Sunday, December 11, 2016

A Christmas Teleplay: President-Elect Trump’s Coming to America (Parti Deux)

This Sarcasm Just In...

A Christmas Teleplay: President-Elect Trump’s Coming to America (Parti Deux)

By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi | December 11, 2016 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)


Based upon the greatest kid’s Christmas special ever made (outside of The Little Drummer Boy), Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Rankin Bass, 1970 (See: A True Christmas Classic) which I still admire today as I watch it with my children annually.


Narrator
(Sean Hannity)

Donald J. Trump
(As Himself)

Liberal Monster
(Michael Moore)

Pro Trump Voter
(Masked Teacher)
Unemployed Americans
(Sober Town Residents)
Bilderbergs-Bergsbilder
(George Soros)

Grimey
(Hillary Clinton)

The Elves
(Employed Americans)

Republican Elves
(Pence, Sessions, Flake, Ryan, Priebus)
Tante Conway
(Kellyanne Conway)

Screenplay by Bathhouse John

Produced and directed by Bathhouse John for Vox Populi

PREVIOUS SCENE CONTINUED...

As UNEMPLOYED AMERICAN ONE and TWO, along with several others gather around the fountain and TRUMP, he breaks out into the song, “If You Give Me A Chance Today.” (See: If You Sit On My Lap Today)

TRUMP
(Hugs several UAs)
Oh, what a wonderful female worker,
Oh, what a wonderful male worker,
What a great tax pile,
When all work, live - enjoy!

If you give me a chance, today,
A full time job is the price I’ll pay.
Tell me now what you want to work for-
It’s your privilege,
Don’t you dare thank me.

If you give me a chance, today,
A full time job is the price I’ll pay.
If you give me a chance, see-
Don’t be silly, it’s got full time benies.

So whenever you start the first day,
(So whenever you start the first day),
You can start thinkin’ of that Cadillac,
(You can start thinkin’ of that Cadillac),
The ocean, lake, park, or church,
(The ocean, lake, park, or church),
Is just a hop, skip and a jump, Mack!

(UAs dance around happily)

So, take a hop, skip and a jump,
(So, take a hop, skip and a jump),
Pretty soon you’re thinkin’ house,
(Pretty soon you’re thinkin’ house),
(UAs hug and kiss Trump)
Maybe even just a condo or mobile home,
(Maybe even just a condo or mobile home),
Don’t you wanna cash that first check?
(Don’t you wanna cash that first check?)

If you give Trump a chance, today,
A full time job is the price he’ll pay.
If you give him a chance, see-
Don’t be silly, it’s got full time benies.

If you give me a chance, today,
A full time job is the price I’ll pay!

EXT. SOBER TOWN STREET
BILDERBERGS-BERGSBILDER is carried on a rickshaw with GRIMEY at a beckon call, and several UAs are happily working full time jobs - with benefits.

BILDERBERGS-BERGSBILDER
(Dimwitted)
The perfect globalist economy: everybody’s fully employed. (Complete realization like when HC2H lost the election) Homina, homina - fully employed! (Jumps off rickshaw and reinjures his broken leg, wincing in pain) Halt! You are violating DNPA policy! You working taxpayers are in for a real beating. Grimey - be sure to take away their homes, cars and any social welfare benefits like Social Security that they paid for and give it to the Willing Welfare Class - and illegals.

TRUMP
(Carrying sack, runs up to B-B, followed by COPPER, looks down at B-B who’s wincing in pain)
Don’t hassle those workers! It’s my duty to America. I gave them those full time jobs.

BILDERBERGS-BERGSBILDER
(Quickly pops some percocets)
A conservative trouble maker! You apparently want nothing but self-discipline and pride to reign in this town. Let me tell you-

TRUMP
Me - a trouble maker?

BILDERBERGS-BERGSBILDER
Set this man up immediately! Call out the Blue Shirts thugs! Alert the Mainstream Media - especially our friends at Disney!

TRUMP
(Reaches into sack, removes job posting, hands it to B-B)
For you - a real job.

BILDERBERGS-BERGSBILDER
(Flabbergasted)
A real job? One where I actually earn my keep and not sponge off of the taxpayers like the Obamas or Clintons? I’d love one! In fact, when I was still in Hungary-

GRIMEY
Sire - you just ate moments ago.

