Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Disorder in the Court of Public Opinion (Part I)

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This Sarcasm Just In...


Disorder in the Court of Public Opinion (Partie Un)
By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi | June 28, 2017 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)


Like a lot of Vox Populi’s crazy a** stage plays, this is about 6.66 minutes of pure Left Wing lunacy. It is based upon the most noted Three Stooges episode, "Disorder in the Court" (1936). Can President Trump, with the aid of three top, albeit zany, Republicans, prove the Mueller Investigation is as solid as a submarine with a screen door?


STARRING...


Kellyanne CONWAY as Moe


Jared KUSHNER as Larry


Paul RYAN as Curly


President Donald J. TRUMP as Defendant Gail Tempest


THE TRUTH as Murder Victim Kirk Robbin


Sean HANNITY as The Parrot




James COMEY as Bailiff


Special Prosecutor Robert MUELLER as Prosecution Attorney


Newt "Astute" GINGRICH as Defense Attorney


AMERICAN PEOPLE as The Jury


GOOD, bad, snowflakes as The Crowd


Partie Deux: Features the musical number based upon the hit song, “Bad Blood,” (1975) by Neil Sedaka.


BEGIN PARTIE UN...


INT. COURT OF PUBLIC OPINION - 24 HOURS A DAY/7 DAYS A WEEK


A typical, Left Wing approbation of insanity. Bailiff COMEY swears in President TRUMP to kick start this crazy a** stage play. The courtroom is packed with SPECTATORS good, bad and flakey. As TRUMP proudly stands and holds left hand on the Bible help up by COMEY...


COMEY
(Rattles off)
Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?


HANNITY
(Interjects)
Braw-kawk! Disclaimer. Braw-kawk! Please pay no mind to the reference to God, liberals. We know you lack depth of knowledge, soul, common sense, et al., but we still want you to keep reading.


TRUMP
I do.
(Sits)


The Prosecution, Special Counsel Robert MUELLER, slithers before the witness stand.


MUELLER
What is your name?


TRUMP
Donald J. Trump.


MUELLER
What is your occupation?


TRUMP
45th President of the United States.


MUELLER
On the night of Friday the thirteenth, were you colluding with Russia - which led to Hillary Clinton’s humiliating loss to, er, you?


TRUMP
Yes, my associates were meeting with them, to try and reset the relationship started by Obama and Clinton, but their was no collusion to steal the election.


MUELLER
(Animated like when he “read” his first Playboy Magazine)
Right, right, right. Then WHO colluded with Russia?


TRUMP
(Flustered - like “Go f*** yourself!”)
I don’t know. You’re the pro-Democratic Nazi Party of America prosecutor, and your peops created this mess. You tell me.


MUELLER
(Suddenly remembers TRUMP'S Victory, angry)
Didn’t YOU collude with Russia?


GINGRICH
(Stands, though he’s so short it looks like he’s sitting)
I object your dishonor! I ask that the last question be stricken from the record. It is merely an attempt to influence this intelligent, broad-minded and most intellectual jury.


CUT TO-


JURY of AMERICAN VOTERS, largely tweeting, Facebooking, watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians and/or CNN and the Fakestream Media on their smartphones, but a few paying close attention to the Deep State crapshoot, reading Breitbart, The Drudge Report, and of course, watching Hannity, to stay informed.  


JUDGE “SCHMUCKER” ZUCKER
(Caught unawares, watching porn)
Oh, uh, is the defendant a liberal or a conservative? Er, objection sustained.


GINGRICH
Thank you, your dishonor.


MUELLER
(Mutters)
F*** me! That will be all.


TRUMP exits the witness stand as HANNITY speaks from his virtual cage-


HANNITY
Braw-kawk! Show me the proof! Braw-kawk!


GINGRICH
Quiet, Hannity. (Refocuses) If it would please the court, your dishonor, I would like to introduce my three main witnesses, Conway, Kushner and Ryan.     


GINGRICH looks around, confused, spots encrypted email on his laptop which reads, “Gone to lunch at Mar-a-Lago. Conway, Kushner, Ryan.”


GINGRICH
(Frustrated)
They were here a minute ago. Will you pardon me, your dishonor, while I hunt them down? I’ll be right back.


