Saturday, January 14, 2017

The Demagogue of D.C. - Silly Stage Play Vignettes (Parti Deux: Trump Meets the Trumpkins)

This Sarcasm Just In...


The Demagogue of D.C. - Silly Stage Play Vignettes
(Parti Deux: Trump Meets the Trumpkins)


By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi | January 14, 2017 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)


A farcical series of short political sketches based upon the classic children’s book by L. Frank Baum, The Wizard of Oz, and classic film of the same name, starring the late, great Judy Garland.


CAST OF CHARACTERS


Forces of Good
Dorothy - Donald. J. Trump
Toto - Unemployed American
Auntie Em - Newt Gingrich
Uncle Henry - Rudy Giuliani
The Good Warlock of the North - Vladimir Putin
The Trumpkins - Michiganders and Wisconsinites
SHERIFF of Milwaukee County - David A. Clarke, Jr.


Work Crew/Traveling Oz Crew:
Hunk/The Scarecrow - Iowa/Hawkeye
Hickory/The Tin Man - Ohio/Buckeye
Zeke/The Cowardly Lion - Pennsylvania/Nittany Lion


Forces of Evil
Miss Gulch/The Wicked Witch of the West - George “Goober Globalist” Soros
The Broom of The Wicked Witch of the West - Nancy Pelosi
Professor Marvel/The Wizard of Oz - President Obama
The Wicked Witch of the East - Hillary Clinton
Flying Monkees - Zombie Protesters hired by the Democratic Nazi Party of America viz-a-viz George Soros


VIGNETTE II - Trump Meets the Trumpkins


The saga continues into the Fall of 2016 . . . after the Republican and Democratic National Conventions. Quite a political tornado lifts Donald J. Trump, his truly Indie, patriotic, unpolitical candidacy and Trump Tower to great heights throughout Middle Class America until it lands in Trumpkin Land.


EXT. TRUMPKINLAND - DAY
Trump Tower has landed smack dab on the Wicked Witch of the East, Hillary Clinton, killing her instantly. Vladimir PUTIN, the Good Warlock of the North, as well as various TRUMPKINS congregate at the front door of the building. TRUMP, a bit shocked, emerges with TOTO in his arms.


TRUMP
We must be somewhere outside of the reach of the fake news, Mainstream Media. (To himself) People seem happy here all of the sudden.


TOTO
(Jumps out of Trump’s arms, agitated)
Ruff!


TRUMP
(Embarrassed)
Watch your potty snout, Toto. We’re not in liberal crazyland anymore. No need to swear.


PUTIN
(Holds hammer/sickle combo tool, in Russian)
Are you a good leader or just another typical, greedy political whore running for President?


TRUMP
Moi?


PUTIN
Silly American! I’m speaking Russian not French.


TRUMP
Right, right, right. My bad. But, this is just a farcical short political sketch where anything goes. You know, you speak Russian, I speak English, or French, and yet, miraculously, we all can understand each other.


PUTIN
(Waves tool, in Russian)
Right, right, right. Well?


TRUMP
I’m definitely not just another typical, greedy political whore. I’m Donald J. Trump from New York City.


PUTIN
(In Russian)
All righty, then. (Spots TOTO) Is that another typical, greedy political whore?


TOTO
(Agitated, sniffs Putin’s foot)
Ruff!


TRUMP
Nope, the opposite. That’s Toto, a normally hard-working, but at the moment unemployed American.  


TOTO
Rrrrrrr!


PUTIN
(Taken aback, in Russian)
Now, now, I’m nothing to fear my American friend. I’d be more afraid of the Democratic Nazi Party of America and their globalist scheme led by Soros and the Clinton Cabal.


TRUMP
No s***! You can say that again, huh Toto?


TOTO
Ruff!


TRUMP
Toto, uh, that was a figure of speech. You know, sarcasm. No need to reply.


PUTIN
(A bit agitated, in Russian)
Guys (Looks at Toto), er, you Americans need to get your act together before the globalists destroy freedom and democracy in your country - and around the globe. I’m a little befuddled because the Trumpkins emailed me and said another typical, greedy political whore just dropped a proverbial ton of steel on the Wicked Witch of the East, Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary. (Points) There’s the skyscraper, there’s the splattered remains of Hillary Clinton, here you stand, end of story.


All three briefly glimpse the ketchup-like, splattered remains of the most hated and yet beloved criminal in American History. All three hold back from vomiting. The TRUMPKINS slowly and quietly peek from their hiding places, homes, churches, job sites, etc.