BILDERBERGS-BERGSBILDER
(Happily folds job posting, unfolds, and folds it again)
I dreamed of private sector, full time employment with benefits.

GRIMEY
(Embarrassed)
Sire, uh, you’re violating your own silly theories on economics.

BILDERBERGS-BERGSBILDER
(Volcanic anger, eyes TRUMP)
You are trying to trick me into thinking hard work and stamina actually create the best economic opportunities for people as opposed to massive welfare spending? I’ve been “Horatio Algered.” Seize his job postings!

TRUMP hands GRIMEY a subpoena and she hesitates. He steps on B-B’s injured leg and flees with COPPER in tow. Trump jumps on a coal pile-

BILDERBERGS-BERGSBILDER
Look! He knows the energy industry!

TRUMP jumps on bank building-

BILDERBERGS-BERGSBILDER
He understands monetary and fiscal policy!

TRUMP slides down TV antenna-

BILDERBERGS-BERGSBILDER
He has a rock solid reputation - the mainstream media can’t even tear him down!

EXT. DOWNTOWN NYC - DAY

As TRUMP and COPPER trudge through the deep snow, they again reach the center of Liberal Red Tape Mountain, AKA New York City, teeming with crazy liberals and the most feared monster of all . . . the MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER, or M3.

TRUMP
(Only slightly winded)
OK, Copper. Let’s chill under this old, two hundred year old Democratic Party Slavery Tree, here.

COPPER
Bark! Bark! Bark!

TRUMP
(Sits under tree)
Copper - it’s a figure of speech and means, let’s see, “Let’s eat some Arctic cod and go for a swim.”

COPPER
Bark! Bark! Bark!

TRUMP
No, no, no, Copper. Not here. Believe me, when we get a chance we will.

COPPER
Bark! Bark! Bark!

TRUMP
I’m not sure why the writer called the tree a “Democratic Party Slavery Tree,” Copper. I guess it just has to - for the sake of this special Christmas teleplay.

Both rest under the tree when...

COPPER
(Notices sign planted in trash soiled snow bank)
Bark! Bark! Bark!

TRUMP
(Perturbed)
Great! (Reads sign) “How dare you have non-liberal ideas - like good paying jobs with good benefits - in America’s large liberal urban areas. Only left wing nut jobs are accepted by Angry Liberal Voters . . . and the Michael Moore Monster.” Copper - I feel a plot point coming on right about-

SUDDENLY - the Democratic Party Slavery Tree grabs the hero and his cute sidekick and enslaves them. AND . . . FLASH! The MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER magically appears in the airwaves!

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
(Obviously gained a lot of weight since his earlier appearance in this God-Forsaken teleplay)
Donald J. Trump (tries to fold arms along extremely plump belly) I have just about enough of your independent, economically prudent, spiritually succulent ways. Now I’ve trapped you in the deadly web of the Democratic Nazi Party of America. (Laughs evilly, again)

TRUMP
Excuse me, Mr. M3. Before you try to steal anything from my sack of job postings, I have a special gift for you. Have your inanimate Blue Shirt leave us be; you won’t regret it, see?

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
(Nibbles on finger, to himself)
Lunch time, again? (To TRUMP) What d’ ya mean - are you offering me (Screams) A JOB!

TRUMP
Oh, no, no, Mr. M3. I have something even better. Can I call you, Michael?

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
(Pokes TRUMP in the chest)
That’s Mr. F****** Michael Moore Monster to you, Trump!

TRUMP
Rrright.

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
Democratic Party Slavery Tree (Resigned) . . . Let Trump and Copper go.

TRUMP
(Rummages through sack, hands M3 job posting)
Here!

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
(Reads with curiosity - that quickly kills)
You’re offering me, a flim flam maker, a position as a community activist at a non-profit? That’s degrading!

TRUMP
(Embarrassed)
Oh, of course not. (Rummages through sack, hands M3 another job posting) That’ll do it.

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
(Tosses old posting on ground and grabs new posting from TRUMP)
You’re offering me a full time position in the Department of Agriculture - as a food inspector (Continues reading) . . . with paid vacation and sick days?

TRUMP
Naturally!

