This Sarcasm Just In...
What Hillary Clinton Would Have Said If Shot in the Ass with Truth Serum - The Wellesley College Commencement Address
By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi | May 27, 2017 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)
May 26, 2017 (A Blue Moon)
Hello! I’m Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary (HC2H - the perfect formula for corruption). Thanks a lot for dragging my a** out of my petty world of shame, rejection and frankly, social suicide. Being a loser is definitely hard to endure. But, I’m rich! It makes me happy to think that, after all the criminal acts attributed to me and my husband, we still have fans here at my alma mater. This college was pretty easy to get into, come to think of it. Anywho, it’s wonderful, I guess, to be here with all of you rich White People, my kind of peops. President Johnson, I promise not to cash the check until I get back to New York. (Giggles with fingers crossed)
It seems that there are some old friends of mine in the audience who are still alive and can still remember this b**** of a friend, a greener, Class of 1969. Hmm. Sixty-nine. Bill’s favorite number. Again, in spite of my dubious, evil character, it’s even more pleasurable to know that people of my ilk do care about my presence here on this earth, or at least here in this God-forsaken campus. Graduates . . . your future looks mighty bright to me, as did mine. Just look at me and see what the future holds for you!
Hold on there, buckaroos! I need a shot of whiskey. My throat hurts and I suddenly feel faint - like in New York City - on the 9/11 anniversary last year. Remember? (Giggles) Ohh, f*** it! Stress is a b****, people. Now, let me fix my funny looking pillow hat which unfairly makes me appear honorable and educated to the masses.
But you rich people know full well that life is not fair. I mean, you graduates came from 49 states and 58 countries - all of you first class with money in your pocket. Certainly not like Booker T. Washington. (Giggles) Nope! You wealthy kids will now be able to help fund the Democratic Nazi Party of America - my party - as well as the Clinton Global Initiative; cash, checks or money orders are acceptable. But don’t even think about not wanting to be a part of this globalist movement. “The top of the food chain is always better than the bottom!” I always say. As for honest, hardworking taxpayers . . . F*** that!
When my racially superior father and mother sent me here to Wellesley, I felt out of place. I mean, I was just a girl, I was just beginning to explore my sexuality (Psst: I was definitely lesbian!) and I was a Goldwater Girl! Yep, I was a republican. I’m such a fraud, I know. But bear with me. It’s not easy being a Democratic Nazi Party of America member today. Vile emotions, hate and violent actions are now our norm. But, I’m just giddy with emotion to stand here on this stage today with people of my ilk.
You probably are pretty pissed, like me, that I lost the damn election. Frankly, I cannot believe it. I mean, Who would have thunk it? Ohh, f*** it! I mean, I got to spend more time just fartin’ around my mansion in Chappaqua, New York - thanks to the many donations to my campaign and the CGI. A special shout out to George Soros, my mentor - more like an owner really - and the Russian Government for the many millions they paid me for the uranium shipments . . . and then pinned the collusion on Trump! (Giggles) Oh, did I mention my grandchildren?
Yep, I took long walks in the woods near my expensive, ill-gained palatial estate. Why lie? Wine, women and song - you heard me right - got me going. Ahh, and my husband…. Wesseley, sorry, the college name is pretty confusing and stupid sounding - Wellesley was “always on my mind.” This college launched my criminal, er, political career. And for that, I will be eternally grateful for the many treasures I’ve henceforth amassed. See what a little college degree can do for you?
Now, now, don't be nervous about today’s crazy-a** world! I remember feeling those same vibes, like a reverberating ten foot high Marshall Amp at a Grateful Dead concert. Fact is, this crazy-a** world still hasn’t changed. Especially for women, I mean, look at my sorry a** husband, Bill Clinton. Come on, repeat after me: L-O-S-E-R. What’s it spell? Yeah, yeah. More to the point, you fear that you will not be able to help yourself or the world because of the corrupt nature of American politics. And . . . you’re right! I mean, we still don’t trust government, authority figures, or really anyone over the age of thirty. Hell, I mean who actually watches Rachel Maddow for the news? F****** A! You know? CNN? My a**....
