Saturday, March 18, 2017

Which Witch is Which? (A 6.66 Minute Satanic Stage Play and Soiree)

This Sarcasm Just In...


Which Witch is Which? (A 6.66 Minute Satanic Stage Play and Soiree)


By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi | March 18, 2017 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)


Dear Readers: So sorry for the delay in new material. I’ve been really busy and confess wholeheartedly (while I eat this Bear Claw) that I had important business to attend to. I know this witchcraft topic is a bit dated, but, “What the hell!” I mean, how many of you out there have in-laws which remind you daily of this topic? Hmm? Read this crazy sh** for yourself (See: CS #1 and CS #2). It’s sad and funny at the same time. Thank God (or Satan) for the First Amendment.


Starring the Following Dark Matter Globalist Clan


George Soros as the Evil Globalist Warlock


Nancy Pelosi as The Broom


Chuck “Schemer” Schumer as Chuckie the Killer Doll (See This Chuck's No Schumer)


Rachel Maddow as a literal Madcow


Michael Moore as Goodyear Blimp


Jeff Bezos as Himself


SETTING
Chicago . . . whenever there’s a crescent moon (as opposed to a Sailor Moon) . . . Ground Zero for the Globalist Conspiracy and the Headquarters of the Democratic Nazi Party of America. SOROS and the Dark Matter Globalist Clan stand around a drumfire, each smoking their own marijuana cigarette and generating smoke like a So Cal wild fire, eating Doritos, and just, to paraphrase the Zodiac Killer, “Doing their thing!” A nearby thermometer indicates -66.6 degrees below zero.


EVIL GLOBALIST WARLOCK
(Dressed in shark costume replete with a Star of David on his beret. Picks nose, eats booger, to THE BROOM, in muddled English)
How are you today, mein bab?


THE BROOM
(Replete with burned whisks - See The Broom Gets Whiffed)
My Darkness - not too well since you burned my whisks in the fire. You know, during our last soiree?


EVIL GLOBALIST WARLOCK
(Laughs)
Oh, meine, ya. I du remember, now. But, did not yer plastic surgeon fix you all better? I mean - you have more lifts than a ten bay car repair shop. Tisk, tisk.


THE BROOM
(Primps whisks)
Oh, ouch, ouch. Yeah . . . (Falls into dream state) . . . but at least I have excellent insurance paid for by my constituency in Frisco.


CHUCKIE
Hey, b****! You are ugly anyways, ya know? You never have to worry about crabs cuz’ you scare them away. Besides, no one is more evil than a politician - especially one from Frisco.


THE BROOM
(Incredulous)
How dare-


CHUCKIE
(Contemplates without much thought)
I waiver! Yeah, Chicago pols are more evil.


THE BROOM
(Proud - like “I’m not that crooked!”)
Well...that’s special. Thank you, Chuckie.


MADCOW
(Carries tax returns in mouth, starts bucking, shaking...you know, like a mad cow with, er, mad cow disease. Do I have to spell this out?)


GOODYEAR BLIMP
(While puffing on the herbage, devours 4, $4 meals from Carl's Jr. - which kinda makes sense, no?)
Burp!
(Eyes MADCOW - eyes burgers, chicken sandwiches, fries, Cokes - eyes MADCOW)
Quick - alert the slaughter house! Don’t want to let any beef go to waste.


BEZOS
I can order almost instant delivery with my drones.


GOODYEAR BLIMP
You mean . . . Burp! . . . you can deliver the cow to the slaughter house?


BEZOS
(Steps forward, as always)
Sure, why not . . . and parachute the poor creature, like our economy, right into the meat grinder. (See This is no sh**! Sort of...)


Suddenly, BEZOS turns his bald head just right and a thousand points of moonlight from the crescent moon reflect off of this empty bulbous protrusion and blinds his fellow witches.


The Dark Matter Globalist Clan wince in a collective, crescent sort of pain, particularly THE BROOM.


