Friday, March 24, 2017

Escape From the Democratic Nazi Party of America (Partie Un)



This Sarcasm Just In...


Escape From the Democratic Nazi Party of America


By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi | March 24, 2017 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)


This crazy and short stage play/screenplay mish mash is based upon the classic film John Carpenter's, Escape From New York and the highly creative Chris .R. Notarile's, Escape From New Jersey.


STARRING
Donald J Trump . . . as our hero, Snake Plissken
Barney the Purple Dinosaur . . . as Himself
Sean Hannity . . . as Himself
Dora the Explorer . . . as Herself
The Map . . . as Itself
Vladimir Putin . . . as Himself


TRYING TO TAKE TAXPAYERS ALONG FOR A ONE-WAY RIDE
Stephen Breyer (Supreme Court Justice) . . . as Himself
Chuck “Schemer” Schumer . . . as his Normal Loser Self
Michael Moore . . . as The Hamburglar


George Soros . . . as Himself (Scumbag Globalist)
Nancy Pelosi . . . as The Broom


EXTRA SPECIAL GUEST STARS (A Cacophony of Confusion)
Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary (HC2H - the perfect formula for corruption) . . . as The Wicked Witch of the East
Brian Frosh (MD Attorney General; "Stupid is as Stupid Does") . . . as Proverbial Prison Rapist #1
Victor Ramirez (MD DNPA Senator; "Stupid is as Stupid Does")) . . . as Proverbial Prison Rapist #2
Bill Clinton . . . as Proverbial Prison Gang Rape Victim (Karma)


BEGIN PARTIE UN


EST. DEMOCRATIC NAZI PARTY OF AMERICA HQ - DAY
As crazy music plays (Who needs Viagra?)-


CREDIT CRAWL:
Vox Populi and Bathhouse John Present…


Our hero, a wounded and limping SNAKE Plissken, “dressed to the nines” and sporting his “Make America Great Again” eye patch, walks along the 400 block of S Capitol Street SE, Washington, D.C., 20003. He throws an FBI FISA order onto the already filthy D.C. street.


BARNEY THE PURPLE DINOSAUR approaches clutching a coat in his fake velvet claws and lovingly covers SNAKE with same.


BARNEY THE PURPLE DINOSAUR
(Dances around, giggles)
Sharing is caring!


As SNAKE walks away towards his destiny, he begrudgingly, defiantly walks under the Nazi flag flying in front of DNPA building. In the background, we see BARNEY THE PURPLE DINOSAUR get shot in a bloody drive-by.


INT. LIMO - DAY
SNAKE sleeps in a stretch limo.


EXT. LIMO - DAY
SNAKE steps out of the limo - onto several WELFARE LIFERS who cry out in discomfort - and into the “D.C. Swamp” in front of the capitol building.


MOMENTS LATER...


SNAKE makes his way to the steps of the SCOTUS when suddenly BREYER (What 2nd Amendment?) jumps out from behind Lady Justice and points an assault rifle at SNAKE.


BREYER
(Smiles hypocritically, points damnable weapon)
Reach for the sky, one eye!


HANNITY
(Holds up sign stating, “PC Disclaimer”)
Liberal readers - please don’t be offended by the use of a word - any word - that even tangentially refers to a firearm, gun, weapon, etc. which shoots projectiles viz-a-viz gunpowder. BTW: no macro-, micro- or even theoretical aggression is intended by the slamming of people who wear eye patches. Vox Populi wants you to keep reading….


SNAKE
(Calm, cool, collected)
Nice piece of hardware.


BREYER
(Giddy, places gun near SNAKE’S head)
Top of the line, motherf*****! Black market.


SNAKE
Black market, huh? That’s a racist statement in your world, isn’t it?


BREYER
(Dimwitted)
Now reach for the sky and give me that God d*** FISA warrant! (To himself) I should have read it when Obama asked me to . . . last time we smoked a cigarette while shootin’ hoops.


SNAKE
Too late, but I’ll take the gun.


BREYER
(Laughs, pulls trigger several times, nothing happens, shocked)
Uh-


SNAKE
(Grabs gun, examines it)
You need to take the safety off if you want it to work, a**h***!