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
But no one has ever given me a full time position anywhere; that’s why I’m a filmmaker.

TRUMP
I know - I often wondered why anyone other than Hollywood would want to hire you.

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
What do I look like, a trained penguin?

COPPER
BARK! BARK! BARK!

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
What the hell did that pig say?

TRUMP
(Gratified)
As I was saying . . . (To himself, shakes head) filmmaker . . . clearly Copper’s a penguin, Michael. Your statement is a micro-aggression and a violation of P.C. culture, a Dem-inspired ruse. You could be labeled a racist, a misogynist, since we don’t know the sex of the animal, and so on and so forth. Besides, you don’t want to know. He used to run with a street gang of club-wielding seals down “in the hood.” Copper can be edgy.

COPPER bites MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER in the ass and then urinates on the Democratic Party Slavery Tree.

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
Whoa, Copper! Be careful there with my left wing friends.

TRUMP
Told you.

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
Ah, don’t let the Democrats frighten you. Their rhetoric is weaker than their facts.

TRUMP
I should think so. I mean, the Dems are the party of slavery and segregation.

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
(Oblivious, laughs)
Their rhetoric is weaker than their facts. (Refocuses) A full time position in the Department of Agriculture - as a food inspector with paid vacation and sick days? (Cuddles job posting) There really is a God! (Tearful) A full time job . . . I’ve always wanted one.

INSTANTANEOUSLY, MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER loses a bunch of liberal, left wing body fat and is now a skinny, forthright human being.

TRUMP
(Shocked)
What just happened? You’re not a descendant of Marie Laveau? (See: The Witch Queen Of New Orleans and See: Marie Laveau)

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
No, no, no. My left wing, albeit nutty, radical philosophies have just disappeared from my formerly corpulent body, my formerly feckless soul.

TRUMP
But, Michael-

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
Bitte schoen, call me Michael.

TRUMP and COPPER both roll their eyes.

TRUMP
(To COPPER)
Filmmakers…

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
Instantaneously, my entire corny philosophical positions seem exactly that and now, I can finally call myself a conservative.

TRUMP
(Claps)
Awesome!

COPPER
(Claps)
Bark!

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
However - I meet with the left wing media next week at Hillary Clinton’s house in Chappaqua, New York-

HANNITY (VO)
Viewers, the fact that Hillary is “co-starring” in this magnanimous teleplay and is also mentioned as a third party seems, well confusing. Your plot point concerns are duly noted.

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
And, that being said, it really is hard for an angry liberal voter like myself to change and become a conservative; to evolve from bad to good.

TRUMP
Hard? (Laughs) Not really. You just have to want to do the right thing. It’s merely crazy and paisley.

TRUMP breaks out into the song, “Cash One Hard Earned Check After Another” (See: Cash One Hard Earned... - Start at .20) as COPPER does a special dance.

TRUMP
Cash one hard earned check after another,
And woo, hoo, you’ll be earning quite a score,
Cash one hard earned check after another,
And woo, hoo, you’ll be earning quite a score!

Jobs don’t just come tied with a ribbon,
Nope - you’ll have to go after the beast,
I sense prosperity just around the corner,
A job seeking person will certainly have smelly feet.

Cash one hard earned check after another,
And woo, hoo, you’ll be earning quite a score,
Cash one hard earned check after another,
And woo, hoo, you’ll be earning quite a score!

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
Given the chance, can I commit to such a fate accompli?
You know it’s hard for me cause I’m normally such a bore-

TRUMP
(Interjects)
Yes, you are!

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
Don’t tell me, is it really just an inflection,

TRUMP
Believe me!

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
Of good over evil - sans a gun!

HANNITY (VO)
(Holds up signing stating, “PC Disclaimer”)
Liberal readers - please don’t be offended by the use of a word - any word - that even tangentially refers to a firearm, gun, weapon, etc. which shoots projectiles viz-a-viz gunpowder. Vox Populi wants you to keep reading….

During this dance scene while the chorus blares, HANNITY mystically arrives and joins TRUMP, COPPER and MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER in a good old American square dance.

THEN, while the chorus blares and they all sing along, TRUMP, COPPER and HANNITY show MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER how to cash a hard earned check. As the scene ends, the four march down Madison Avenue with several HOMELESS PEOPLE following them and asking for some spare change.  

