs)


ME
Speak for yourself, Ms. Weight Watchers. At least she admitted she was part-and-parcel to an attempted murder. (See: I'm Just a Shill, Yes I'm Only a Shill)


HILLARY
(Mutters) At least we succeed at some things, huh Vince? (Cackles) Anywho, Trump has the true Americans behind him. Those that care about our country deeply and are unselfish. They’re not Welfare Lifers looking for another free meal, cigarettes, free medz, and money for Christmas presents and cruises to Alaska, or 1%ers seeking slave labor to balloon profits for the shareholders and their own selfish, evil souls. (Smiles) That’s why I have the EBTs - Call home with an Obama phone! (Chuckles) and the 1% behind my pretty little butt-


ME
You crook. You’re ugly as sin. I’ve seen better mugs on insecticide cans, but you are a butt!


HILLARY
(Smiling, in her own world) George Soros-


ME
The ex-Nazi.


HILLARY
Democrat, Nazi, Fletcher, Feltcher, whatever  . . . I have the likes of Warren Buffett-


ME
Taxpayers don’t like him.


HILLARY
Again, what Romney dubbed the 47% is also behind me, though more like the 60% - when you look at the welfare capitals of America such as New York, Chicago-


ME
And the Golden Fleece State of California.


HILLARY
Exactly! The Glib Libs, educated and wealthy but stupid) are also part of my base of support. Honey - America’s is the new CCCP!


ME
Huh?


HILLARY
You know, America is the doppelganger of the old Soviet Union! When the Democratic Party, Barack Hussein Obama, Nancy Pelosi and The Night Stalker (Richard Ramirez Supports Hillary?)  support this evil system . . . who can go wrong? President Obama and the Democratic Party will make damn sure people like Ramirez will be able to vote for me, not to mention the 20 million illegals (Laughs) his majesty has let in since 2008. (See: Obama's Chicago-Style Voter Fraud)


ME
Uh, he’s a former prisoner and he’s dead - and illegals aren’t supposed to vote.


HILLARY
(Confused) You mean Obama?


ME
Obama, illegals, Fletcher, Feltcher-


HILLARY
Exactly!


ME
Hillary - you, Obama, the Democratic Party . . . you’re all crooks!


HILLARY
Exactly! Isn’t absolute power fun - especially when the working taxpayers like you pay for it all?


ME
Exactly….


HILLARY
I absolutely LOVE being a crook! If I can only fool the undecideds for another few weeks - I'm in tighter than one of Bill's floozy's!


Hillary grabbed her all white snack cakes and venti frap and headed for the door. Dejected, I followed Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary out the door of the Starbucks when suddenly-


BARISTA
Hey, you - crook! You didn’t pay for that!


Hillary could only do what she does best: her head bobbed like a fishing line at a trout farm, smiled like a Clinton and cackled. A flat out denial.


HILLARY
(To her smartphone)
Siri - get AG Lynch on this criminal case, too!


© 2016 Vox Populi. All laughs reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you like or hate what you read, feel free to share this with your friends and enemies. The 2016 Election is personal and as an Indie Voter . . . I support Donald J. Trump. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)

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