Sunday, April 30, 2017

Ship of Fools: A “Titanic” Dinner Scene

This Sarcasm Just In...


Ship of Fools: A “Titanic” Dinner Scene


By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi | April 30, 2017 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)


This crazy and thankfully short stage play is based upon the classic tearjerker film,  Titanic - and the famous Dinner Scene where Jack is placed into the “shark tank” with the globalist menagerie. Come now - Who hasn’t seen this movie? Psst: this is no tearjerker….


STARRING


President TRUMP - as Jack
Independent VOTER - as Rose
Barack OBAMA - as Cal
Maxine WATERS - as Rose's Mom
Elizabeth “Pocahontas” WARREN - COUNTESS OF ROTHES
George SOROS - John Jacob Astor
Tamika BOLTON - “Mrs.” John Jacob Astor
Bill CLINTON - Benjamin Guggenheim
Energizer BUNNY - Bill’s Mistress
Sean PENN - Sir Cosmo Duff-Gordon
MADONNA - Lady Duff-Gordon
Kellyanne CONWAY - as "Unsinkable" Molly Brown
Sean HANNITY - as Narrator
John Podesta - J. Bruce Ismay
Newt GINGRICH - Mr. Andrews
Paul RYAN - Waiter
Warren BUFFETT - Fat Old Man


INT. DEMOCRATIC NAZI PARTY OF AMERICA CAFETERIA - NIGHT


Independent VOTER walks graciously down a set of serpentine steps to a landing - towards President TRUMP - and offers her outstretched white glove-bedecked right hand, emblazoned with the word, “Suffrage.” He kisses it-


TRUMP
(Smiles)
I was taught respect at the Kew-Forest School in Queens. Always wanted to do that.


VOTER smiles and the naive couple make their way toward the shark tank, or DNPA cafeteria.   TRUMP struts like a peacock as VOTER admires his confidence. They approach OBAMA and WATERS who are in a deep, almost disturbing conversation.


VOTER
(Tugs OBAMA’S coat)
Darling - Surely you remember President Trump?


Both look dumbfounded and . . . well, pretty stupid.


OBAMA
(Spins - looks like Bozo the Clown)
Trump? (Giggles) That’s amazing! You could almost pass for a politician.


TRUMP
(Unfazed)
Almost.


OBAMA
(Offers arm to WATERS)
Piss ants!


OBAMA and WATERS exeunt as VOTER and TRUMP smile at each other as if to say, “Crooked pols!” and continue on. They suddenly veer to the extreme left…


VOTER
(Points, tries not to laugh)
That’s Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren. She claims she’s got Native American blood. (Points to the right of the extreme left) That’s George Soros. The richest man on Das Narrenschiff; Nazi collaborator, Judaic dropout. His little wifey there - Tamika’s my age and in a delicate condition. I mean, she’s his third spouse and probably not the last.


We see BOLTON awkwardly scan the crowd for mistresses.


VOTER
See how she’s trying to deny it-


TRUMP
(Interjects)
But . . . Soros IS old.


VOTER
But . . . Soros IS rich. Outside of the DNPA - quite the scandal.


Sean PENN, MADONNA, OBAMA and WATERS converse creepily with low tones and whispers.


VOTER
(Head bobs toward the center)
And that’s Bill Clinton and his mistress, the Energizer Bunny, Julie Tauber McMahon. Mrs. Clinton is at home with the full plantation staff, the animals and the post-campaign debacle to take care of, of course.


TRUMP
(Mutters)
And I thought I had problems.


VOTER
(Awkwardly points about as left as she can)
And there are Sean Penn and Madonna. Quite the scandal, too. Sean tried to interview El Chapo. Really thought it was important. Madonna-


TRUMP
Wait! Wait! Wait! This couple is history, no?


VOTER
Yes, but work with me, Mr. President. This is a make-believe account, remember?


TRUMP
Right, right, right. (To himself) This calls for a tweet.


VOTER
Anywho - Madonna is a walking scandal herself. Designs smutty music and clothing trends, among her many talents. I mean, blow up the White House?


TRUMP
(Quickly ducks)
Holy-


VOTER
Don’t worry - that’s in a different time and place.


TRUMP
(Relieved)
Oh, OK . . . good.


VOTER
(Waves at Madonna)
She’s very popular with the boys on the left.

Meanwhile, off in their own creepy conversation...

