Thursday, June 22, 2017

From the Files of Police Squad: The Case of the Obstruction Collusion Something-Or-Other (A 6.66 Minute Stage Play) PARTIE UN

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From the Files of Police Squad: The Case of the Obstruction Collusion Something-Or-Other (A 6.66 Minute Stage Play) PARTIE UN

By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi | June 22, 2017 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)

Twitter: @JimHoffmann7

This crazy, zany 6.66 minute stage play is based upon the classic TV show, "Police Squad" (Episode 1) (1982). A descendant of the wildly popular comedy film, Airplane (1980), this show served as the progenitor for the Naked Gun (1988) film franchise.

PLOT: Three closet Democratic Nazi Party of America (DNPA) members, AKA “Crime Cubed” (Special Counsel Robert Mueller, fired FBI Director, James Comey and Assistant US Deputy Attorney General Rob Rosenstein), working as shills for the Goober Globalist 1%ers, collude to rob the Bank of America’s Public Trust - and blame it on President Trump. President Donald Trump and Vice President Mike Pence, along with a kooky band of White House Advisors, must solve this crime, a Deep State black op, against the American people - and their duly elected president.

STARRING...

Karen HANDEL (R - GA) as Announcer (Voice Over)

Abraham Lincoln as himself

Barack OBAMA as himself

Valerie JARRETT as herself

AMERICAN VOTER as Murdered Bank President

RUSSIA as Murder Victim, Ralph Twice

SPECIal CounsEl Robert Mueller as Murderer and Thief, Sally Decker

President TRUMP as Detective Frank Drebin

Mike PENCE as Captain Ed Hocken

Paul RYAN (R - WI) as Ted the Lab Technician

PUTIN as Widower  (A wee bit confusing, I know.) of Mrs. Ralph Twice
White House Advisors…

Chief of Staff Reince PRIEBUS as himself

WH Press Secretary Sean SPICER as himself

Counselor to the President Kellyanne CONWAY as herself

Sean HANNITY as Johnny the “Street Guru of Knowledge”


SO OUR STORY UNFOLDS...


HANDEL (VO)
Police Squad! In color. Starring President Donald Trump.

HANDEL (VO)

HANDEL (VO)
And Abraham Lincoln as Abraham Lincoln (:29 Seconds).

HANDEL (VO)
Tonight's special guest stars, Barack Obama and Valerie Jarrett (:39).

HANDEL (VO)
Tonight's episode, “The Broken Promise.”

INT. BANK OF AMERICA’S PUBLIC TRUST - DAY

NOT too crowded at the moment. AMERICAN VOTER works behind the bank counter as SPECIal CounsEl Robert MUELLER appears anyways, as would any common, dirty lawyer, to be “working diligently” behind a dark, partially concealed desk.

AMERICAN VOTER
Herr Mueller, I just can't cover up for you anymore. I'm in this thing way too deep already.

SPECIE MUELLER
Not as deep as I am. Oh, please, the DNC is getting anxious. They want a conviction - regardless of any evidence.

AMERICAN VOTER
Well, tell the DNC you haven't got any evidence. What can they do?

SPECIE MUELLER
What can they do? They’d gun down their own staffer when it comes to money and power . . . AV, please, you gotta go along with me or I'm in serious trouble.

AMERICAN VOTER
I’m sorry, Herr Mueller. Look’s like you’re f*****!

SPECIE MUELLER
Please, I only need a couple more months. By then, the bogus evidence can be fabricated.

AMERICAN VOTER
Yeah, sure, then next year you'll need a dozen more DNPA-type, bloodsucking lawyers to help you go after Fox News, Breitbart and The Jim Bakker Show. There's no end to the Maxine “I Resemble A Wii Character” Waters video game show.

SPECIE MUELLER
AV, please, one more year. You never know what evidence we can cook up in Langley working with the pro-DNPA Intelligence community. I mean (Giggles fiendishly), remember the Kennedy Assassination?

AMERICAN VOTER
Herr Mueller, I'm sorry. This is it. End of the investigation.

SPECIE MUELLER
(Sh**** grin)
Okeedokee. (To himself) I’m DNPA through and through. I'll think of something. I've got to.

