Thursday, December 29, 2016

The Demagogue of D.C. - Silly Stage Play Vignette (Based Upon "The Wizard of Oz")

This Sarcasm Just In...


The Demagogue of D.C. - Silly Stage Play Vignette (Based Upon 'The Wizard of Oz')

By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi | December 29, 2016 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)

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The Demagogue of D.C. is ONE in a series of farcical short political sketches based upon the classic children’s book by L. Frank Baum, The Wizard of Oz, and classic film of the same name, starring the late, great Judy Garland.


Dorothy - Donald. J. Trump
Toto - Unemployed American
Auntie Em - Newt Gingrich
Uncle Henry - Rudy Giuliani


Work Crew/Traveling Oz Crew:
Hunk/The Scarecrow - Iowa/Hawkeye
Hickory/The Tin Man - Ohio/Buckeye
Zeke/The Cowardly Lion - Pennsylvania/Nittany Lion


Miss Gulch/The Wicked Witch of the West - George “Goober Globalist” Soros

The Broom of The Wicked Witch of the West - Nancy Pelosi


Professor Marvel/The Demagogue of D.C. - President Obama


The Wicked Witch of the East - Hillary Clinton


The Good Witch of the North - Vladimir Putin


The Trumpkins - Michiganders and Wisconsinites


Flying Monkees - Zombie Protesters hired by George Soros via the Democratic Nazi Party of America



VIGNETTE I


ZOMBIE PROTESTER
(Stands alone on stage)
On Tuesday, June 16, 2015, a complex man, with a simple vision announced his candidacy for the presidency of the United States . . . and all hell broke loose, especially from the Alt Left: Goober Globalists like George Soros, his personal masseuse, the Democratic Nazi Party of America and his army of Zombie Protesters, and last but not least, his “hired help,” the DNC and the world’s biggest bungling criminal organization, the Clinton Crime Machine. (High on welfare freebies, quick realization) Hey! Wait a minute….


TRUMP TOWER IN MANHATTAN
Donald J. TRUMP and TOTO, a shih tzu/maltese mix, who’s also, for the strange purpose of this stage play, a frustrated, unemployed American, peer out the penthouse window.


TRUMP
Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary (Hc2H - the perfect formula for corruption) isn't coming yet, Toto. But, the b**** is trying to bury you like a bone, no? Not very hospitable.


TOTO
Ruff!


TRUMP
Crooked Hillary’s whacked out globalist policies are downright crooked if not treasonous: like open borders, welfare programs in place of good paying jobs with benefits, pro-illegal immigration to boost the Democratic Nazi Party of America’s base constituency - welfare lifers. Too bad she cares more about Bill’s sex scandals than the plight of the taxpayers. Come on - we'll go tell Uncle Rudy and Auntie Newt at the RNC. Let’s make like an elephant and stampede, Toto!


TOTO
Ruff!


TRUMP
(To himself)
Somebody’s gotta do something….


The heroes exeunt.


RNC HEADQUARTERS
TRUMP and TOTO excitedly approach AUNT NEWT and UNCLE RUDY bent over a desk - working on a report about economic policy issues spread out over the desktop.


TRUMP
Auntie Newt!


TRUMP picks up a page of the report, AUNTIE NEWT, deep in thought and a bit perturbed, takes it out of his hand and places it back into the pile. UNCLE RUDY looks at TRUMP and smiles with pride.


TRUMP
Auntie Newt!


AUNTIE NEWT
Eighteen, nineteen, twenty trillion dollars-


TRUMP
Look what Crooked Hillary is trying to do to unemployed Toto - and all hard working Americans for that matter!


AUNTIE NEWT
Twenty one trillion. (Concentrates even harder) Trump - please! We know and have known for some time about these criminals. That DNPA flake, a proverbial midwife to goober globalist George Soros’ half-baked concepts, is nothing more than a cathouse whore to the global elite. Haven’t you read Bathhouse John’s half-assed stage play, Mr. Soros Goes to Omaha?


TRUMP
Um. I starred in it. Anywho - I decided to fight back. I’m announcing my candidacy for the presidency of the United States.


UNCLE RUDY
We figured it was only a matter of time, Donald. Someone else’s gotta stand up to this global conspiracy . . . Putin can’t do it alone.  In the meantime, we’re trying to figure out how to fix the economy before our country goes bankrupt.


TOTO
Ruff!


TRUMP
Oh, boy, the economy is bad, huh, Toto? .


TOTO
Ruff!


TRUMP
But Auntie Newt, Crooked Hillary and her ilk are trying to bury the unemployed and the working class with massive welfare spending and cheap labor viz-a-viz massive waves of illegal immigrants - just because these hardworking people want to work and be free without an enormous liberal government telling them what to do.