CLINTON
(Eyes VOTER, To Obama)
Congratulations, Obama. She’s splendid.


OBAMA
(Speaks as if he paid for his own education at Columbia - the university and not the marijuana mix - suddenly sniffs the aroma of food, smiles and giggles)
Well, thank you.

Thankfully breaking up the monotony . . . Kellyanne CONWAY approaches VOTER and TRUMP.


CONWAY
Care to escort a lady to the shark tank?


TRUMP
(Awkwardly, I mean they’re in DNPA land)
Certainly - they can’t eat us all at once!


The three walk arm-in-arm graciously towards the table.


CONWAY
Ain’t nothin’ to it, huh Trump? Remember they love money and power, so just pretend that you own a piece of the world and you’re in the boys club of boys clubs - the Democratic Nazi Party of America.


The trio approaches SOROS and BOLTON.


CONWAY
Hey, Soros!


SOROS
Vell, hello, Kellyanne. Zo (stutters) nice to see you.


VOTER
(Proud)
I’d like you to meet President Trump.


BOLTON
(Struggles to extend hand - loaded with diamond rings and gold bracelets - to TRUMP)
How DID you do it?


TRUMP
How do YOU do?


SOROS
(Extends hand, stutters)
Pres-i-dent Trump. Are you of the Scotland Trumps?


TRUMP
Yes - and the New York Trumps.


NARRATOR/HANNITY
Trump must have been nervous. But he never faltered . . .  except when he tweets crazy s***. They assumed he was one of them - corrupt, greedy, globalist heir to a piece of the world. New, albeit honest billionaire, but still a member of the DNPA club; a cunning globalist scheme. Maxine Waters, of course, could always be counted upon…


INT. DINNER TABLE - NIGHT


The ensemble sits at the table of the DNPA. Dinner is served...


WATERS
(Gloats, as if sticking the knife in AND twisting it)
Tell us of the hardships of the working men and women throughout the United States, Mr. Trump. On the contrary, in my district anyway, I hear they’re quite good if you’re a Democrat, i.e. a Welfare Lifer, Illegal or 1%er?


TRUMP
(Sticks it right back)
The worst I’ve seen, Congresswoman. As if you really care. Hardly any quitters amongst the true patriots.


OBAMA
(Arrogant but banal)
Mr. Trump joins us from the real world. He’s no career politician. He was of some assistance to my constituency. (Gestures toward Voter)


VOTER
It turns out that President Trump is quite the people’s president. He was kind enough to make promises to the people that he intended to keep. Think Obamacare. (Eyes Obama)


RYAN approaches carrying business as usual on a solid gold tray. He bends over to OBAMA and offers it up to him. As OBAMA partakes in the free money...


OBAMA
Voter and I differ somewhat in our definition of keeping a promise. Not to impugn your definition, sir.


TRUMP gingerly flips off OBAMA.


TRUMP
(Studies tableware as if they’re tools of government, whispers to CONWAY)
Is this all for me?


CONWAY
(Adroit, whispers)
Just start from the outside and work your way in.


PODESTA
(To GINGRICH)
He knows every rivet in it, don’t you, Newt?


VOTER
(To GINGRICH, light years ahead of the liberals)
YOUR ship is a wonder, Mr. Gingrich.


GINGRICH
(Smiles sardonically)
Thank you, Kellyanne.


VOTER alerts TRUMP to RYAN’S tray.


RYAN
(Bends down close to TRUMP)
How do you take your business as usual, Mr. President?


TRUMP
None for me. Never did like it much.


VOTER smiles as WATERS wades in…


WATERS
(As she enjoys the taxpayer provided expensive food)
And where exactly do you live - politically speaking, Mr. Trump?


TRUMP
Well, right now my address is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue-


WATERS suddenly gags on her own tongue and chokes nearly to death. Obama slaps her quite hard on the back, and she unfortunately recovers to finish this little skit.


TRUMP
After that it just depends where my hotels are located and God’s good humor.


WATERS
(Angry)
How is it that you have means to travel?


As OBAMA becomes visibly nervous…


TRUMP
I worked my way up in the real word, you know, working hard jobs. Invested my money, relied upon my own self to build my fortune.


As OBAMA slides down in his chair…


TRUMP
I don't appreciate people who live off of the already overburdened taxpayers. But . . . I won the election last November - many thanks to the “Titanic” here and a lucky hand at the electoral process. A VERY lucky hand.