BREYER
(Backs up in fear - rightfully so - puts up skinny arms and small fingers)
Yo, man. It’s cool. I’m sorry! Didn’t know it was you.


As SNAKE takes careful aim…


BREYER
I’m f****** sorry!


SNAKE gingerly shoots BREYER in foot.


BREYER
(Falls to ground, cries)
Oh, f***! God d*** it!


SNAKE
(Walks away)
Next time read the FISA warrants!


INT. PC’S BAR - DAY
A watering hole for the DNPA and its Sonder Kommando. Pictures of notorious Dems (e.g. Madonna, Pablo Escobar and The Swamp Thing) cover the walls like the herpes virus on an adult film star. SNAKE, a reptile out of water, enters looking to make deals but also a**** to kick.  He sits on a stool. Chuck SCHEMER tends bar.


SCHEMER
(Shi***, dishonest grin)
What’s your poison?


SNAKE
White Whiskey.


SCHEMER
(Slams down a glass, begins to pour from milk bottle)
Should of known.


SNAKE
(Motions with hand)
Leave the bottle.


SCHEMER
(Follows suit)
Sounds like a conservative.
SNAKE
(Grabs milk bottle and guzzles some)


DORA the Explore, a waitress in this mindless muttering of a rhetorical soiree, approaches.


DORA
Can I get you something from the kitchen, stranger?


SNAKE
I got all that I need right here.


DORA
(Confused - I mean, she’s a cartoon figure)
Suit yourself. Let me know if you need anything else to suck up all of that milk! Hey, I know a map that can give you directions, guy.


SNAKE
(Confused)
You mean, you know a guy who can give me a map?


DORA
(Pats SNAKE on shoulder)
No, I know a map. (See This is no Jive talkin'!; Exits)


SNAKE
(Looks at camera like, “What the…?”)
Sounds like a liberal.


SUDDENLY door opens, HAMBURGLAR enters and he sits next to SNAKE. The crumb dons a greasy hat, which states, “Seefood Diet.”


HAMBURGLAR
(A marijuana cigarette dangling from his pudgy, cracked lips, clutching hamburger in one hand, beer in the other, to DORA)
Someone say my name? Hey, sweetie! How about another one of these?


DORA
(A bit dimwitted due to being a cartoon figure)
Not while I’m working, stranger. But I’ll get you one. (Confused) Um, is that a marijuana cigarette, hamburger or beer?


HAMBURGLAR
I like your style but not your intelligence level. Get me another beer? (Looks at SNAKE) Rough day?


SNAKE
(Disgusted having to sit so close to a Democrat)
I’d be lying to you if I told you the truth.


HAMBURGLAR
Yep, I had one of those moments not to long ago when I tried to get Crooked Hillary elected.


SNAKE
(As he peels label off of milk bottle)
Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary, HC2H - the perfect formula for corruption.


DORA
(Again, a bit dimwitted due to being a cartoon figure) brings another marijuana cigarette, hamburger and beer and places it in front of HAMBURGLAR, careful not to place her fingers in between the delicacies and his big mouth.


HAMBURGLAR
The average person looks down on me for that. Thankfully, the Fake Stream Media asked, “Is there anything we can do for you?” (Laughs) As if Bezos, Ramos and their ilk didn’t f*** everything up as it was! I mean, Trump got elected, right?


SNAKE
(Irritated, drinks milk)
You know, you talk too much. (Eyes delicacies) Gorge too much, too. (Eyes suspiciously) EBT?


HAMBURGLAR
(Densely)
I don’t eat tea, no. Every damn liberal, but seriously-


SNAKE
(Really irritated)
Shut the f*** up! (Mutters) You’re worse than Rachel Maddow.


HAMBURGLAR
(Sorta realizes)
Are you President Donald J. Trump?


SNAKE
(Points to audience, retrieves assault rifle from under stool)
Yes...and no.


HAMBURGLAR
(Finally realizes like, “‘I see!’” said the blindman.”)
Right, right, right. (Drinks beer) Yep, I know that eye patch anywhere. (Picks nose, flippantly) I heard from my crystalized water friends you were DOA - that you were being impeached.