TOTO
Ruff!


TRUMP
You’re right, Toto, or whether they can own a gun or not.


AUNTIE NEWT
(Holds up document)
Crooked is as crooked does. Now, Donald, go make your big announcement and Uncle Rudy and I, along with other conservatives, will figure out how to get you elected and save our country in the process.


TRUMP
But, HC2H is coming on strong. She’s even got most of the intelligence community - the spooky side - working for her.


UNCLE RUDY
(Pushes glasses up bridge of nose)
As my father used to say, “Life’s a b**** - and then you die.” You have our blessings. You just need the blessings of the people.


TRUMP
Believe me, I will!


TRUMP and TOTO exeunt.


UNCLE RUDY
(Baffled)
Twenty five trillion within the next three years? Naive reality TV star - and a political loner. Trump’s got his hands full. To use the crooked Chicago political vernacular, I hope Crooked Hillary doesn't take him on a one way ride.


AUNTIE NEWT
Yes. But, we all have to fight our own battles in life.


UNCLE RUDY
Hell, yes - look at the 1997 ethics scandal!


AUNTIE NEWT
Speak for yourself - divorce is your middle name.  


UNCLE RUDY
Right, right, right . . . a******!


AUNTIE NEWT
(Looks toward direction of TRUMP’S exit)
I just hope he’s not too late.


UNCLE RUDY
No, s***!


XEROX ROOM
Hunk/The Scarecrow - Iowa/Hawkeye
Hickory/The Tin Man - Ohio/Buckeye
Zeke/The Cowardly Lion - Pennsylvania/Nittany Lion


IOWA and OHIO - complete with a large toolbox - work on the XEROX machine which has its doors open, and guts splayed all over the floor. Both have their hands inside the contraption. PENNSYLVANIA watches from across the room.


PENNSYLVANIA
You guys are sure taking your time - as if savoring a Philly Cheese Steak sandwich.


OHIO turns on switch and the machine’s innards move as...


IOWA
(Inattentive)
Kiss my a**, brother. (Gets fingers caught in roller, screams) Owwwww - hey, let go of my finger, man!


PENNSYLVANIA
Well, why don't you get your f****** finger out of the way!


OHIO
Yeah (turns off machine) . . . dufus!


ALL THREE put Xerox machine back together. TRUMP and TOTO enter and startle PENNSYLVANIA - who trips over a Coach purse sitting on the floor.


PENNSYLVANIA
(Gets up) Damn coach! (Kicks it out of the way)


IOWA
Why don’t you people get your collective head out of your jockstrap?


OHIO
Yeah . . . dufus!


TRUMP and TOTO grow confused and irritated by the dialogue.


PENNSYLVANIA
At least you weren’t banned from bowl games for four years - not that it would have mattered much in your cases, Iowa and Ohio.


TRUMP
(Interjects)
All right, all right! Enough with the college football metaphors.


TOTO
(Scratches at TRUMP’S leg)
Ruff!


TRUMP
Pennsylvania, what am I going to do about Crooked Hillary? Just because Toto wants a good paying job with benefits?


PENNSYLVANIA
Pass auf, mein Freund! We got our own problems in the Keystone State just trying to keep our heads above water paying for the Fleece in Chief’s massive and wasteful welfare state.  


IOWA
Check it out, crop duster with the muster. You ain’t using that smart New York noggin’ of yours about the Queen of Corruption - as if you smoked one too many blunts back in the day and now are several brain cells shy of a full load.


OHIO
Queen . . . of Corruption?


PENNSYLVANIA
Duh, Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary (HC2H - the perfect-


OHIO
(Nods)
Right, right, right. Formula for corruption. My bad.


TRUMP
(As TOTO scratches at TRUMP’S leg)
I too have brains and in fact never did drugs in my life, I’m proud to say.


PENNSYLVANIA
Er, well, I’m from Philly. Hard not to enjoy a Philly Cheese Steak sans some doobage - or vice versa for that matter - so . . . can’t actually say-


OHIO
(Looks at TRUMP)
Yeah, yeah, whatever. Life isn't always candy-a** perfect for everybody, Mr. New Jack City.


IOWA
Well, Trump. Why don’t you utilize those virgin brain cells, then? Avoid the crook from Chappaqua all together. Outta sight, outta mind.


TRUMP
(As TOTO FRANTICALLY scratches at TRUMP’S leg)
I’ve already thrown my hat into the ring. Somebody’s got to stand up to the crime boss and her benefactors.


TOTO abruptly defecates on the carpet.  