PUTIN
(Looks around, smiles, in Russian)
So, what the Trumpkins want to know is are you a good leader or just another typical, greedy political whore?


TRUMP
Didn’t we just discuss this? I’m not just another typical, greedy political whore. (Motions with hands) Believe me, typical, greedy political whores are (Ponders) well, obvious, selfish and political tramps. All politicians really. (Hears TRUMPKINS) What’s that?


PUTIN
(Laughs, in Russian)
The Trumpkins. They find it funny that you say all politicians are like that - and I’m a politician and I’m not like that. I’m Vladimir Putin, the Good Warlock of the North.


TRUMP
(Enamored)
You are? Oh, excuse me, Mr. Putin. I’m from New York where there is absolutely no such thing as a good politician, not to mention mostly anywhere in the rest of America. My God - look at Chuck Schumer.


PUTIN
(Giggles, in Russian)
No s***, huh?


TOTO
(Interjects)
Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!


TRUMP
You’re absolutely right, Toto. Putin does look respectable.


PUTIN
(In Russian)
Only corrupt, evil politicians are not respectable. Sadly, that makes most in most countries - even in mine. (Points thumbs to chest) But . . . somebody’s gotta stand up to theses globalist criminals.


The Trumpkins emerge from their hiding places, carrying “Trump” yard signs, and surround TRUMP, TOTO and PUTIN.


PUTIN
(Excited, in Russian)
The Trumpkins are ecstatic that you freed them from the Wicked Witch of the East.


TRUMP
Trumpkins?


PUTIN
(In Russian)
You know, swing voters from Michigan and Wisconsin; some even from Lodi and Paddock Lake! This is Trumpkinland and you’re their savior. (To Trumpkins) He’s not a political whore! It’s OK. (Sings aloud) Come out, swing voters. It’s time to vote for real change. This good man cares for the unemployed, taxpayers and all unselfish patriots. He fell from the proverbial sky, from the penthouse suit, and “Make America Great Again” is his plan for all.


TRUMPKINS
(Put “Trump” yard signs in ground, sing)
And “Make America Great Again” is his plan for all.


PUTIN
(Raises hands, sings, in Russian)
He brings you hope and good cheer! Or, did the MSM cover it up? When he threw his hat in the ring, a God-given miracle occurred from the edge of Cleveland’s shores.


TRUMP
(Sings)
Pass auf, meine Freunde! This is what occurred: I threw my hat in the ring, and left wing liberals began to bitch, then suddenly my movement’s angle began an upward pitch. Of course, Hill-ary, to satisfy her greedy pro-cash itch, out of rage flew on her Boeing 737, hoping to cash in.


TRUMPKINS
(Dance, laugh  and sing in a circle)
My Lord, what occurred then was bitchin’! Trump Tower began to pitch. The cafeteria even cooked tortilla chips! Miraculously, Trump Tower landed on the Wicked Witch. In the middle of Cleveland, which? Which was not cool for whom even the Honorable Louis Farrakhan calls Wicked Woman.


PUTIN, TRUMP and TOTO groove to the music. A limousine pulls up and as several TRUMPKINS help PUTIN, TRUMP and TOTO into the limo…


TRUMPKINS
(Sing)
  Yep, it wasn’t healthy, like a vaginal itch, an STD from Big Bill’s cache . . . and the evil witch was reduced to just a swatch of crime - compliments of the Fleece in Chief.


PUTIN, TRUMP and TOTO roll down their windows. Several TRUMPKINS approach TRUMP.


TRUMPKIN ONE
We can’t so sweetly thank you, for doing Clinton in so frankly.


TRUMPKIN TWO
(Looks at goo of what was once Hillary)
You flattened her so sweetly. Thusly, we thank you so sincerely.


PUTIN
(Shouts, in Russian)
Let the joy be told throughout working class America - the Wicked Witch of the East, Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary (HC2H - the perfect formula for corruption), is finally done for at last!


TRUMPKINS
(Overjoyed, sings)
Time’s come, the Wicked Witch is toast. Which old bitch? The Wicked Witch. Time’s come, the Wicked Witch is toast. Stop fretting, don your best, good paying jobs are coming fast! Ready your resume, no more stress, be ready, the Wicked Witch has crested.