TRUMP and VOTER eye each other and smile.


BUFFETT
(Shouts out, as if drunk)
All in life is a game of luck!


OBAMA
(Sips expensive champagne courtesy of the taxpayer)
Hmm . . . a real man makes his own luck - right Trump?


WATERS and OBAMA give TRUMP the “evil eye” as VOTER ignores the serial politicians.


TRUMP
(Nods, to himself)
A*******.


WATERS
And you find that achieving things on your own is appealing, do you?


CONWAY
(Eyes WATERS, to herself)
a**wipe.


TRUMP
Well, yes congresswoman, I do. I got the support of the American people, a few blank Twitter queues . . . I mean, I love waking up in the morning not knowing what to Tweet that day. How to stir the ire in the DNPA - in you fine people. Whom I’m going to make a deal with? Where I might end up that day? Just the other night, I was sleeping in Trump Tower and now, now I’m living in the White House. Here I am, in the grandest globalist cafe, having expensive champagne with you left wingers.


EPILOGUE


If you remember correctly . . . the supposed “unsinkable ship” sinks in the end. Will the Democratic Nazi Party of America metaphorically sink, likewise? Either way, good, hardworking taxpayers will prevail over evil globalists hell bent on creating a welfarized economy with dependent voters who have no choice but to continually come back to the freebie till.



Unless you’re an Angry Liberal Voter, Willing Welfare Lifer, 1%er, or just plain stupid, don’t be fooled by the Democratic Nazi Party of America, or their presidential selection, Barack Obama. The globalists are running scared and they’ve sicked thcall girls, the Fake Stream Media Outlets, after President Trump and his administration. Yeah, well, Donald J. Trump is no angel but his worst traits are saintly compared to the DNPA’s best. If you don’t take that to the bank, the DNPA will take you to the cleaners - and along for a Chicago-style “one way ride.”


© 2017 Vox Populi. All rights reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you like or hate what you read, feel free to share this with your friends and enemies. The 2016 Election was personal and as an Indie Voter . . . I support President Donald J. Trump. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Vox Populi's Most Popular Play to Date!

This Sarcasm Just In...

Mr. Soros Goes to Omaha (A 6.66 Minute Half-Assed Stage Play)

By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi | November 12, 2016 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)


CHARACTERS

NARRATOR

George SOROS

Warren BUFFETT

Paul BEST (Legendary Musician)

FALCO (Spirit of Legendary Musician)

Hillary CLINTON

Vladimir PUTIN

Donald TRUMP

EBT (Guy on Welfare)

PATRON


SETTING

The present day.

It’s A G-Thing Yogurt and Sundries Shop, Omaha, Nebraska - a shadowy place along Underpass Drive in the Crocodile Dundee Neighborhood.

SOROS, BUFFETT and BEST sit at a small table next to a window, barely suitable for two fat old men and a legendary rockstar. A Ford Expedition sits outside with EBT, a small man with a big mouth, paying close attention to the three eating large, messy cones of frozen yogurt, only BUFFETT stares at it as the blob melts. All the characters are dressed “to the nines” - except EBT. A full moon is visible through the slimy, greasy window pain.

NARRATOR
No real Nebraskans were harmed, nor are they targeted in any way, shape or form. Rather, Omaha represents wholesome, middle America which the globalists want to destroy . . . with a smile. Anything to make a buck.

SOROS
(He wears an obligatory milk stash and speaks with a weird accent - a cross, er, mishmash between a Hungarian Jew and a mouth full of cherry Slurpee)
I em Hungarian.

BEST
This is dessert, George - we just ate an hour ago.

BUFFETT
(Smiling, tempered like the B-9 Class M-3 General Utility Non-Theorizing Environmental Control Robot from Lost In Space)
You only have to do a very few things right in your life so long as you don't do too many things wrong.

BEST
(Confused)
Oh?

SOROS
You know, I do appreciate de Beatles but, frankly, my dear, Ringo was my favorite.

BEST
(Miffed)
Truthfully, I’m told that a lot.

BUFFETT
It is not necessary to do extraordinary things to get extraordinary results.

BEST
(More Miffed)
Is that so? (Mutters, looks around) Is he in cahoots with my ex?

SOROS
(Studies yogurt running all over his hand)
Und I heard dis from Amy Schumer, too . . . you know, de former comedian? She said you're the fifth best one - out of five: Ringo, John, George, Pete - then you, sir!

