Monday, November 21, 2016

Liberalism: The Musical (Another Inane Story Put to Bipartisan Sound)

This Sarcasm Just In...

Liberalism: The Musical (Another Inane Story Put to Bipartisan Sound)

By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi | November 21, 2016 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)

“It makes no difference what you want me to say. I’m not here so you can like me . . . I’m here to tell the truth. I have to obey God before I depend on what you’re going to think about me.” (Pastor Carl Brown, Frances & Friends, Wednesday, November 16, 2016)


In light of the fact that the musical, Hamilton, created such a s***storm when a dubious cast member attacked Vice President-Elect, Mike Pence, at a public showing recently (See: Who's Zoomin' Who?), in honor of such a silly show, Vox Populi’s, Bathhouse John, has written his musical version of Lin-Manuel Miranda’s intentional morass of racial turpitude and fantasy steeped in implied justice and hardcore liberalism; whatever that means.


CHARACTERS

Lin-Manuel MIRANDA (Playwright, Left Wing Radical)

BATHHOUSE JOHN (Voice of Reason, Independent Voter)

WAITRESS (Working Taxpayer)

RIOTERS (Democratic Party paid “Blue Shirts”)

George SOROS (Cracked and Greedy Billionaire, Goober of the Globalists)

OFFICIAL (Mexican Consulate)


...INDITAS…

ACT I

Christmas Eve in the City of San Bernardino, East Baseline Road between North Arrowhead Avenue and North Mountain View Avenue. An anomalous snow blankets the ground and falls in great flakes; clouds are abound. MIRANDA and BATHHOUSE JOHN are dressed in winter attire and walk west trying to hold a respectful conversation. SOROS appears later and is dressed in a tee shirt, shorts and flip flops.

BATHHOUSE JOHN
(Shivers)
This liberal winter hitting America after Trump’s election is frigid. Protests are like chic nowadays no thanks to the Democratic Nazi Party of America and their leader, George Soros . . . though they do fuel the underground economy.

MIRANDA
(Flippantly)
As President Obama says, talk less, and shake the foundation more. Your White leader is trying to take away our insurance policy for that rainy day down the road: illegal immigrants.

Both stop in front of a Mexican Restaurant and break out into the song, “Illegal Immigration (The Dems Insurance Policy)” sung to the melody, “Long Twin Silver Line” by Bob Seger. (See: Long Twin Silver Line)

BATHHOUSE JOHN
Yeah, the coyotes keep on movin’
Movin’ ‘em across the Grande
Boy the numbers sure scare me - hell
Not sure there ever goin’ back

MIRANDA
These coyotes sure take ‘em far
Yep, yep, sure ain’t goin’ back
The illegals are as happy as larks
Financial freedom’s a local perk

Illegal immigration
Illegal immigration
The Dems insurance policy

Illegal immigration
Illegal immigration
The Dems insurance policy

The two thespians are interrupted in this Oscar and Hammerstein musical by the sound of a wino vomiting. The two stop and watch as the goo smothers the ground while standing in front of a transmission shop in operation; the entire scenario (the vomit and the transmission shop) reminds MIRANDA of something…

MIRANDA
(SMILES)
The Democrats cannot lose the election because the people, my type of people, will always need someone to pay for their care.

BATHHOUSE JOHN
(Disgusted)
You mean the Democratic Nazi Party of America cannot lose the election because of high cost programs your peops don’t have to pay for.  

Both break out into the song, “Obamacare (Ob, Ob, Ob)” sung to the melody, “Magic” by Pilot. (See: Magic)

MIRANDA
Ob-, Ob-, Ob-
It’s Obamacare
May you always go
To the doctor’s - pro bo
You’ll never pay, you're poor
Ob-, Ob-, Ob-
It’s Obamacare


BATHHOUSE JOHN
Always have to pay
Never given anything
Paying the premiums monthly
By cash - in, by check - in
By payroll deductions . . . up the a**
Bill Clinton even said, “It’s the craziest thing…”

The two segue into a duo song and dance routine singing, “Higher Taxes (It Ain’t My Problem)” sung to the melody, “Tax Man” by The Beatles. (See: Taxman)

BOTH
Come here skivvy
Here’s the big deal
I get the freebies
You pay the bill

“Higher Taxes (It Ain’t My Problem)”

If your not happy
Don’t come cryin’ to me
Obama’s welfare state
Makes every taxpay'r a slave

“Higher Taxes (It Ain’t My Problem)”

MIRANDA and BATHHOUSE JOHN approach an Italian restaurant as a black Chihuahua darts across the street and causes a near collision. Both enter the restaurant, and take a seat.