As trumpets blare, BORDER GUARDS and PEACE OFFICERS march in formation and salute PUTIN and TRUMP and TOTO as they pass the limousine. As they present arms, the SHERIFF of Milwaukee County approaches TRUMP.


SHERIFF
(Pets TOTO)
I’ve examined the remains of Hillary Clinton and she’s not merely dead, there lacks enough remains to even merely hose the mess down. A couple of Tidy Wipes will do the trick. (Shouts) Working taxpayers: this is your chance to free yourself from Democratic avarice and their economic flatulence. Spread the news! Hillary Clinton, the Wicked old Witch - thank God - has croaked!


TRUMPKINS
(Dance around the limousine, sing)
Time’s come, the Wicked Witch is toast. Which old bitch? The Wicked Witch. Time’s come, the Wicked Witch is toast. (Shake the limousine) Time’s come, the Wicked Witch is toast. Which old bitch? The Wicked Witch. Time’s come, the Wicked Witch is toast. Stop fretting, don your best, good paying jobs are coming fast! Ready your resume, no more stress, be ready, the Wicked Witch has crested.


SUDDENLY, ZOMBIE PROTESTERS, chanting intelligible complaints, and Goober Globalist and Judaic dropout, George SOROS - the Wicked Witch of the West carrying his broomstick, Nancy PELOSI - enter. The TRUMPKINS react in fear and scatter, snatching and concealing the “Trump” yard signs as they flee. SOROS approaches the smeared remains of Hillary Clinton under Trump Tower.


PUTIN exits the limousine and beckons TRUMP and TOTO to follow suit. TOTO holds on tight to TRUMP as the trio approach SOROS.


TRUMP
I thought the evil witch was dead.


PUTIN
(Resigned, in Russian)
How do I say this? Hillary Clinton, the Wicked Witch of the East, was  Soros’ proverbial tampon.


TRUMP
(Eyes bloody mess)
Proverbial?


TOTO
Ruff!


PUTIN
(In Russian)
Soros is the Wicked Witch of the West. And, oh, s***, I’ll just say it, he’s a bigger d*** - worse than the other one.


TRUMP
Right, right, right.


ZOMBIE PROTESTERS scream unintelligibly as...


SOROS
(In muddled English)
Who kilt my schwester, my bab? Who kilt the Wicked Witch of the East? (To Trump) Was it you, virgin politician? Tell me, now!


TRUMP
(Hand to ear, screams above din of ZOMBIE PROTESTERS)
Can’t hear you!


SOROS
(Confused)
What?


PUTIN
(In Russian)
Yeah, no s***!


SOROS
Huh? (Sudden realization) Oh. (To ZOMBIE PROTESTERS) Shut the hell up!


SOROS
(In muddled English)
I said, Who kilt my schwester, my bab? Who kilt the Wicked Witch of the East? (To Trump) Was it you, virgin politician? Tell me, now!


PUTIN
(Flexes muscles, in Russian)
Oh, shut the f*** up, bitch!


SOROS
You mind your own business, Putin! (Cackles) I own the Democrats, I own America. (To TRUMP) Anywho, did you kill my bab? Did you? (Shakes broomstick into face of TRUMP)


PELOSI
(Remember - she’s playing the broomstick)
Uh, Mr. Soros, sir, please stop shaking me. I have positional vertigo.


SOROS
Shut up, minion, or I’ll cut off your campaign contributions!


PUTIN, TRUMP and TOTO eye each other like, “I know this is just a farcical short political sketch but a broomstick that has positional vertigo?”


PELOSI
Of course, Mr. Soros. I’m just used to blaming everyone else for my problems - you know, I represent San Francisco in Congress.


PUTIN/TRUMP/TOTO
(To Pelosi" in Russian/English/Dog)
Shut up!


PELOSI
OK, OK, my Lord Satan. Geez.


SOROS
(To Trump)
Well, did you?


TRUMP
(Studies fingernails)
It was just a coincidence. Yeah, well, Clinton was smashed by the weight of Trump Tower. (Eyes her remains) Good thing is there’s not much to clean up. Burial costs will be pretty reasonable I think.


PUTIN
(Shakes broomstick into face of TRUMP)
Why you-


PELOSI
Uh, again, Mr. Soros, sir, please stop shaking me. I have positional vertigo. Oh, Lord Satan, I’m going to throw up my recently consumed liver pate hor d'oeuvres and swordfish - paid for with my complimentary EBT card coughed up by hardworking taxpayers. Please intercede for me, Lord of Darkness.