SNAKE
(Drinks milk)
To quote the late, great Philadelphia investigator, Bill Kelly, "Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated."


HAMBURGLAR
(Quickly smokes marijuana cigarette, eats hamburger and downs beer, motions with hands)
A lot’s going on here.


SNAKE
(Eyes gorging with disgust)
I can see that. But that’s not a problem when the taxpayer covers the cost, is it?


HAMBURGLAR
(Licks fingers, get up, pats SNAKE on back)
Have yourself a good one!
(Exits)


MOMENTS LATER, HAMBURGLAR returns…


HAMBURGLAR
(Liberal like)
You know . . . I thought you’d be meaner, like micro-aggressive!
(Exits)


SNAKE
(Politely)
A**h***!


SCHEMER
(Quickly approaches, shaken)
I just heard on the radio that we all must return to our place of birth. There was a prison escape in D.C. The Barack Obama-


LIBERAL CHOIR
(Rise from floor, sing gloriously)
Thank you, President Obama, for all you’ve done!


SCHEMER
Wiretapping Law passed during more, shall we say, crazy times - is now in effect.  


SNAKE
(Baffled)
What the f*** is a Barack Obama-


LIBERAL CHOIR
(Rise from floor, sing gloriously)
Thank you, President Obama, for all you’ve done!


SNAKE
Wiretapping Law?


SCHEMER
(Grabs large rubber enema hose, spots “Wanted for Winning Election" poster of SNAKE, recognizes they’re one in the same)
It means . . . you need to watch your a** around the largely liberal government. Meanwhile, get the f*** out of my D.C. watering hole for the DNPA and its Sonder Kommando - with its pictures of notorious Dems, for example Madonna, Pablo Escobar and The Swamp Thing, covering the walls like the herpes virus on an adult film star!


SNAKE
Alles klar, Herr Kommissar! (Examines hands, wipes them carefully on pants, mutters) Forgot about the herpes thing, though.   


SCHEMER
(Points hose, it flexes back and forth)
Have you been living with constipation? I said get out! Washington, D.C. is a dirty, filthy swamp - remember? Do you want the DNPA spying on you twenty-five hours a day?


SNAKE
(Gently grabs assault rifle)
We wouldn’t want that now, would we?


As DORA watches intently, SNAKE slowly exits, assault rifle leveled at SCHEMER - with his back to the door - which in most Mafia movies is a “No, no!” But, SNAKE’S no career politician.


EXT. PC’S BAR - DAY
SNAKE spots “Wanted for Winning Election" poster tacked to telephone pole and disgustingly tears it down. He walks for a time then sits down at a broken park bench in Lafayette Square. SNAKE reaches into his pocket and pulls out a shredded city map and tries to read it . . . DORA approaches.


DORA
Need a map?


SNAKE
Sure.


DORA
(Pulls out map but it fails to talk and sing)
Sorry - it fails to talk and sing.


SNAKE
Story of my life.


DORA
(Concerned like a kid in an Illinois thunderstorm)
Mr. Policeman will arrest you if he catches you out here.


SNAKE
(Concerned like a conservative guest on CNN)
“He” will arrest you, huh? That’s a sexist statement in your world, isn’t it? What about “she?” Or even a "LGBTQ?"


DORA
(Cries)
Oh, me, oh, my, my liberally blind abuela would punish me if she found out! (Begs) Please don’t tell my family or friends.


SNAKE
(Realizes the cartoon figure cannot distinguish sarcasm)
Calm down, kid! I was joking.


DORA
(Stops crying on a dime)
Oh, good. Anywho… What if a police officer arrests you? Or worse, a reporter tries to stop you?


SNAKE
Won’t be the first time. Besides, I got elected fair and square.


DORA
What do you mean?


SNAKE
The electoral college was designed to counterbalance the more rural, peaceful, hardworking areas of the country against the largely welfarized, crime ridden, population concentrated urban-


DORA
No, no, no - I get all that! I meant, what if you’re stopped by a police officer . . . or worse - liberal operatives being paid by left wing nut jobs? I mean, that’s bound to happen. This inane story needs drama, no?