THE BROOM
(Again, wincing)
Oh, my, oh, my, I haven’t felt this blinded since I dropped that acid back in ‘68.


EVIL GLOBALIST WARLOCK
(Confused)
I thought that was back in 1949-50 . . . when you worked for the CIA? Oh, babs, you and Hillary are such, well, dummkopfs.


CHUCKIE
(Confused, also)
Hey, Evil Globalist Warlock - I thought you were from some sh**** place like Hungary or somethin' - not Germany?


BEZOS suddenly becomes animated - as if he’s having Saul Alinsky, Barack Obama and The Unabomber over for dinner. The DELIVERY DRONES come into view and crash into the Dark Matter Globalist Clan. MADCOW goes ape sh** or something along those lines…


MADCOW
(Angry, bucks head, swallows tax returns, vomits, in Cow)
This f****** sucks!


CHUCKIE
(Realization, shakes plastic head)
Dumbsh**! I could have told you President Trump’s tax returns were a waste of time. He’s more honest than Abe Lincoln, Barney the Purple Dinosaur and Dora the Explorer (motions with plastic fingers) . . . all rolled into one.


EVIL GLOBALIST WARLOCK
(Irritated)
OK, OK, enuff! My evil, Dark Matter Globalist Clan. Ich liebe you guys but remember why we’re here.


CHUCKIE
No sh**!


THE BROOM
Well, fiddle my charred whiskers! (As she fiddles with them, several break off) Yes!


GOODYEAR BLIMP
(Finally finishes 4, $4 meals, licks fat, greasy fingers)
Yeah, EGW’s right. We need to start incanting evil - and fast! President Trump is doing too much good for the people - and fast.


MADCOW
(Delirious, walks over to GOODYEAR BLIMP and . . . BARFS, in Cow)
Where's Dr. Pol when you need him?



GOODYEAR BLIMP
(Looks himself over - covered with liquefied cud, decaying chicken poop (Say What?) and of course, little bits and pieces of the tax returns)
What the f***! (To MADCOW) A**h***!


CHUCKIE
Uh, Blimpie, the cows really sick. Douche! (To himself) Come to think of it, so are you in a really weird sort of way-


BEZOS
Yeah, dude. Lay off the cow. I mean, it’s already headed for the slaughter house down in Chino. Unless rage is reaped upon the middle class - have some sympathy!


GOODYEAR BLIMP
(Stops licking fingers, confused)
In China?


EVIL GLOBALIST WARLOCK
(Really irritated)
Chino, idiot! Chino. Alles klar? Now, let’s perform our ritual. Let us together curse our president - well, your president. I’m actually an unwelcome foreigner; and (Rubs hands together very gently) let us curse your beautiful country. Chuckie?


CHUCKIE
(Lights pee yellow candle)
OK (Motions with plastic hands), gather ‘round witches. (Pulls out plastic toy cell phone, looks up Youtube video, and presses play…


The Dark Matter Globalist Clan listen to Arthur Brown's "Fire" and can’t help but dance around evilly for a time.

SUDDENLY...The Marshall Field's clock nearby strikes twelve midnight. It's the "witching hour" in Chi Town. Several gunshots ring out, people and police scatter everywhere; except those plotting evil, those whose middle names are sin, those who are coincidentally ugly as sin. Film at Eleven. Meanwhile...


CHUCKIE
We witches must incant what the Zombie Protesters (See: ZPs) cannot: getting evil spirits to stick to Trump like down home demons and Welfare Lifers, which proliferate throughout most of Chicago, and bind him like no brick of sharp cheddar could ever do. He must fail to cure our country's ills, help the working class achieve financial success-

ALL
(Deep, blood curdling scream)
Satan Laurel and Oliver Hardy - we praise you!

CHUCKIE
(Angry, trance like)
He must fail to force us to get real jobs!


THE BROOM
And pay real taxes!


CHUCKIE
(Angry, totally alert)
Yeah - f*** that!


BEZOS
No doo, dog!


CHUCKIE
Chant with me my evil homies!