TRUMP
Holy cow….


ALL
No, holy s***!


OHIO
Great - Toto s**** where he eats. A typical Democrat.

TOTO
(Bites OHIO on the ankle)
Ruff!

OHIO
(Grabs ankle)
Damn dog!

TRUMP
(Flippant)
You insulted him. Only thing worse would have been calling Hillary a dog-

PENNSYLVANIA
But - she is!

TRUMP
You've missed the metaphor and the point, here, Mr. P.


IOWA
I’ll clean it up. Kinda used to cleaning up America’s messes by now.


OHIO
Boy, Trump, our factories jobs are gone. Rusted away. Don’t let Iowa scare you about that old hag, Hillary, or her crazy, self-centered followers, the DNPA, DNC, Blue Shirts or that punk a** globalist loser, George Soros. Fact is, Crooked Hill is just an old, Chicago political moll who ain’t got no heart for anyone or anything but the almighty dollar. She’d sell her own grandkid for a flask full of political power. Come to think of it, the Bible says to love your enemies. Maybe you should do that, Trump?


TRUMP
Love - what the Honorable Louis Farrakhan calls a “wicked woman?”


TRUMP
Gee whiz. I’ll try to love her, as any New Yorker can do.


OHIO
Loving Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary is mere pie in the sky, huh?


IOWA AND PENNSYLVANIA
Yeah, no s***, Sherlock. Come on!


OHIO
(Points to Job Postings on wall)
Now look, there's something that really has a big heart: a good paying job with benefits.


TRUMP
Why?


OHIO
Look - it gives hardworking people hope, self-confidence and pride in their lives. Now, there are some people who want to live off of the sweat of the taxpayers but can you consider for even a moment what good paying jobs with benefits will mean to our country? (Pulls out smart phone and shows TRUMP Youtube video of people working) You see, Trump, it will just take someone who really cares about the people and our country, not a self-centered crook like Hillary, and stirs the s***storm!


TRUMP
I think I get it!


PENNSYLVANIA
But, there’s more to creating jobs. Americans need someone who will not let the Park Ridge Pariah bamboozle us - turn us into newfangled, low fat buffalo burgers. (Studies Fraud Hotline poster on wall) The hell with that female Nazi! Fear not, lest you be feared, er-


IOWA
Judge not, lest you be judged! Matthew 7, 1-3.


PENNSYLVANIA
Fletcher - Feltcher, whatever! Iowa tells you to use your brain, Ohio tells you to have a heart, and I’m telling you to kick a** and ask questions later! You just need to have courage.


TRUMP
I’m not afraid of her, or anything. I’ve filed corporate bankruptcy several times already.


ALL
We know!


PENNSYLVANIA
Whenever the filthy, lying, scum sucking, crooked-


ALL stare and motion PENNSYLVANIA to get to the point.


PENNSYLVANIA
(A bit butt hurt)
During the debates, whenever she accuses you of something frivolous - like filing corporate bankruptcy several times - look her in the evil eye and call her out for all of her high crimes and misdemeanors: email scandal, shady foreign donations to the Clinton Foundation, Bill’s rape scandals, her reputation as being a wicked woman-


OHIO
Try wicked witch!


IOWA
(Notes newspaper on nearby table, reads)
Trump Campaign Doomed To Failure.


TRUMP
(Falls for Mainstream Media bias)
Oh - s***! Now what?


PENNSYLVANIA
(Grabs newspaper and tosses it into nearby trash can)
Forget about the MSM! They’re nothing but liars and thieves . . . mere mouthpieces of the Alt Left. (Rattled)


TRUMP
(Stunned)
Oh, s***!


OHIO
You OK, boss?


TRUMP
(Realization)
This isn’t going to be easy.


OHIO
This ain’t going to be easy.


TRUMP
Uhh, I went to the prestigious Wharton School. We weren’t taught to speak that way.


ALL
Naturally.


IOWA
(Mutters)
Tell me about it. I attended Eastern Illinois University.


TRUMP
What’s that?


IOWA
Oh, nothing!


TRUMP
Pennsylvania - you’re scared, too?


IOWA
(To PENNSYLVANIA)
Afraid of a little old political propaganda?


OHIO
Yeah, you’re as white as Trump. Who would have thunk it?


IOWA AND PENNSYLVANIA
Let’s keep race out of this.


OHIO
It’s a figure of speech, guys. Screw the left wing P.C. culture.
AUNTIE NEWT walks in...
AUNTIE NEWT
What’s all this graba** going on here when there’s an election to be won, fellas? What do you think this is - the California governor’s office? (Mutters to himself) Brown is a big fat-


OHIO
Trump read the negative MSM headline and it deflated his step a bit after announcin’ his candidacy.