AMERICAN VOTER
Look, Herr Mueller, you know I'd like to give your reputation the benefit of the doubt, but frankly, you’re steeped in the poo poo of the DNPA. With common sense surfacing in D.C. for once, you’re a waste of time and money - and I've got to balance the budget.

SUDDENLY...RUSSIA enters.

AMERICAN VOTER
Good afternoon, mam.
May I help you?

RUSSIA
I’d like to know why I’m being attacked?

AMERICAN VOTER
Being Attacked?

RUSSIA
Yes, I’m Mother Russia - and with the world community. At least I used to be. Now I’m being blamed for Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary’s (HC2H - the perfect formula for corruption) loss in the 2016 Presidential Election. (To herself, mutters) I finally understand how President Trump feels.

SPECIE MUELLER’S ears point straight up. He covertly phones ("JFK" Clip at 2:59) fired FBI Director, James COMEY and Assistant Deputy AG Rob ROSENSTEIN. He puts them on speaker phone so the reader can hear all…

AMERICAN VOTER
Er, that’s kind of a weird line in the play at this time since Trump’s not entered our story as a character, yet, and he’s not playing himself. Or? Anywho… Since this is NOT the first time you were blamed for world calamities, can I see some identification, Mother Russia?

RUSSIA
Yeah, sure. Here’s my U.N. membership card.

AMERICAN VOTER
One moment, please.

COMEY AND ROSENSTEIN
(As speaker crackles, in unison)
Blame it on Peter but Punish Paul.

SPECIE MUELLER
WTF?

COMEY AND ROSENSTEIN
(As speaker crackles, in unison)
This is straight from the Deep State: Just do what needs to be done!

RUSSIA
Do I sense an intel op by the American CIA/DIA/DNPA?

AMERICAN VOTER
(Clueless)
No, no. This is a congressional investigation, mam. Do you have two saintly nations who can vouch for you? Of course not. Thumbprint here, please. Now stand on that line and look directly into the camera. Thank you. Now look to your left and cough. And again. Now, spread your toes, please. And the other foot. Thank you. Come and see us anytime, Mother Russia.

RUSSIA
Blagodarya. (Under breath) Chert natsist.

SUDDENLY - SPECIE MUELLER assassinates RUSSIA with the standard DNC, “robbery gone bad” scenario.

AMERICAN VOTER
Herr Mueller!

SPECIE MUELLER then assassinates AMERICAN VOTER, again with the standard DNC, “robbery gone bad” scenario, wipes the weapon clean, primps himself before the Fakestream Media arrives, steals intel and begins to cry out "falsely now" . . . until the true investigators show up.

CUT TO-

INT. BLACK FORD EXCURSION - DAY

TRUMP sits patiently along with White House Advisors, Chief of Staff Reince PRIEBUS, WH Press Secretary Sean SPICER, and Counselor to the President Kellyanne CONWAY.

TRUMP (VO)
My name is Donald John Trump, real estate mogul cum-political leader and 45th President of the United States. There’s a real need in the country to create jobs, replace Obamacare, build a wall on our southern border, protect our veterans and reduce the “snowflaking” of the left wing insurgents, or DNPA, on the West Side. Unfortunately, I was assigned to investigate several bogus claims against me. I was in the White House working on healthcare and tax reform when I heard the call on the double killing. It took me 20 minutes to get there. My VP was already on the scene.

INT. BANK OF AMERICA’S PUBLIC TRUST - DAY

“Hail to the Chief” emanates as TRUMP enters along with White House Advisors, Chief of Staff Reince PRIEBUS, WH Press Secretary Sean SPICER, and Counselor to the President Kellyanne CONWAY.

PENCE
An attempted intel op, Mr. President. Special Counsel’s the only witness. According to him, Russia shot the American Voter, then the special counsel grabbed the gun and shot Russia.

TRUMP
It’s the same unbelievable M.O. as the others.

PENCE
It could be, but this one has an interesting wrinkle. The gunman, Russia, is a peaceful nation with no prior record.

TRUMP
Could I talk to the Special Counsel?

PENCE
Sure. Follow me.

The two mosey on over to SPECIE MUELLER, who again appears, as would any common, dirty lawyer, to be “working diligently” behind a dark, partially concealed desk.

PENCE
This is Special Counsel Robert Mueller, Mr. President.