EXT. CENTRAL PARK - DAY

TRUMP, COPPER and MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER sip a Starbucks near a lighted Republican Party Freedom Tree.

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
My God, it’s true, I don’t have to just be powder blue,
When in fact the flag flies red, white and real blue. (Ponders) You know, I think we can help one another. I can promise not to incite riots and spread hate speech against our president, and you can promise to bring me a top notch job posting.

TRUMP
Michael, Michael, Michael, the Department of Agriculture job is permanent.

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
Right, right, right . . . then I can teach you left wing, Saul Alinsky-esque, strategies and tactics.

TRUMP
(Chokes on latte)
Thanks (Coughs) any- (Coughs) ways (Vomits), Michael.

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
I lied to you, earlier. I AM related to The Witch Queen of New Orleans . . . Marie Laveau.

TRUMP
Come, again?

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
(Smiles and nods)
You know….

TRUMP
(Flabbergasted)
Oh, oh, oh, it’s magic. Cool!

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
(Pulls out styrofoam cup attached to a long string, offers it to TRUMP)
Listen!

TRUMP
(Puts cup to ear)
Trump!

PRO TRUMP VOTER approaches with handheld ballroom mask, clutching resumes, speaking into cup…

PRO TRUMP VOTER
Trump!

TRUMP
Pro Trump Voter?

MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER
Go campaign her, young . . . skinny man.

TRUMP jumps unexpectedly in front of PRO TRUMP VOTER.

TRUMP
Good afternoon!

PRO TRUMP VOTER
(Startled)
I didn’t think I’d ever see you in such a low income area. (Hands TRUMP resumes) Here - the unemployed Americans want more jobs. Bilderberg-Bergsbilder phased out the ones you created with heavy regulations and a crippling fifteen dollar per hour minimum wage law.

TRUMP
Go back and inform the job seekers that there’ll be plenty of jobs for those who want to work . . . but only if they vote conservative: no drooling over EBT cards, advocating free phones, or rights and freebies for illegal aliens. Oh, well, we’ll work those kinks out eventually. In the meantime, tell the unemployed Americans that I have ways of knowing everything pertinent to-

PRO TRUMP VOTER
Well, duh! You are a self-made man!

TRUMP
The economy. My homie, the Michael Moore Monster, has also shown me ways, albeit somewhat troublesome, to “handle situations.” Communication is the key! I know what they need: full time jobs, full benefits, safety and security for their families.

PRO TRUMP VOTER
My Lord - You know that for sure?

TRUMP
Believe me, I know everything. So, tell the voters to keep the faith. Things can only get better. (See: Howard Jones)

PRO TRUMP VOTER
God Bless you, Trump!

TRUMP
For what, Pro Trump Voter?

PRO TRUMP VOTER
For being so hopeful and helpful . . . for just being the crazy, Manhattan real estate mogul - you!

They fist bump.

TRUMP
(Excited)
Well, Jiminy Cricket! (Ponders) Now - the job postings. I need to get them to the unemployed but the Bilderberg-Bergsbilder will not allow his constituency to work . . . for fear they’ll develop an independent streak and vote conservative. What to do to defeat the evil, job-killing Democrats? I’ll have to make some phone calls and behind the scenes deals to make this right for the American worker.

INT. RNC HEADQUARTERS, NYC - NIGHT

TRUMP works the phone late into the night along with TANTE CONWAY and all of the REPUBLICAN ELVES.

HANNITY (VO)
Anywho, Trump went right to work, sleeping very little, trying to create so many jobs that it will cause a mass movement of conscientious people stepping forward to fill these jobs - in spite of the threat of losing the massive welfare programs of the Dems, and the resulting shame and ridicule that goes with being gainfully employed in the largely urban DNPA strongholds. Trump’s vision was so compelling that he even won over the Michael Moore Monster, a former leader of the Angry Liberal Voters, and, seeing the error of his ways, M3 moved into the RNC Headquarters in New York City, East 83rd Street, 10028. After filling his sack with a plethora of job postings, Trump and Copper made there way back to Sober Town . . . late in the night.