24 HOURS LATER…


INT. MAR-A-LAGO BAR - NIGHT


GINGRICH SPOTS CONWAY, KUSHNER and RYAN, all wearing trademark red, “Make America Great Again” hats, at the Jacks table. RYAN takes his turn with the bouncing rubber ball.


CONWAY
Hey, what’s the idea of spoiling the game?


RYAN
I was for onesies.


CONWAY
(Pissed)
Well, here’s twosies!
(Pokes RYAN in eyes with fingers)


RYAN
(In pain, clutches big ears)
Oh, oh, oh!


KUSHNER
(Laughs out of turn)
He was for onsies, you get-
(Thinks like, “Oh, s***!”)


CONWAY
Here’s fivesies!
(Slaps KUSHNER)


GINGRICH
Gentlemen, gentlemen. Don't you realize our country's future is on the line? President Trump needs your help (Looks at Reader), in fact he needs your help, too.


ALL THREE
(Get up and charge for exit)
Fakestream media’s at it again!


As RYAN pilfers a nice, leather riding crop from an unsuspecting super rich Mar-a-Lago customer-


ALL FOUR EXEUNT….


24 HOURS LATER…


INT. COURT OF PUBLIC OPINION - 24 HOURS A DAY/7 DAYS A WEEK


CONWAY, KUSHNER and RYAN, replete with the stolen leather riding crop, race into courtroom and approach swinging door marked, “Healthcare” near defense table. CONWAY slams small swinging door behind her, which nearly crushes KUSHNER’S knees. GINGRICH follows behind now limping KUSHNER, sees it’s locked, and vaults over it without care. RYAN tries to follow suit, but falls flat on his face.


THE CROWD laughs uproariously - unlike at a Stephen Colbert show.


JUDGE “SCHMUCKER” ZUCKER
(Pissed, like when he realized CNN f***** up Scaramucci allegations)
Will you gentlemen please try to be a little less honorable in this here liberal court.


CONWAY
Umm, sir, your dishonor, though I tell people all the time, "Don't be fooled, because I’m a man by day,” are you a misogynist bastard?


RYAN
(Oblivious, interjects as usual)
Certainly, Judgy, but the healthcare gate is locked.  


GINGRICH
(Irritated, points to witness stand)
Will you please step forward!


RYAN
(Nods, steps forward)
Yes.


GINGRICH
No, no, no. Prepare yourself for the witness stand.


RYAN
(Nods, primps himself, wiggles his big ears)
I’m ready.


CONWAY
(Slaps RYAN on head)
Get going!


Finally, RYAN approaches the witness stand, wearing a trademark red “Make America Great Again” hat and clutching the stolen leather riding crop, followed closely by an irritated liberal-loving bailiff, COMEY, clutching a BIBLE.


COMEY
(Holds out Bible)
Take off your hat.


RYAN
(Takes off hat)
KK.


COMEY
Now raise your right hand.


RYAN
(Hesitates, like with all things, puts hat back on, raises right hand)
KK


COMEY
(Holds up Bible)
Now put your left hand here.


RYAN
(Hesitates, shifts stolen riding crop to right hand, places left hand on Bible)
KK.


JUDGE “SCHMUCKER” ZUCKER
Take off your hat!


RYAN
(Hesitates, shifts stolen riding crop to left hand, takes off hat)


COMEY
Raise your right hand.


RYAN
(Hesitates, puts hat back on, shifts stolen riding crop to left hand, raises right hand)
KK


COMEY
Now put your left hand here.


RYAN
(Hesitates, shifts stolen riding crop to right hand, places left hand on Bible)
KK.


JUDGE “SCHMUCKER” ZUCKER
Please, take off your hat.


RYAN
(Hesitates, shifts stolen riding crop to left hand, takes off hat)


COMEY
(Frustrated, like when Trump tweeted, “Better hope there are no tapes.”)
RAISE YOUR RIGHT HAND!


RYAN
(Hesitates, puts hat back on, shifts stolen riding crop to left hand, raises right hand)
Libs!


COMEY
NOW PUT YOUR LEFT HAND HERE!


RYAN
(Hesitates, shifts stolen riding crop to right hand, places left hand on Bible)
Nazis.