SOROS
(Like a robot, as if he says this to all Dems)
Shut up, minion, or I’ll cut off your campaign contributions!


PUTIN/TRUMP/TOTO
(To Pelosi: in Russian/English/Dog)
Shut up!


SOROS
It was just a coincidence, huh? Clinton was smashed by the weight of Trump Tower, huh? Well, my good little Indie politician - I can cause coincidences, too! (Thrusts broomstick) And this is how I do it!


PELOSI
Oh, Lord Satan, I’m going to be sick.


PUTIN
(Smiles, to Soros, in Russian)
Dufus, aren’t you forgetting something?


SOROS
(Stupid but not brain dead, looks at what used to be Hillary Clinton - a messy goo on the ground)
Yes...


PUTIN
(Raises eyebrows, in Russian)
The incriminating emails?


SOROS
Igen! Igen! The incriminating emails.


Unbeknownst to the goober globalist, SOROS, PUTIN motions to TOTO who trots over to the goo and picks up a USB DRIVE which lies nearby. He brings it back to PUTIN.


SOROS
(Walks over to the goo, tries not to step in it, studies it while trying not to vomit, looks up at PUTIN)
It’s gone! The USB drive! What have you done with it?


PUTIN
(In Russian)
It’s too late, baby, now it’s too late! (Hands USB DRIVE to TRUMP) There it is . . . (Raises fist to SOROS who trembles greatly) and there it will stay.


TRUMP
(Shocked, looks at USB DRIVE)
Fantastic!


SOROS
(Practically begs)
Give me back the USB Drive! I’m the only crook who really knows how to use it. Damn Wikileaks! The USB drive is no use to you. Give the dirt back to me. Give it back!


PUTIN
(To TRUMP, in Russian)
Keep the USB close to you and your advisors. The truth inside it must be very damaging to the Democratic Nazi Party of America or Soros and the globalists wouldn’t want it so badly, as in, they’d kill their own mothers and sell their own children into slavery to keep this proof of criminal activity from seeing the light of day.


SOROS
(Going crazy as if low blood sugar racks his old, fat body)
You keep clear of this, Putin, or I’ll do you in as well!


PUTIN
(Laughs, in Russian)
Bulls***! You have no power outside of New York City or your boardroom. Get the f*** out of here before someone drops a skyscraper on you!


SOROS
(Panicks, look above and around)
Fine, fine meine Liebchen. I’ll take my time and (To Trump) as for you - I’ll use the Mainstream Media and my welfarized DNC Blue Shirt thugs, AKA Zombie Protesters, and my lapdog, Obama, to make the world think you’re unfit to be president. Watch you’re back!


TRUMP eyes PUTIN who motions to him to “have no fear” of goober globalists.


PUTIN
(To Trump, in Russian)
I’ve been fighting these globalists for years now. If I’ve learned anything it’s they’ll do anything to get their way. Their pure a*******. So, you have to beat them at their own game. I’ve issued an arrest warrant for that piece of filth, Soros.  


SOROS
(Fearfully looks for arrival of Spetsnaz, then realizes)
Oh, yeah, this is America under the control of a crooked Chicago pol, Obama. (To Trump) I’ll get you, Trump, and your little voting bloc, too! (To Zombie Protesters) Come, my babs. It’s payday, today.


SOROS and ZOMBIE PROTESTERS exeunt.


PUTIN
(In Russian)
Don’t let that a**wipe scare you. He is fat and ugly, but has little power with the average discerning voters, i.e. those outside of welfarized urban areas. (Looks around, to Trumpkins) Trumpkins: Come back out and put up your “Trump” signs. (To TRUMP) Running for president against the goober globalists will not be easy but you’ll win if you remember my advice: you have to beat them at their own game.


LA FIN VIGNETTE II


Unless you’re an Angry Liberal Voter, Willing Welfare Lifer, 1%er, or just plain stupid, don’t be fooled by the Democratic Nazi Party of America, or their presidential selection, Barack Obama. The globalists are running scared. Yeah, well, Donald J. Trump is no angel but his worst traits are saintly compared to the DNPA’s best. If you don’t take that to the bank, the DNPA will take you to the cleaners - and along for a Chicago-style “one way ride.”


© 2017 Vox Populi. All laughs reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you like or hate what you read, feel free to share this with your friends and enemies. The 2016 Election was personal and as an Indie Voter . . . I support President-Elect Donald J. Trump. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)