EXT. SOBER TOWN - NIGHT

TRUMP and COPPER walk the quiet streets. With every unopened door, TRUMP and COPPER enter and place job postings on the kitchen tables.

CUT TO-

EXT. SOBER TOWN - DAY

UNEMPLOYED WORKERS are busy working, or applying for new jobs. The energy is amazing. America seems “great again.” EXCEPT…

BILDERBERG-BERGSBILDER
(If farce could quickly kill)
This is Ronald Reagan conservative, “insane in the brain” (See: Yo, Homie - Cypress Hill!), unacceptable! Jobs! Jobs - in every sector, every nook and cranny of the economy! What kind of capitalist job creator is this Trump . . . making behind the scenes deals, Lord Knows late night phone calls, jumping over one hurdle after another to generate good paying jobs for deserving Americans! (Angrier than even the MICHAEL MOORE MONSTER used to be) I decree, here and now, total war on the Republican Party, working taxpayers and this capitalist criminal, this savior to America (So P.O.’d has to spit out words): Trump!

HANNITY
(Resolved)
Trump’s positivity spread like an STD on Bill Clinton’s appendages. More and more unemployed Americans sent word that they wanted to work and not just get freebies from the government. Trump’s positivity and the resultant positive spread of this positivity led him to work even harder to help bake the American economic pie with its most obvious secret ingredient: good paying jobs with benefits.

EXT. SOBER TOWN - NIGHT

TRUMP and COPPER attempt to enter homes which are all locked. They approach one home and look in the bedroom window.

HANNITY
Trump was not discouraged. He had to get a good job to a sick-at-heart millennial, Suzy Q Voter. She specifically asked Trump for a job - as a nurse.

COPPER
Bark! Bark! Bark!

TRUMP
(Annoyed)
No, Copper! It’s not creepy to peak in Suzy Q’s window. That’s not my M.O. (To himself) Her house is locked up tighter than the wallets at a Democratic fundraiser. How the heck do I get this job posting to her?

COPPER
(Spots telephone wire)
Bark! Bark! Bark!

TRUMP
(Motions)
Shut the hell up! You’ll get us busted!

COPPER
Bark! Bark! Bark!

TRUMP
You have a plan to get Suzy Q the job posting without going in her home?

COPPER
Bark! Bark! Bark!

TRUMP
Break in?

COPPER
Bark! Bark! Bark!

TRUMP
Set off the smoke alarms?

COPPER
Bark! Bark! Bark!

TRUMP
Call 911?

COPPER
Bark! Bark! Bark!

TRUMP
An email! Send the recipients an email? You’re a genius, Copper!

CLOSE UP of TRUMP pushing “SEND” on his computer as he and COPPER sit at a desk and send job postings via email.

HANNITY
Now you know why job searches are technologically tricky today. You can no longer just show up at a potential employer replete with resume and application. But, if drafted properly, with a fancy cover letter, very effective.

INT. TOWN HALL, SOBER TOWN - DAWN

BILDERBERG-BERGSBILDER examines hundreds of job postings through an eavesdropping NSA server, courtesy of the DNPA and their benefactor, the CIA.   

BILDERBERG-BERGSBILDER
(Beyond angry)
All homes will be searched and any evidence of job postings or people working will result in the traditional threat of losing the massive welfare programs of the Dems, resulting shame and ridicule that goes with being gainfully employed in the largely urban DNPA strongholds; and throw in severe tax penalties and even ubiquitous Blue Shirt Rallies using Zombie Protesters. (See: Zombie Protesters)

GRIMEY
This is all fine and good, sire, but the Michael Moore Monster no longer works for us!

END PARTI DEUX


Unless you’re an Angry Liberal Voter, Willing Welfare Lifer, 1%er, or just plain stupid, don’t be fooled by the Democratic Nazi Party of America, or their presidential selection, Barack Obama. The globalists are running scared. Yeah, well, Donald J. Trump is no angel but his worst traits are saintly compared to the DNPA’s best. If you don’t take that to the bank, the DNPA will take you to the cleaners - and along for a Chicago-style “one way ride.”


© 2016 Vox Populi. All laughs reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you like or hate what you read, feel free to share this with your friends and enemies. The 2016 Election is personal and as an Indie Voter . . . I support President-Elect Donald J. Trump. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)

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