JUDGE “SCHMUCKER” ZUCKER
WILL YOU PLEASE TAKE OFF YOUR HAT!


RYAN
(Hesitates, shifts stolen riding crop to left hand, takes off hat)
WTF.


COMEY
RAISE YOUR RIGHT HAND!


RYAN
(Hesitates, puts hat back on, shifts stolen riding crop to left hand, raises right hand)
Losers.


COMEY
NOW PUT YOUR LEFT HAND HERE!


RYAN
(Hesitates, shifts stolen riding crop to right hand, places left hand on Bible)


JUDGE “SCHMUCKER” ZUCKER
TAKE OFF YOUR HAT!


RYAN
(Removes hat, places on stolen riding crop, shifts to right hand, puts left hand on Bible and raises right hand)
D****.


COMEY
(Takes hat off of stolen riding crop, hands it to RYAN)
Will you get rid of that hat!


RYAN
(Places hat on COMEY, both of his hands on Bible, to COMEY)
Raise your right hand!


COMEY
(Raises right hand like a dumb a**, takes hat off)
Raise your right hand!


RYAN
(Raises right hand, puts left hand on Bible)
Holy s***....


COMEY
(So frustrated career’s ruined, jumbles out at rapid speed)
Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?


HANNITY
(Interjects)
Braw-kawk! Disclaimer. Braw-kawk! Please pay no mind to the reference to God, liberals. We know you lack depth of knowledge, soul, common sense, et al., but we still want you to keep reading.


RYAN
(Confused)
Your dishonor. I-


JUDGE “SCHMUCKER” ZUCKER
Why don’t you reply?


RYAN
He’s trying to give me the double talk. He could be speakin’ Russian for all I know.


JUDGE “SCHMUCKER” ZUCKER
Right, right, right. He’s asking you if you swear-


RYAN
No! But I know all of the words. Do you wanna hear some?


JUDGE “SCHMUCKER” ZUCKER
He’s asking you if you swear on all the cheese in Wisconsin to tell the truth.


RYAN
Truth is stranger than alternative facts, your dishonor.


JUDGE “SCHMUCKER” ZUCKER
Kindly address this court as “Your honor.” Now, take the stand.


RYAN
(What else? Picks up the chair)
What do I do with it?


JUDGE “SCHMUCKER” ZUCKER
No, no, take the stand. You know, like your yearly salary and perks as Speaker of the House.


COMEY
(No longer afraid of implications, grabs chair and slams it onto the stand)
Sit down, cheesehead!


RYAN
(Sits and falls backwards)
Oh, f***!


THE CROWD laughs uproariously - unlike at a Stephen Colbert show. CONWAY and KUSHNER rush over to aid RYAN.


CONWAY
(Slaps RYAN on head)
Come on. Don't you get tired of playing the fool?


KUSHNER
(Sets chair upright)
A righteous man falls down seven times and gets up.


CONWAY
(Slaps RYAN on head)
Where do you think you are, back in Janesville?


RYAN
I’m a victim of the Fakestream Media!


KUSHNER
(Slaps Ryan)


CONWAY
(Grabs KUSHNER’S hair)
Who do you think you are?
(Pokes KUSHNER in eye)
Now, get going!


RYAN
(Laughs)
Moo, moo, moo.


CONWAY
(Slaps RYAN)
Be quiet!


JUDGE “SCHMUCKER” ZUCKER
(Slams down gavel)
Proceed with the witch hunt.


END PARTIE UN


Unless you’re an Angry Liberal Voter, Willing Welfare Lifer, 1%er, or just plain stupid, don’t be fooled by the Democratic Nazi Party of America, or their presidential selection, Barack Obama. The globalists are running scared and they’ve sicked their call girls, the Fake Stream Media Outlets, after President Trump and his administration. Yeah, well, Donald J. Trump is no angel but his worst traits are saintly compared to the DNPA’s best. If you don’t take that to the bank, the DNPA will take you to the cleaners - and along for a Chicago-style “one way ride.”
© 2017 Vox Populi. All rights reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you like or hate what you read, feel free to share this with your friends and enemies. The 2016 Election was personal and as an Indie Voter . . . I support President Donald J. Trump. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)

































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