TRUMP
Hello, Herr Mueller.

SPECIE MUELLER
Hello.

TRUMP
I’m President Donald J. Trump. You’ve probably heard of me by now. The Goober Globalists, their shills the DNPA and their shills, the snowflakes, are out to get me.

SPECIE MUELLER
Right, right, right.

TRUMP
I understand you had a pretty rough time.

SPECIE MUELLER
Yeah, it was pretty bad.

TRUMP
(Motions to KELLYANNE who removes joint from purse and hands it to Trump - who offers it to SPECIE MUELLER)
Marijuana cigarette?

SPECIE MUELLER
Yes, I know.

TRUMP
(Tosses joint over shoulder)
Well. Do you feel up to any questions?

SPECIE MUELLER
I’ll try. (An afterthought) Aren’t I supposed to ask the questions?

TRUMP
Whatever. Where were you when all this happened?

SPECIE MUELLER
I was right here at my dark, partially concealed desk, “working diligently.”

TRUMP
And when was the first time you noticed something was wrong?

SPECIE MUELLER
Well, when I first heard the shot, and as I turned, Voter fell.

PENCE
He's the teller, Mr. President.

TRUMP
What, Voter Fell’s the teller?

SPECIE MUELLER
No, American Voter.

TRUMP
Who’s Voter Fell?

PENCE
He’s the auditor, Mr. President.

SPECIE MUELLER
He had the flu, so American Voter filled in.

TRUMP
Phil who?

PENCE
Phil Din. He’s the night watchman, Mr. President.

SPECIE MUELLER
If only Phil had been here.

TRUMP
(Clearly frustrated - like when the Fakestream Media reports “facts”)
Now wait a minute. Let me get this straight. Russia came in and shot the teller and Voter Fell.

SPECIE MUELLER
No, Russia only shot the teller, American Voter. Voter Fell is ill.

TRUMP
Okay, then after Russia shot the teller, you shot Russia, no?

SPECIE MUELLER
Know who?

TRUMP
You know who.

SPECIE MUELLER
You know who who?

TRUMP
Russia!

SPECIE MUELLER
I’m sorry. I’m an old, crooked attorney from New York-

PRIEBUS, SPICER, CONWAY
(In unison, interject)
Well, that explains it all.

SPECIE MUELLER
Then I guess I did shoot Russia.

TRUMP
So now you're changing your story. What is it, collusion or obstruction? (Looks at reader and winks)

SPECIE MUELLER
No, I shot Russia after American Voter fell.

TRUMP
You shot Russia and Voter Fell?

SPECIE MUELLER
No, American Voter fell first, and then I shot Russia once.

TRUMP
So you shot twice?

SPECIE MUELLER
Once.

TRUMP
Once?

PENCE
(Bobs head)
Wunce is a CIA operative in Russia - who was working for the CGI, Mr. President.

TRUMP
Okay. Wunce is a CIA operative in Russia who secretly sold American uranium to that country, but you shot American Voter-

SPECIE MUELLER
I shot Russia.

TRUMP
And American Voter fell and then you shot Russia twice.

SPECIE MUELLER
Once.

TRUMP
Okay, all right, that'll be all for now, Herr Mueller, Esquire. Now, we’ll need you to make a formal statement down at Capitol Hill.

SPECIE MUELLER
Of course.

TRUMP
(Rips smartphone out of suit pocket)
You’ve been very helpful; (Quickly tweets) “in a covfefe sort of way.” (Deep breath) We think we know how they did it.

SPECIE MUELLER
Hillary couldn't have done it. She hasn't been out of the woods for weeks.

TRUMP
Well. Thank you again, Herr Mueller.

TRUMP
(To Pence)
Weeks?

PENCE
Sol Weeks. He’s the controller, Mr. President.

INT. CAPITOL BUILDING HEARING ROOM - DAY

While COMEY and ROSENSTEIN rub his bald head, SPECIE MUELLER dictates a statement to the Senate Foreign Intelligence COMMITTEE with the help of a Franklin Spelling Corrector.


CUT TO-

INT. BLACK FORD EXCURSION - DAY


TRUMP sits patiently along with White House Advisors, Chief of Staff Reince PRIEBUS, WH Press Secretary Sean SPICER, and Counselor to the President Kellyanne CONWAY.