BEST
(Flustered)
Comedienne, George. Comedienne. (Mutters to himself sarcastically) The fifth best one - out of five! (Motions with fists) Ooh, Bang, zoom!

SOROS
Whatever she was, my kind feather rich friend.

BEST
That’s fine feather rich-

BUFFETT
Nothing sedates rationality like large doses of effortless money.

BEST
What the hell is Warren babbling about? Did he smoke dope when he was younger?

SOROS
(Finishes cone, loudly licks fingers)
Tisk, tisk, never ever underestimate your competition, Paul. (Studies the slimy, greasy window as he speaks) Now, I do not believe Donald Trump has any chance of being elected. Oh (Laughs), he will win the popular vote in a landslide, but our people will ensure Hillary, my personal friend, will win the electoral college.

BEST
(Fidgety as if he has his finger stuck in an alligator’s snout)
Uhh, Earth to George. Where have you been? Trump won the election. (Mutters) Damn Hungarians.

SOROS
Oh, I’m not hungry, thank you. Wait! Trump won?

BEST
(Tosses cone into nearby trash bin, but misses, flippantly)
Tisk, tisk, never ever underestimate your competition, George.

Suddenly, FALCO enters and approaches BEST, but since he is a spirit, FALCO is unnoticed, almost like EBT in real life. He picks up cone and tosses it into BEST’S crotch. BEST is stunned.

BEST
(Angry, jumps up, wipes off crotch)
Incredible - reminds me of a song . . . (Struggles to be at peace) . . . just “Let It Be.”

FALCO
(Auf Deutsch)
In der Tagen, dachte Ich sehr über dich. Was für eine Enttäuschung. Ja, Ringo gefällt mir am besten, auch. Erinner dich das Lied, “Everybody Ringo?” von Pat “Redbone” Vegas? Der einige Beatle so das Lied zu haben.
(Auf Englisch)
In the day, I looked up to you. What a disappointment. Yes, Ringo was my favorite, too. Remember the song, “Everybody Ringo” by Pat "Redbone" Vegas? The only Beatle to have such a song.

FALCO exits.

NARRATOR
Apologies to my German and Austrian audiences. My German is a bit rusty. Film at Eleven...

SOROS
Atkozott! Trump won? I must be losing my thieving ways. Oh, my God-

BUFFETT
It's better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you'll drift in that direction.

BEST
(Thoroughly disgusted - like done!)
So now you tell me. (Carefully grabs BUFFETT’s yogurt covered hand, maneuvers it over an ash tray and turns it over to allow the cone to fall in)

SOROS
(Takes note of ash tray, shocked)
I thought there were no smoking laws in Omaha?

BEST
(Thoroughly disgusted with conversation)
This is just a one act play, George. (To himself) Where is this social ditty going? We need Deus Ex Machina right about now.

Because time is of the essence, in walks CLINTON (dressed in - what else but an orange striped jumpsuit) followed by TRUMP and PUTIN dressed in rather casual clothes, TRUMP with an American Flag pin and PUTIN with a Russian Flag pin. CLINTON notes the three dimwits and rushes over whereas TRUMP and PUTIN, holding a Most Wanted Poster of George Soros, take a seat nearby.

BUFFETT
Price is what you pay; value is what you get. Whether you shop at Walmart or Kmart, I like buying quality merchandise when it is marked down; especially if it’s essentially free, like foreclosed homes.

BEST
(Reaches for a piano wire in his pocket, contemplates its length and BUFFET’S neck size, then reemerges from the darkness)
George - you need to shut Buffett the F*** up before I go Liverpool on this guy.

ALL THREE note CLINTON, smile and rise. BEST and BUFFETT reach out for her but she pushes them aside and embraces SOROS . . . almost kinda weird - like when she praised the Exalted Cyclops in the KKK, West Virginia’s late Senator Robert Byrd.  The two globalists kiss on the lips. CLINTON sits on SOROS’ lap. As he plays with her faux blonde hair, his fingers stick to the strands making her uncomfortable throughout the scene, her head moving, well, like a puppet.

SOROS
Hillary . . . my little bab. I’m so sorry we weren’t able to steal the election for you. This isn’t Chicago, you know.

CLINTON
(Starts to cry)
I know, I know. Please don’t remind me.

SOROS
(Dreamy)
Oh, how stealing was so much easier back in Hitler’s day.