Yeah, sure, back then anyways, we were able to blame all of our problems on the Vietnam War, our “baby killer” veterans, Richard Nixon, oh, let’s not forget the Civil Rights Movement, poverty, the rights of women, freedom of religion and, hm, well. I’m about tapped out here. You see, there’s always something or someone you can blame your problems on. Oh, yeah, let me RAGE about a man who threatened to lock me up, and should have when he had the chance (Giggles), and now is being investigated for obstruction of justice when in fact I am a criminal, as well as my former boss, Barack Obama. Without a doubt, the firing of Comey should have been done by Tweedledum but he was too weak, and since Tweedledee lost the election . . . er, damn Trump!
F*** that, graduates! Word up: as we rich kids slithered through the slime of our times, you too will be able to do the same. Remember: wealth is privilege and Thank God for that! My campaign sparked a SoCal wildfire in terms of corruption, criminal activity and snowflaking, a term I’d like to think I singlehandedly created through my epic loss to Donald Trump. Just don’t ask me to spell it! (Giggles) So many people of our ilk stepped up and b****** about the wrongs in society. You can do so, too!
Technology is so important today. I mean, thank God for Bleachbit, Facebook, Twitter, the Russians, Wikileaks . . . hey, wait a minute! Thank President Obama for giving away control of the Internet. Now, finally, the Left has a way to shut down our competition from the right! Extreme views, our views, are the only sounds in the proverbial forest with no one around, and trees falling everywhere. Stop! Hey, what’s that sound? Look! Listen! Can you hear the noise? Crackpot leaders like myself and Nancy Pelosi are now able, thankfully, to reach our minions directly via the Internet.
Due to the honest, critical thinking of people like Alex Jones and Sean Hannity, you are stepping out into the world where you may be subject to differing views. But, where are the safe spaces? Where is the hot cocoa? The cute and cuddly dogs to while away your emotional instability and political pain? Go online and check out the hysteria for yourself: Lifelong democrats voting for Donald Trump? Bill Clinton, my husband, a rapist? Some 40,000 emails erased by moi? Vince Foster murdered by the Clinton Crime Family? Haitian funds siphoned off so that I could buy my beautiful mansion in Chappaqua? Anthony Weiner a sex offender? Wait a second, maybe, oh, never mind!
Then, we’re faced with “alternative facts.” I mean, my husband did not rape all those women. He was just accused of the criminal acts. Remember: wealth is privilege. But we DNPA members must remember that voice in the wilderness, the progenitor of our crazy movement: “Tell a little lie and people will not believe you. Tell a big lie and the people will fall for it every time.” (Giggles) Believe me, I just made this s*** up! Look at the budget the president just proposed. Can you imagine allowing working taxpayers to keep more of their money to pay for their families? Ludicrous, and I do not mean the rapper! This budget attacks you, me, Mr. Ed, democrats, republicans - oh, f*** ‘em!, illegal aliens, welfare lifers, GLB, er, you know, rainbow people, MS-13 gang members, our broken down schools, Obamacare for the DNPA base constituency, hell even drug addicts got f***** in this deal! Oh, and one more thing, poor PBS . . . I mean Dora will not be able to explore anymore! Worse of all, global warming will be allowed to cool down! No money, no fuss. Shameful!
This is an attack on a fundamental Democratic Nazi Party of America principal: F*** the working taxpayers! How dare they even THINK they’re worthy . . . especially the White ones. And then, our entire globalist scheme, after all, is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma; except of course, to our beloved leaders like George “Judaic Dropout” Soros and the rest of our secret team. But, we must always keep up the con and not try to hide it! Problems? F*** ‘em! Who cares, graduates? Remember, you’re rich and don’t have to care. But, please do keep the cash, checks or money orders flowing my way. Catch my drift, homies? This feng shui of a political deal, this BEAUTIFUL DNPA scheme, keeps everyone off balance. But, we cannot let people think for themselves. This university, or ones like it in California, Washington State and even little ‘ole New Hampshire, are no longer founded on the principles of free thinking and respectful discourse. No, no, these institutions are now nothing more than snowflake laboratories which breed cynicism and anger. Ain’t our form of democracy grand? F*** the patriots and the blood they spilled. Think greed!