TRUMP (VO)
Special Counsel Robert Mueller told a convincing story - at least to the Fakestream Media, Snowflakes far and wide in California, but also to the anemic, do-nothing Repugnants in Congress. Believe me . . . I thought he would make a good witness if the case ever came to a full-blown investigation. But somehow, something didn’t sit right. I drove back to the White House to see what the Trump Administration and our satellites had picked up.

INT. WEST WING - DAY

RYAN meets with a young CONSTITUENT.

RYAN
So, Madison, when Fox News in the airwaves comes in contact with the chemicals in your brain - you form cogent thoughts, what we call “factual analysis.” (Ponders further) Kinda like when President Obama - through his proverbial boob, Hillary Clinton, blamed Benghazi on a Youtube video, but was proved otherwise by the Truthstream Media.

“Hail to the Chief” emanates as TRUMP enters along with White House Advisors, Chief of Staff Reince PRIEBUS, WH Press Secretary Sean SPICER, and Counselor to the President Kellyanne CONWAY.

RYAN
(Notices TRUMP)
Oh, hi, Mr. President.
That'll be all for today, Madison. Next week, we'll look into some interesting experiments we can do with smashed, bit bleached hard drives.

CONSTITUENT
Gee, thanks, Mr. Ryan. Bye.

TRUMP
You come up with anything, Ryan?

RYAN
Well, unlike with the Seth Rich assassination, we got our own intel report on the depth of penetration of the bullet in American Voter’s body. If the hold-up man had been where Special Counsel Mueller said, the bullet should have penetrated deeper; the crime would be real. (Motions for Trump to follow) Let me show you what we did.

RYAN approaches mock-up of Sixth Floor Museum of the Texas School Book Depository Building in Dallas, Texas. Two guns are mounted next to each other facing two examples of “blasphemy.”

RYAN
These guns are identical to the one that killed American Voter. (Approaches gun #1) Watch carefully as I test fire this gun into these CDs of all of President Obama’s press conferences.

RYAN fires gun #1 into CDs. The destruction is scary, but funny in a conservative, pro-NRA sort of way.

RYAN
As you can see, it completely destroys the Benghazi Press Conference.
And everything from BLM to the New England Patriots Visit.
But only up to the point where Obama says, “If you like your doctor, you will be able to keep your doctor.”

RYAN approaches gun #2.

RYAN
Now, let me show you what happens when this gun is fired from three feet - which is the distance Special Counsel Robert Mueller claimed the shots were fired from - into these CDs of all of President Obama’s press conferences.

RYAN fires gun #2 into CDs. The destruction is also scary, but also funny in a conservative, pro-NRA sort of way.

RYAN
(Animated)
Notice? Complete destruction. Right up to the point where Obama says, “Maybe I’m not an American citizen.”

CUT TO-

INT. BLACK FORD EXCURSION - DAY

TRUMP sits patiently along with White House Advisors, Chief of Staff Reince PRIEBUS, WH Press Secretary Sean SPICER, and Counselor to the President Kellyanne CONWAY . . . and PENCE, of course.

TRUMP (VO)
Our next stop was a neighborhood known as Little Crimea. A criminal investigation, let alone a candy-a** intel operation, seldom follows a straightforward, clear-cut course. This one was obviously no exception. I felt we had to talk with Russia’s widower, Vladimir PUTIN, to see how much he knew.

“Hail to the Chief” emanates as TRUMP enters along with White House Advisors, Chief of Staff Reince PRIEBUS, WH Press Secretary Sean SPICER, and Counselor to the President Kellyanne CONWAY  . . . and PENCE, of course.  

As PRIEBUS, SPICER and CONWAY play with their smartphones...

PUTIN
(Bench presses 500 kgs., in Russian)
Please go away. Please go away. I don't want to answer any more of your questions. I wasted enough time with Megyn Kelly.

TRUMP
We’re sorry to bother you at a time like this, Mr. Putin. We would have come earlier, but Russia wasn’t dead then.

PUTIN
(In Russian)
(Sits up, puts Copper Fit Pro Series Cooling Towel - As Seen on TV! - around his thick neck, in Russian) Russia was such a good country - especially under communism. Who, other than the American Deep State (Animated, motions with hands), CIA, DNPA, DIA, could have done such a horrible thing? (As an afterthought) I mean, look at Seth Rich?