AUNTIE NEWT
(Explodes)
I don’t give a rat’s a** about anything but winning the election. America herself is on the edge of catastrophe. (Points to all) Now, get your a**** up and get busy getting Donald J. Trump elected! Am I clear?


OHIO
Crystal, Auntie Newt. But some day people will be amazed and thank us (Looks at IOWA and PENNSYLVANIA) for our contributions to this historical election.


IOWA AND PENNSYLVANIA
(Proudly nod and “high five”)
Yeah!


AUNTIE NEWT
It’s only historic if Trump - and America - win! So, don’t count your chickens before they hatch, eh, Iowa? Reach for a star when you need the moon, huh, Ohio? Eat your Philly Cheese Steak sandwich before you pay for it, right, Pennsylvania?


TRUMP
You lost me after the chicken metaphor, Auntie Newt.


ALL
Right, right, right.


AUNTIE NEWT
(Pulls jerky from pocket)
Back in Georgia, it would be almost a crime to send someone out on a job before eating some groceries. Here - enjoy some select jerky made for the RNC.


ALL
(Devour)
Yummy, Auntie.


IOWA
A bit tough - what flavor is it?


AUNTIE NEWT
Donkey.


ALL
(Hesitate)
Thanks...


IOWA
Hopefully made out of meat closer to the head than the tail.


AUNTIE NEWT
Hard to distinguish that with them there so-called Democrats. You just don’t know whether you’re talking to the head . . . or the a**.


TRUMP
Auntie Newt - do you know what Hillary Clinton was going to do to Toto?


AUNTIE NEWT
Honestly, yes. Just stop worrying about her crazy left wing ideas. You always get your panties in a ruffle over nothing.


TRUMP
That’s bull-


AUNTIE NEWT
Marla Maples?


TRUMP
Point taken.


AUNTIE NEWT
Now, get your a** together (Eyes all), all of you, and get this man elected! In spite of all odds, work that miracle. Defeat the goober globalists. America’s future depends on it.


ALL exeunt except TRUMP and TOTO.


TRUMP
(Pets TOTO)
In spite of all odds, work that miracle. (Walks toward water cooler, takes drink, crushes paper cup in hand and tosses it at trash. The cup falls recklessly onto the floor.) Is that even possible, Toto, in this media circus dominated by the radical left wing?


TOTO
(Jumps onto office chair and curls up to take a nap)
Ruff!


TRUMP
(Distraught)
Hell, Putin has been battling it for some time now. There’s obviously a way. But, it ain’t going to be easy-


TOTO
Ruff!


TRUMP
Right Toto, my bad: isn’t going to be easy. Can I just do it with a fancy yacht? A bullet train boondoggle in California? By allegedly landing on the moon? Singing in the rain - like her Hollywood Majesty, Debbie Reynolds? (See: RIP DR)


TRUMP breaks out into the song, Contraire - Workin’ That Miracle, based upon the world renowned song, Over The Rainbow, eternally sung by Debbie Reynold’s spiritual sidekick, Judy Garland. As he sings, TOTO perks up and listens… (See: Somewhere Over The Rainbow)


TRUMP
Contraire - workin’ that miracle,
Democratic policies flopped,
In America where the urbs churn,
Welfare butter to the taxpayer’s chagrine.


Contraire - workin’ that miracle,
Run down cities, illegal stew,
Crime is abound, Dems deployed,
To Soros and co, America’s their toy.


Election Day won’t be a farce,
As taxpayers rise up,
Make it count,
Show da Democratic Nazi Party,
To take a hike,
Where good paying jobs,
Not welfare lollipops,
Just investments drive us forward,
That’s America’s economic gold mine.


Contraire - workin’ that miracle,
Good paying jobs,
Create good careers with benefits,
A practice the government must try.


If given the trust of the American people,
Come November 8th,
The second Tuesday,
Indubitably . . . I must try.


LA FIN VIGNETTE I


Unless you’re an Angry Liberal Voter, Willing Welfare Lifer, 1%er, or just plain stupid, don’t be fooled by the Democratic Nazi Party of America, or their presidential selection, Barack Obama. The globalists are running scared. Yeah, well, Donald J. Trump is no angel but his worst traits are saintly compared to the DNPA’s best. If you don’t take that to the bank, the DNPA will take you to the cleaners - and along for a Chicago-style “one way ride.”


© 2016 Vox Populi. All laughs reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you like or hate what you read, feel free to share this with your friends and enemies. The 2016 Election is personal and as an Indie Voter . . . I support President-Elect Donald J. Trump. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)