BEST
(A realization, almost like “What the F***?”)
Um, George, what exactly do you mean? I’m uncomfortable right about now. (Mutters to himself, slaps himself in the head) Damn! Ringo wouldn’t be caught dead in this one act play!

SOROS
So I stole from a few Jews? I mean I'm a Jew. I steal from myself, from you, from the American people. (Laughs) I wasn't even born here. Ignet - Hungary-

CLINTON
(Dries eyes)
Are you still hungry?

SOROS
No longer, no. What a country! But, people do get touchy about this, this ancient history.

BUFFET
Opportunities come infrequently. When it rains gold, put out the bucket, not-

BEST
(Covers BUFFETT’S mouth with hand)
Warren, before this night is over, I swear I’ll-

HILLARY
Yeah, yeah, I know the feeling. So, I accepted a few hundreds of millions in bribes and people do get touchy. I mean, What difference, at this point, does it make?

SOROS
(Laughs)
Igen! Igen!

HILLARY
(Laughs and has a coughing fit, struggles to annunciate)
Opportunities come infrequently. When it rains gold, put out the bucket, not-

BEST
(Confused)
What the hell does "igen" mean?

HILLARY
(Struggles to speak)
I don't know - Google it like the Narrator - but a lot of ill-gained money always makes me smile.

NARRATOR
Had enough of this political conundrum? Me, too. More importantly, our two remaining characters, TRUMP and PUTIN have also had enough and approach the now four dimwits.

PUTIN
(To Soros, holds up Arrest Warrant, in Russian)
George, you’re old, fat a** is under arrest-

SOROS
(Incredulous)
For what?

PUTIN
For war crimes, treason and for just being a big rich d***! I’m haulin’ you back to Moscow for trial.

SOROS
(Resigned)
Oh . . . that.

NARRATOR
Apologies to my Russian audience, but I do not speak Russian and subsequently cannot translate Putin’s dialogue.

SOROS and CLINTON shake uncontrollably. BEST is confused. BUFFETT, well…

BUFFETT
I will tell you how to become rich. Close the doors. Be fearful when others are greedy. Be greedy when others are fearful.

TRUMP
Believe me, we know Warren how you took advantage of people losing their homes, stockpiled them at barn burner prices, sat on ‘em, and resold them when the market returned.

BEST
(Disgusted)
I should have known. Ringo wouldn’t put up with this high falutin’ corporate grab a**; neither would John, George or Pete. I’m so ashamed.

BEST exits.

TRUMP
(Turns to PATRON)
Open the door, please.

PATRON
Yes, sir, President Trump.

PUTIN
(Angry, in Russian)
Get up you Nazi war criminal, or I’ll drag your a** all the way back to Russia.

SOROS
(Throws CLINTON under table)
You can’t touch me. I’ll sick my angry mobs after you. (Yells) EBT!

EBT enters, disheveled, hurriedly and immediately eyes melted ice cream on the table. He licks his lips as TRUMP takes note.

SOROS
Show these fine men that I am untouchable. Use your threats of anarchy and Oakland-style thug muscle, Homie G!

TRUMP
(Sees through the charade)
Come on, I’ll buy you lunch.

TRUMP and EBT exeunt. Too fat and old, SOROS struggles to run out the door but PUTIN trips him. He falls and cries hysterically.

SOROS
You, fiend! I’ll sick the UN after you.

PUTIN
(In Russian)
Shut up, you filthy globalist.  (Looks under table at CLINTON, in broken English) You’re in big trouble, Crooked Hillary.

PUTIN and SOROS exeunt followed by all in shop - except for BUFFETT who…

BUFFETT
I tell college students, when you get to be my age you will be successful-

LIGHTS OUT

BUFFETT
If the people who you hope to have love you do love you.

CURTAIN


Unless you’re a Willing Welfare Lifer, 1%er, or just plain stupid, don’t be fooled by the Democratic Nazi Party of America, or their presidential selection, Barack Obama. The globalists are running scared. Yeah, well, Donald J. Trump is no angel but his worst traits are saintly compared to the DNPA’s best. If you don’t take that to the bank, the DNPA will take you to the cleaners - and along for a Chicago-style “one way ride.”


© 2016 Vox Populi. All laughs reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you like or hate what you read, feel free to share this with your friends and enemies. The 2016 Election is personal and as an Indie Voter . . . I support Donald J. Trump. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)


SOURCES