WAITRESS delivers two glasses of champagne to the table, which changes the scope of the dialogue and leads to rhymes, takes their orders and exits...


BATHHOUSE JOHN
(Reads menu)
I’ll get the chick-

MIRANDA
(Interjects)
I’ll get the bee-

BATHHOUSE JOHN
(Interjects)
You’ll get nothing but sore and smelly feet stumping for her. I have fought far and wide to be one of Donald J. Trump’s aide-de-camps in this election.

MIRANDA
Hillary will triumph! This I guarantee to-

BATHHOUSE JOHN
She won’t even admit to radical Islamic terrorists.

The two break out into the song, “Out of Sight - Out of Mind/On My Mind (Radical Islamic Terrorists)” sung to the melody, “Out of Touch” by Hall and Oates. (See: Out Of Touch)

MIRANDA
Terrorist - is all you crow
Can’t trust the mother, sister or Khom
Try to connect to Russia’s embassy
Politics is power - mixed all in with champagne

BATHHOUSE JOHN
Que sera sera - I assume
Offer 40 virgins and they’ll never not come
Obama’s crazy generous
Safety ain’t no concern bro
BO blows

MIRANDA
(Toasts)
Out of sight - out of mind (Radical Islamic Terrorists)!

BATHHOUSE JOHN
(Toasts)
Out of sight - on my mind (Radical Islamic Terrorists)!

BOTH
Can’t trust the opp (3x)

The noise of the busy restaurant breaks the inaction.

MIRANDA
(Studies glass up close, s**** grin)
Ever since meeting Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, viz-a-viz my Broadway smash, Hamilton - I’ve been smitten and cannot forget them.

WAITRESS delivers food and exits. BATHHOUSE JOHN eats quietly as the lights dim and MIRANDA breaks out into the song,“My Obama (Does It Good)” sung to the melody, “My Love” by Paul McCartney. (See: My Love)

MIRANDA
(Studies glass as he sings)
Oh, you are both debonair
And I have to say, my pols are crystal clear
No doubt, liberalism flush and flutter
My Obama (does it good)

Obamacare, Obama phones
My Obama (does it good)

MIRANDA eats quietly as the lights brighten and BATHHOUSE JOHN breaks out into the song,“Hillary’s Cracked” sung to the melody, “Bad Blood” by Neil Sedaka. (See: Bad Blood)

BATHHOUSE JOHN
Libs stuck it to me, it frankly was really cruel
The prez stuffed a bunch of s*** down all our tubes
He promised us hope ‘n change but gave us the mange
Hillary’s now on deck and ready to wreck the whole damn thang

Hillary’s (Hillary’s) cracked (cracked)
Queenie’s no bonafide
Lies, cheats and steals
Makes you wanna cry

The WAITRESS returns with the check…

MIRANDA
I’m not paying for this mush. Besides, it runs counter to my fiber and we Dems like to fuss.

BATHHOUSE JOHN
I figured as much so I brought my checkbook.

WAITRESS
Sorry, Mr. Working ‘Round the Clock, but we absolutely cannot accept that for fear you’re a crook.  

BATHHOUSE JOHN
(Pulls out credit card)
Naturally…

After paying the bill, and as MIRANDA holds carryout, the two thespians exit…

MIRANDA
(SHOUTS)
Trump won! It’s done.

MIRANDA exits first, slamming the door in BATHHOUSE JOHN’S face, as half the patrons cry and half shout with joy.

Outside again, the snow has stopped and the sun shines bright. However, RIOTERS, Democratic Party paid “Blue Shirts” form on the street making MIRANDA happy and BATHHOUSE JOHN nervous as the two walk west.


ACT II

Outside a pawn shop, MIRANDA stops abruptly and faces BATHHOUSE JOHN. He recklessly tosses the carryout onto the ground where the Chihuahua seen earlier, consumes it.

MIRANDA
I have a confession to make. I have been having a menage a trois with the DNPA and George Soros.

BATHHOUSE JOHN
(Shocked)
Eww! Literally?

MIRANDA
(Resigned)
No! Figuratively! (Drops head in shame) But it’s just as bad.

BATHHOUSE JOHN
No s***!