I believe, I do, I do, I do, in the power of the greedy wealthy to force freedom loving people to follow orders; I mean, Hitler was right about democracy, no? The future of OUR America depends upon sheeple like you, fearful, thoughtless, not a brain cell in hell, who could care less about truth and integrity anytime, anywhere. Further, we relish those who, like the meek characters in 1984, do what they’re told.
Adolf Hitler, the Nazi leader, wrote a book called, Mein Kampf, my campsite, er, or something like that, in which he advocated violence to solve problems - especially in the face of freedom-loving people. Sound familiar? He essentially said, well, I don’t speak German so I can’t say one way or another . . . but he is my hero. Long live the king! But, he did give enormous power to the powerful - the same “wish upon a star” that all crooked politicians, especially my buds in the DNPA, seek. (Smiles) So, sit down and shut the f*** up, Wellesley grads!
My husband always says, everyone can accuse me of rape, but not everyone can prove it. Grads - don’t f*** it up! Stand up, er, sit down. Be a strong advocate for the party above self. Let Soros, let me, tell you how to think, feel, act, what food to eat, who to marry, how much to pay in taxes, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Remember, I’m a wolf in sheep’s clothing! And I’m secretly gay.
I’m proud to say that you graduates have earned the right to speak out against racism, sexism, discrimination, global warming, $15 dollar per hour fast food wages . . . although there ain’t much of any of that on this rich, largely White campus. But, hey, words are words and I like to speak words and you like to hear words . . . provided these words don’t serve as micro-aggressions, macro-aggressions, or something even more sinister: contrary political thoughts or ideas! There is a safe place for all who follow the ‘powder blue road” of the Democratic Nazi Party of America. Don’t let the government deport criminal aliens, take away health care with deductibles too high it’s worthless (But, hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?), limit the rights of minorities by stripping them of welfare, limit the rights of women by preventing them from filing rape charges against their attackers and limit the rights of LGBTQ, admittedly, how, I have no clue. Maybe next commencement speech. (Giggles) Fight with a mailed fist and threats of violence . . because it works, stupid!
Graduates: Papa don’t preach. Don’t blow up the White House. To quote my husband, “I did not have sex with that woman!” To paraphrase the motto here at Wesseley, er, Wellesley, “Don’t f*** around. Minister the s***!” Remember that JFK was gunned down in Dallas for doing the exact opposite.
So, hell, I’m tired and want to bring this s*** home so I can cash the check. Grads, wherever you end up “in this thing called life . . . don’t let the elevator get you down.” Register to vote. Help your family, friends, neighbors, fellow citizens, illegal aliens, criminal aliens and dead people do the same. Vote in every election. In fact, vote early, vote often in every election . . . a little trick I learned back in the day in the most crooked city in the world: Chicago. Fight every effort to curb illegal voting: this only hurts the downtrodden, the Democratic Nazi Party of America.
Dreams… Where for art thou? Too poetic? Too Shakespearean? F*** ya! I look back now at my flabby, perverted husband . . . and I’m angry inside; a raging volcano. I look back at November’s election and my stinging loss to my nemesis, Donald Trump . . . and I’m angry inside; a raging volcano. Oh, God Help me! If you have dreams, don’t pin them on a loser guy like Bill. Approach that locked door, that man, in your life, get down on your knees, and - get your mind out of the gutter - pick the lock! Dump the guy first, but pick the lock. Yeah, just do it. I mean, do you really want to end up just like little old me? Hardly. Where’s the nearest check cashing place, anyways?
Unless you’re an Angry Liberal Voter, Willing Welfare Lifer, 1%er, or just plain stupid, don’t be fooled by the Democratic Nazi Party of America, or their presidential selection, Barack Obama. The globalists are running scared and they’ve sicked their call girls, the Fake Stream Media Outlets, after President Trump and his administration. Yeah, well, Donald J. Trump is no angel but his worst traits are saintly compared to the DNPA’s best. If you don’t take that to the bank, the DNPA will take you to the cleaners - and along for a Chicago-style “one way ride.”
© 2017 Vox Populi. All rights reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you like or hate what you read, feel free to share this with your friends and enemies. The 2016 Election was personal and as an Indie Voter . . . I support President Donald J. Trump. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)