The Dark Matter Globalist Clan chant…


ALL
Wicked, wicked, wicky woo. Oh, evil spirits, conspire and ensure our wickedness to endure.


GOODYEAR BLIMP
(Cackles awkwardly)
Trump…


ALL eye GOODYEAR BLIMP as if to say, “Shut the f*** up, b****!”


CHUCKIE
(Blows out candle)
May Trump crumble and blow into dust and ash and minute particles of-


EVIL GLOBALIST WARLOCK
(A bit pissed)
Blah, blah, blah! OK. Now, to the grand finale, the hex of hexes.


As each crumb takes a puff of their, to again purposely sound ignorant of the drug culture, "marijuana cigarette," the Dark Matter Globalist Clan suddenly break out into . . . “The Witchcraft Rap”:


Evil Globalist Warlock
Yo, dog, Anubis, the man/dog - hear our cry,
Wait, no, Satan is who we wish to come,
Please, oh, dark one, usher in the demise of white people,
Naturally - except our families,
Grab the fools by the crotch,
Twist and shout, then hard rock,
We need no Viagra, Satan’s our blow,
Let’s usher in the era of a dark, dark glow.


THE BROOM
No more parents, screw their authority,
Globalism, socialism is who we want won,
Oh, dark one, usher in an age sans VD,
The itch, trich, no more painful inter-shtick,
Grab ‘em by the balls, old master,
Touch the pole, seize the day, this dirty prez,
Must end, oh, please, some day.


CHUCKIE
God rules the universe, you rule the soil,
Worms, vermin, insects, witches-
Crave your trampling upon our backs,
Nothin’ like a hard pressed foot,
Right near your ass, oh, evil one,
Free us, free us welfare recipients at last,
Freebies galore, shore to shore,
California’s third world economy we so humbly implore.


MADCOW
(Miraculously Speaks)
We are collective insanity and exclaim,
Lord on Low, seize our souls,
Deny the evil ones our responsibility,
Now, to the point, we pray, nay chant,
Mr. Satan…
Help us to undo what has been done,
The people know not what they have done,
Wait? Why do we incant these crazy thoughts?


GOODYEAR BLIMP
Carpe diem! We implore you, Sir D,
Make a fool of our duly elected President, see?
Blow up our cities, destroy all jobs,
The Democratic Nazi Party of America stands,
Right there by your scaly side,
Create a world where the middle class pays the tax,
We won’t work anyways, so, what the hey,
Druther sit ‘round and smoke and par-tay.


BEZOS
We lastly implore oh dark, dank deep one,
Scale back the light, make our streets undone,
Clear the White House, the Congress, our courts,
Our country . . . of all bigots, racists, sexists,
Queerists, free market capitalists, sports enthusiasts, legal immigrants, rule of law, haters and posers,
the proud, the few, the Marines, and Steve McQueen,
For we witches value all humanity - except all men and Brylcreem!


ALL
(Hold hands, walk in circle, and gently dance - the dance of DNPA insanity)
This tale would not be so bold,
If you were not told the truth - cold,
Suddenly shots rang out,
After all - it’s good ol’ Chica-go,
The Dark Matter Globalist Clan,
Fanned out for cover, only to discover,
But that their lives are now stuck,
In the proverbial Hades - a gutter.


ALL  
(Fall down dead!)
Can we have our cups of cocoa?


Unless you’re an Angry Liberal Voter, Willing Welfare Lifer, 1%er, or just plain stupid, don’t be fooled by the Democratic Nazi Party of America, or their presidential selection, Barack Obama. The globalists are running scared. Yeah, well, Donald J. Trump is no angel but his worst traits are saintly compared to the DNPA’s best. If you don’t take that to the bank, the DNPA will take you to the cleaners - and along for a Chicago-style “one way ride.”


© 2017 Vox Populi. All rights reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you like or hate what you read, feel free to share this with your friends and enemies. The 2016 Election was personal and as an Indie Voter . . . I support President Donald J. Trump. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)

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