SNAKE
Nothing to worry about. Trust me! The reader will be very happy. The writer’s got the story line all worked out.


DORA
(As if her opinion matters)
Hmm . . . cozy!


SNAKE
(As if her opinion doesn’t matter)
Works for me.


DORA
Look, if you are legitimately elected, you’re welcome to stay with me at my abuela’s house. I mean she’s blind and all, so you’ll fit right in - you know with your eye patch and such.


HANNITY
(Holds up sign stating, “PC Disclaimer”)
Liberal readers - please don’t be offended by-


DORA
(Quickly)
NOT that there’s anything wrong with wearing an eye patch!  


HANNITY
Never mind.


SNAKE
What about the Barack Obama-


LIBERAL CHOIR
(Rise from floor, sing gloriously)
Thank you, President Obama, for all you’ve done!


SNAKE
Wiretapping Law?


DORA
Hey? What the f*** IS the Barack Obama-


LIBERAL CHOIR
(Rise from floor, sing gloriously)
Thank you, President Obama, for all you’ve done!


DORA
Wiretapping Law?


SNAKE
Twenty-four hour a day surveillance of private citizens by the DNPA.


DORA
DNPA?


SNAKE
Democratic Nazi Party of America - what has become of the Democratic Party after Barack Obama-


LIBERAL CHOIR
(Rise from floor, sing gloriously)
Thank you, President Obama, for all you’ve done!


SNAKE
Stuck his grubby, sticky crooked Chicago fingers into America’s economic pie.


DORA
Sorry, Snake. Where is this conversation going? I just asked if you wanted to stay with me at my abuela’s house.


SNAKE
Right, right, right. OK. Where’s your car?


DORA
(Animated - like a cartoon figure)
Silly! I’m a cartoon figure. Besides, I don’t have a license, nor a car.


SNAKE
Illegals don’t always need a license to drive.


DORA
(Slightly taken aback)
That’s a racist statement in my world, isn’t it?


SNAKE
No - just truthful, especially in the Golden Fleece State of California where the Dems run amock and, depending on the stats, one out of every ten inhabitants is illegal. (See No Wonder the Job Market Sucks and My Taxes are So High! )


DORA
I get it. Taxpayers are sick and tired of the game. For the record, I am a citizen of the U.S. I was born here - in some drawing room in L.A. However, I know this is just a make-believe story, but own a car on a waitress’ salary? Are you f****** crazy? My rent’s cheaper than gas. (Points) I live just a couple of blocks that way - you know, in the ghetto part of town. (Eyes SNAKE’S lame foot, which we all forgot about until now) Do you think you can walk two blocks on that?


SNAKE
(Smiles)
What no free bus pass?


DORA
No, sorry. Only Welfare Lifers and Illegals get those freebies. Working taxpayers - the middle class - get zilch. (Quickly ponders) Wait! Not really - the working class chumps do get to pay for all of the freebies of the Democratic constituency.


SNAKE
Then, I guess that depends. If a couple of blocks means two, yes. Otherwise, we might have a problem.


DORA
(Smiles)
Let’s go.


Cue the Theme Song (The Morning After) until Parti Deux rolls off the drawing board. If this isn't funky enough, check out Redbone's "Suite Mode".


END PARTIE UN


Unless you’re an Angry Liberal Voter, Willing Welfare Lifer, 1%er, or just plain stupid, don’t be fooled by the Democratic Nazi Party of America, or their presidential selection, Barack Obama. The globalists are running scared and they’ve sicked their call girls, the Fake Stream Media Outlets, after President Trump and his administration. Yeah, well, Donald J. Trump is no angel but his worst traits are saintly compared to the DNPA’s best. If you don’t take that to the bank, the DNPA will take you to the cleaners - and along for a Chicago-style “one way ride.”


© 2017 Vox Populi. All rights reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you like or hate what you read, feel free to share this with your friends and enemies. The 2016 Election was personal and as an Indie Voter . . . I support President Donald J. Trump. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)









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