BATHHOUSE JOHN breaks out into the song,“I’m A Clown With George Soros” sung to the melody, “Open Sesame” by Kool and the Gang. (See: Open Sesame)

BATHHOUSE JOHN
Big oaf, Soros!

I’m a clown with George Soros
The crabs!

Chlamydia mit dem Soros
Goats even seem to run afar
Whenever he’s around-

MIRANDA
All right. Enough! This broadway ditty isn’t working.

SUDDENLY . . . George SOROS appears from behind a flower shop dressed like an off-kilter Californian (as described above).

SOROS
Gentleman: you blame me when in fact you should blame each other. Why bother an old billion dollar man, who’s neither hither nor tither, and in the scheme of things, but a sliver? (To himself) America will die quicker than a shrew with a bad ticker. (laughs deviously)

MIRANDA
(Angry)
He’s right! Look around. BATHHOUSE JOHN, you’re but a fiend.

RIOTERS attack motorists, destroy property and burn down buildings.

BATHHOUSE JOHN
Alles klar, Herr Kommissar, if you but say it’s true by far?

SOROS
(Holds out weapons)
Go at it. Choose your weapon.

MIRANDA quickly grabs a Tax Bill, sharp and deadly if you pay for it. BATHHOUSE JOHN is left with a Certificate of Responsibility sharp and deadly if you don’t abide by it. The duo take ten paces, turn and slice each other. They both injure themselves seriously with deep, deep cuts. SOROS sees they’re both weak and moves in for the kill. RIOTERS gather round.

SOROS breaks out into the Globalism Medley:

“Santa Soros” sung to the melody, “Santa Baby” by Madonna (See: Santa Baby);

SOROS
Santa Soros, give me a ten dollar gig for free
Riotin’ a lot over America is easy
Santa Soros, push for social welfare a lot.

“Welfare Sucked the Tax Money Dry” sung to the melody, “Video Killed The Radio Star” by The Buggles (See: Video Killed...);

SOROS
Half the damn country’s now on frickin’ EBT
Waitin’ for the next Obama honey sweet freebie
I’m too old to fight the mucking fees
Mr. Soros-

You are such a really greedy seed
Takin’ control of our vast economy
No doubt you’re makin’ tons of money - you thief

I know Obama’s your puppet
When will this all end? (2x)

Welfare sucked the tax money dry
Welfare sucked the tax money dry

“Liberals Versus Independents” sung to the melody, “Tonight” (Reprise) by Bernstein and Sondheim. This includes a varied, albeit short, dance number and a muddled soundtrack coupled with the lyrics . . . admittedly. (See: Tonight - Syncs at 2:17)

SOROS
(As the liberal)
Freebies are not going away,
Go fly a kite!
Obamacare’s not going gray
Right!
Working taxpayers humbly
Ask for relief
They’re payin’ the bills
They’re the shills!

SOROS
(As the independent)
Working taxpayers ‘re slapping ‘em
down!
Tired of the burden payin’ for these
clowns!
We beg for mercy but no more
curtsies
Whether the libs agree or not
Obamacare’s gone and so much
more!

While SOROS proudly admires himself, deus ex machina occurs as an OFFICIAL from the Mexican Consulate approaches MIRANDA and BATHHOUSE JOHN, hands them both a shot of tequila, whispers in their ears, distributes a plethora of tequila bottles to the RIOTERS, then whispers in the ears of the RIOTERS and points to SOROS. As the Theme From Jaws (See: Theme From Jaws) erupts cryptically, MIRANDA, BATHHOUSE JOHN and the RIOTERS realize the globalist scheme, and figuratively tear Soros limb from limb as a nearby Clock Tower strikes midnight (See: Big Ben Strikes Midnight) - the sign it’s Christmas Day.


...VEGE...


Unless you’re a Willing Welfare Lifer, 1%er, or just plain stupid, don’t be fooled by the Democratic Nazi Party of America, or their presidential selection, Barack Obama. The globalists are running scared. Yeah, well, Donald J. Trump is no angel but his worst traits are saintly compared to the DNPA’s best. If you don’t take that to the bank, the DNPA will take you to the cleaners - and along for a Chicago-style “one way ride.”


© 2016 Vox Populi. All laughs reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you like or hate what you read, feel free to share this with your friends and enemies. The 2016 Election is personal and as an Indie Voter . . . I support President-Elect Donald J. Trump. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)