As TRUMP tweets...

PENCE
(Nods, in Russian)
Did Russia owe any money? Military hardware bills? International drug debts? Hard currency back payments?

PUTIN
(In Russian)
No, nothing. Just two more payments on our secret uranium deal to the practically defunct Clinton Global Initiative. (Gets teary eyed, than angry) Oh, poor Mother Russia. Do you know what it's like to live in a country which actually makes you proud in spite of cracked California-type politicians like Maxine “I Resemble a Wii Character” Waters and Ted "Boo Hoo" Lieu?
Maxine Waters

TRUMP
(His ire rises, tweets emphatically)
No, I can't say that I do. (Epiphany, stops tweeting)
I did know a politician once, Chuck "Schemer" Schumer, but that was just for a couple of New York minutes, a long time ago. Usual slurs, rumors, innuendos; normal people didn't understand the fool. Sane people ran him out of town like a common Democrat. I mean, he is a crybaby.

PENCE
Did Russia have any enemies?

PUTIN
(In Russian)
Well, the Democratic Nazi Party of America didn't like her; nor many Republicans who are actually no different than the DNPA - they’re globalists.

TRUMP
(Eyes smartphone, courageously puts it into his suit pocket) Sure, Schemer was a pinko commie, but he had a mind. He could think. He wasn't all tussle, all bodacious, all fat - like his cousin, Amy. He got caught up in the DNPA phony rhetoric of the “poor chump on the street,”; you know, steal from the working class to give to the generally lazy underclass. Voters for life. I never cared for that bullsh**. What an old goat!

PENCE
Now, I know this is a long shot, but did Russia ever meet with Kim Jong-un?

PUTIN
(In Russian)
Why, no. No, Mother Russia never did.

PENCE
(About now, feelin’ kind of stupid)
It was just a hunch.

TRUMP
I told him that viewpoint was wrong. But, alas, Schemer didn't listen.

PUTIN
(In Russian)
Oh, poor Russia. And what about the Russian People? What am I gonna tell them?

PENCE
Yeah, you’re gonna have to tell them something. (Ponders) Tell them she went on a long trip.

TRUMP
Tell her - Wait a minute! How about a big monster came and took Russia to nation state Heaven?

PENCE
Nah. What about this? Russia threw herself on a grenade to save Soviet troops in Syria? Yeah, that’s it.

PUTIN becomes visibly agitated . . . like he’s going to f****** kick a**!

TRUMP
No, no, wait a minute. Russia was killed by radical Islamic terrorists from Iraq-

PUTIN
(In Russian)
Mother f******!

TRUMP
No, Afghanistan!

PENCE
(Falsely relieved)
I got it. I got it. Russia was traded to the EU for Poland.

PUTIN unwinds on the two leaders and their entourage. Unfortunately, the Secret Service was not part of this scene and therefore the group was unprotected, PUTIN is a tough guy and he single-handedly threw them out of his home.

CUT TO-

INT. BLACK FORD EXCURSION - DAY

TRUMP, a bit disheveled, sits patiently along with White House Advisors, Chief of Staff Reince PRIEBUS, WH Press Secretary Sean SPICER, and Counselor to the President Kellyanne CONWAY . . . and PENCE, also a bit disheveled, of course.

As they pull up to a 24 hour White Castle drive through and order big…

TRUMP
(Eats a Slider)
No further progress was made in the next 10 hours.


END PARTI UN

Unless you’re an Angry Liberal Voter, Willing Welfare Lifer, 1%er, or just plain stupid, don’t be fooled by the Democratic Nazi Party of America, or their presidential selection, Barack Obama. The globalists are running scared and they’ve sicked their call girls, the Fake Stream Media Outlets, after President Trump and his administration. Yeah, well, Donald J. Trump is no angel but his worst traits are saintly compared to the DNPA’s best. If you don’t take that to the bank, the DNPA will take you to the cleaners - and along for a Chicago-style “one way ride.”

© 2017 Vox Populi. All rights reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you like or hate what you read, feel free to share this with your friends and enemies. The 2016 Election was personal and as an Indie Voter . . . I support President Donald J. Trump. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)

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